If a hunter's gotta go, what's wrong with the woods?

[joseephuss]

http://www.statesman.com/news/local/if-a-hunters-gotta-go-whats-wrong-with-693602.html

If a hunter's gotta go, what's wrong with the woods?
John Kelso, Commentary

If it's permissible for bears to do what bears do in the woods, why not Texas hunters?

This question popped up March 9 when the Waco regional office of the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality got a complaint on hunters pooping in the woods in rural Limestone County, east of Waco.

"The complainant alleged that David Cousins had been leasing out a hunting cabin and allowing the hunters to deficate (sic) in the woods," the TCEQ complaint report says.

Part of the problem, said Anna Dunbar, regional director of TCEQ's Waco office, is that the hunting cabin had an outhouse. "It was just an old-fashioned hole in the ground with a little seat over it," she said. She explained that outhouses of this sort are "strictly prohibited."

Outhouses are illegal in Texas? What's this state coming to?

This brings up a serious philosophical question. Should hunters have plumbing, and if they do, should they be forced to use it? Doesn't the Second Amendment address hunters going in the woods? If it doesn't, it should. Many hunters go hunting not so much for the deer as to get away from the "Yes, dear." Hey, there is such a thing as quality of life.

The complaint was referred to Limestone County Judge Daniel Burkeen, who wrote a response to Tim Blackmon, water and waste section work leader for the TCEQ's Waco regional office.

"Dear Tim," Judge Burkeen's letter begins. "We have had some delay in our investigation of the incidents alleged in the complaint which you kindly forwarded to us. The problem is, we have recently had a rash of reports of cows, horses, sheep and goats defecating at will in pastures throughout the county. On top of this, we suspect that wild hogs, deer, and all sorts of other animals are defecating without even trying to find a proper facility. In addition, I have personal proof on my windshield of a mischievous bird defecating in flight."

You can imagine all the working hours Limestone County would burn up, and the excessive expense, if the county had to assign workers to go into the woods to gather samples and have them mailed off to be analyzed to determine who or what is the responsible party.

Or as Burkeen writes in his letter to TCEQ's Waco office, "Should we send these to you, or directly to Austin?"

"It's just one of those things that struck me: Don't these people have better things to do?" said Burkeen, who doesn't hunt. "It's one of those things that's just not really a big problem. We've got bigger problems to deal with."

In his letter, Burkeen urges the TCEQ to handle the matter locally.

"When it comes to matters of excessive defecation, Washington bureaucrats would only add to our misery," he writes.

Still, couldn't this lead to a new Cabinet position? You know, the secretary of, well, nevermind.

John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com.

[BrAinPaiNt]

Kind of stupid but at the same time there are some interesting points.

If the guy is leasing out the property, and making money doing so...Then one would think he would be responsible for having proper toilet(s). Now I am not talking about hunters pooping in the woods. You get out so far and you just can't get back to a bathroom. Just dig you a cat hole, do your business and cover it up and it is no big thing. The part about the guy complaining (as a joke) about the animals doing it is about stupid as they don't know better nor do they have proper facilities (even if they were in range of one). I am sure if a neighbor came over and crapped on his front lawn and the neighbor used the excuse of well birds and cats poop in your yard so it must be ok...he would not have a kind reaction to it. The reason...humans know (or should) better.

However like I said before if you are a loooong way in the woods away from the toilet than you really are not going to be able to get back to it. So dig a small hole and cover it up and all is well.

But back to what I said earlier...I would think if the guy is making money by leasing out this cabin and land that he would be required to have proper facilities that meet certain guidelines.

[StanleySpadowski]

I wouldn't argue quantum physics with Stephen Hawking and I sure as heck am not going to argue outhouses with Brainpaint.

[big dog cowboy]

I wouldn't argue quantum physics with Stephen Hawking and I sure as heck am not going to argue outhouses with Brainpaint.
:laugh2:

[BrAinPaiNt]

I wouldn't argue quantum physics with Stephen Hawking and I sure as heck am not going to argue outhouses with Brainpaint.

I would rather just dig a hole than take my chances in an old outhouse.

Don't need no snake sneaking up and biting me in that area...or having the wood half dead and falling through or a load of other things that could happen in an old outhouse.
:D


So just stick with nature and if you have to drop a deuce, dig a small cat hole and cover it up.

[ABQCOWBOY]

:laugh2:

This has the makings of an Alltime type thread.

[CowboyWay]

I wouldn't argue quantum physics with Stephen Hawking and I sure as heck am not going to argue outhouses with Brainpaint.

Awesome !!!!!:bow:

[theogt]

I wouldn't argue quantum physics with Stephen Hawking and I sure as heck am not going to argue outhouses with Brainpaint.Post of the year.
:laugh2:

[BrAinPaiNt]

Post of the year.
:laugh2:

I think I am going to sue you over emotionally distress.

[theogt]

I think I am going to sue you over emotionally distress.I think that tort exists only in law school case books. :)

[BrAinPaiNt]

I think that tort exists only in law school case books. :)

I'll find something to sue you over....lawyerman. :p:

[jackrussell]

Exactly why I take my dog hunting with me.


http://wendyusuallywanders.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/doggie-pooper-scooper.jpg

[kmp77]

I wouldn't argue quantum physics with Stephen Hawking and I sure as heck am not going to argue outhouses with Brainpaint.

Wow........

http://files.dmusic.com/music/t/h/thecollabs/rofl-doggie.jpg

[StanleySpadowski]

I think that tort exists only in law school case books. :)

BP doesn't have any books. He uses them after he colors them.



Charmin costs money and tree bark scratches.

[BrAinPaiNt]

BP doesn't have any books. He uses them after he colors them.



Charmin costs money and tree bark scratches.

Books cost money too.:D

It reminded me of some comedy movie from the 80s or 90s. Wish I could remember the name of it. It was set back in frontier/old west days.

Some back woods guy ventures into town and goes into the book store. He asks the owner of the store what is the biggest book he has for sale. The owner thinks he is going to make a sale of some great literary work that the back woods guy will enjoy reading and cherish only to find out the guy just wants a big darn book in order to use as TP. :laugh2:

[joseephuss]

Books cost money too.:D

It reminded me of some comedy movie from the 80s or 90s. Wish I could remember the name of it. It was set back in frontier/old west days.

Some back woods guy ventures into town and goes into the book store. He asks the owner of the store what is the biggest book he has for sale. The owner thinks he is going to make a sale of some great literary work that the back woods guy will enjoy reading and cherish only to find out the guy just wants a big darn book in order to use as TP. :laugh2:

You can't wipe with a Kindle. Well, you can, it just isn't as useful as a book.

[StanleySpadowski]

When you meet BP, I'd suggest just nodding your head rather than shaking hands.

[BrAinPaiNt]

When you meet BP, I'd suggest just nodding your head rather than shaking hands.

Nah...I don't use books and I don't use my bare hands.

I would think you would know by know that we use corn cobs. Then after they dry out we make pipes out of them and sell them to furriners. :eek: :p:

[StanleySpadowski]

Nah...I don't use books and I don't use my bare hands.

I would think you would know by know that we use corn cobs. Then after they dry out we make pipes out of them and sell them to furriners. :eek: :p:


:lmao2:


I hadn't heard that.


I do know that you pick up women by going to your family reunion and searching for girls who eat corn on the cob the long way.

[Hostile]

No offense to anyone related to Anna Dunbar, but I hate her. This is exactly the kind of stupid stuff that just drives me over the edge.

It's poop. It is biodegradable. It will either dry up, or it will fertilize something.

I really hate people who are universally stupid. She sent a query to a judge asking for the best way to analyze poop and who done it?

Hey Anna, illegal aliens poop in the wilderness too. Call my Governor.

[StanleySpadowski]

No offense to anyone related to Anna Dunbar, but I hate her. This is exactly the kind of stupid stuff that just drives me over the edge.

It's poop. It is biodegradable. It will either dry up, or it will fertilize something.

I really hate people who are universally stupid. She sent a query to a judge asking for the best way to analyze poop and who done it?

Hey Anna, illegal aliens poop in the wilderness too. Call my Governor.

Stop trying to hijack my hijack.


If you ain't got something bad to say about Brainpaint or hillbillies in general, get out.

[BrAinPaiNt]

Stop trying to hijack my hijack.


If you ain't got something bad to say about Brainpaint or hillbillies in general, get out.

Get him stanley...tell him to go back and re hijack his own hijacked thread.:p:

[Hostile]

Stop trying to hijack my hijack.


If you ain't got something bad to say about Brainpaint or hillbillies in general, get out.http://tobkes.othellomaster.com/images/forgive-me.jpg

I sowwy. Fohgive me?

[StanleySpadowski]

http://tobkes.othellomaster.com/images/forgive-me.jpg

I sowwy. Fohgive me?

Only if you've got a good/bad hillbilly joke.





How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?







Anywhere else and it'd be called a teethbrush.:D

[arglebargle]

You can always count on John Kelso to make fun of something stupid, double if it's real stoooopid.

[Bob Sacamano]

I wouldn't argue quantum physics with Stephen Hawking and I sure as heck am not going to argue outhouses with Brainpaint.
:laugh2::laugh1::lmao:

[SaltwaterServr]

I would rather just dig a hole than take my chances in an old outhouse.

Don't need no snake sneaking up and biting me in that area...or having the wood half dead and falling through or a load of other things that could happen in an old outhouse.
:D


So just stick with nature and if you have to drop a deuce, dig a small cat hole and cover it up.

Anyone who's hunted on an old lease with an older outhouse knows them things grow a special breed of hairy ornery spider that like to crawl up in the crotch of your pants before you pull them back on.

[CliffnMesquite]

Only if you've got a good/bad hillbilly joke.





How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?







Anywhere else and it'd be called a teethbrush.:D

Notice you never see road kill in West virginia? Only empty bun wrappers and mayo packs...

[arglebargle]

Anyone who's hunted on an old lease with an older outhouse knows them things grow a special breed of hairy ornery spider that like to crawl up in the crotch of your pants before you pull them back on.

Which leads to a very special version of the spider dance, usually well appreciated by anyone who happens to catch the performance. That is, until the excited unveiling of spider......

[joseephuss]

Anyone who's hunted on an old lease with an older outhouse knows them things grow a special breed of hairy ornery spider that like to crawl up in the crotch of your pants before you pull them back on.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,592893,00.html

Man, 22, Suffers Poisonous Spider Bite to the Genitals

A tourist is lucky to be alive after a deadly spider bit him on the penis.

The Canadian backpacker was attacked after skinny-dipping in New Zealand.

While he was swimming, a rare katipo spider crawled into the shorts he had left on the beach. When the man returned, he put them back on and fell asleep — but the trapped spider then nipped him on his manhood.

Within minutes, the spider's venom was causing him to have agonizing chest pains, a racing heart, high blood pressure and severe swelling to his penis.

Dr. Nigel Harrison, who treated the 22-year-old at Dargaville Hospital, revealed the case in a report for the New Zealand Medical Journal.

"It was a rather nasty, ill-placed bite,” Harrison said. “The man woke to find his penis swollen and painful with a red mark on the shaft suggestive of a bite. He rapidly developed generalized muscle pains, fever, headache, photophobia (light sensitivity) and vomiting."

The unidentified man's condition "improved rapidly" after treatment with an anti-venom, but he was kept in the hospital for 16 days before being allowed to return to Canada.

The katipo, a Maori word meaning "night-stinger,” is an endangered species in New Zealand.

The pea-sized spiders are related to the American Black Widow. Bites to humans are rare, but two fatalities were recorded in the 1800s.

[StanleySpadowski]

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,592893,00.html

[B]

"It was a rather nasty, ill-placed bite,” Harrison said. “The man woke to find his penis swollen and painful with a red mark on the shaft suggestive of a bite.

The opening line to Mitch Albom's next novel, Wednesdays with Brainpaint

[BrAinPaiNt]

The opening line to Mitch Albom's next novel, Wednesdays with Brainpaint

Where there was this one time when we were out in the woods at Ft Polk doing land nav course and nobody was around so I go to drop the kids off...while crouching down I heard a noise on the ground and looked down to see a large snake crawl on the grown between my legs and just a few inches away from the full monty. I think trees creaked from the vacuum created by my sphincter tightening in that instant. :laugh1:

[Hostile]

Only if you've got a good/bad hillbilly joke.
I guess I am in the dog house for real then. Right now would be a bad time for me to joke about anything with him. Sorry for the hijack. I hadn't read the rest of the thread when I responded to the OP.

[BrAinPaiNt]

I guess I am in the dog house for real then. Right now would be a bad time for me to joke about anything with him. Sorry for the hijack. I hadn't read the rest of the thread when I responded to the OP.

Nah I think my time of the month passed now. Besides I am always ok for a good hillbilly joke. There are so many I would like to tell but they are just not board material so I have to hold my tongue.:D

[StanleySpadowski]

Nah I think my time of the month passed now. Besides I am always ok for a good hillbilly joke. There are so many I would like to tell but they are just not board material so I have to hold my tongue.:D


That is a problem. So many great ones aren't suitable for a family board like this.

[ethiostar]

What do you get when you put 32 West Virginian lawyers in the same room?












A full set of teeth.

[BrAinPaiNt]

I usually tell this one as an Ohio joke and if I have already told it I apologize.

At one time the high/low beam switch for the headlights in cars used to be on the floorboard. It was this way for years. Then they started changing the high/low beam switch and put it on the arm where the blinker control is.

However after a few years they had to change any cars being sold in West Virginia back to the floorboard switch for safety reasons.

It seems that too many hillbillies were getting in wrecks because they were getting their feet stuck in the steering wheel at night.

Bada Bing

Probably one of the few "clean" jokes I know as far as hillbilly ones. Although I guess I could change some cajun jokes over to fit hillbilly ones.

[ethiostar]

I usually tell this one as an Ohio joke and if I have already told it I apologize.

At one time the high/low beam switch for the headlights in cars used to be on the floorboard. It was this way for years. Then they started changing the high/low beam switch and put it on the arm where the blinker control is.

However after a few years they had to change any cars being sold in West Virginia back to the floorboard switch for safety reasons.

It seems that too many hillbillies were getting in wrecks because they were getting their feet stuck in the steering wheel at night.

Bada Bing

Probably one of the few "clean" jokes I know as far as hillbilly ones. Although I guess I could change some cajun jokes over to fit hillbilly ones.

:laugh2:

West Virginia, one big happy family, literally!!!

[Chief]

I wouldn't argue quantum physics with Stephen Hawking and I sure as heck am not going to argue outhouses with Brainpaint.

:laugh2:

[StanleySpadowski]

If someone, we'll call him PaintBrain, sued me for defamation, would the fact that what I said was true shield me?

I mean the last thing I want to see is my K-car up on blocks in his yard.

[Viper]

If someone, we'll call him PaintBrain, sued me for defamation, would the fact that what I said was true shield me?

I mean the last thing I want to see is my K-car up on blocks in his yard.

Settle out of court, with this....
http://static2.bigstockphoto.com/thumbs/2/3/1/large2/1324367.jpg

[StanleySpadowski]

Settle out of court, with this....
http://static2.bigstockphoto.com/thumbs/2/3/1/large2/1324367.jpg

I refuse to settle. I'm thinking of filing a countersuit. The PaintBrain person told a scatological story about himself that gave me nightmares.......

He's got a washing machine I've got my eye on. It'd look great in front of my trailer filled with daffodils.

[BrAinPaiNt]

I refuse to settle. I'm thinking of filing a countersuit. The PaintBrain person told a scatological story about himself that gave me nightmares.......

He's got a washing machine I've got my eye on. It'd look great in front of my trailer filled with daffodils.

You'll never get my deluxe washboard washer you dirty city slicker!1!!!

[StanleySpadowski]

You'll never get my deluxe washboard washer you dirty city slicker!1!!!

It's either that or your burn barrel. I know that's your pride and joy being barely rusted through and all.

[BrAinPaiNt]

It's either that or your burn barrel. I know that's your pride and joy being barely rusted through and all.

Burn Barrel is for wimps. We just throw things in a pile and burn it...that's what real men do.

[Sam I Am]

You'll never get my deluxe washboard washer you dirty city slicker!1!!!

I'm sure that washboard doubles as your instrument of choice too. :laugh2:

[StanleySpadowski]

I'm sure that washboard doubles as your instrument of choice too. :laugh2:


Nah, Brain plays the jug.

[BrAinPaiNt]

Nah, Brain plays the jug.

No that was a rival musician and his band. Emmitt Otter.

I played in the riverbottom nightmare band.

[StanleySpadowski]

No that was a rival musician and his band. Emmitt Otter.

I played in the riverbottom nightmare band.


That's right, my bad. I remember your big hit Tobacca's a vegtibull

[BrAinPaiNt]

That's right, my bad. I remember your big hit Tobacca's a vegtibull

Never even heard of that song so it must have been a different band you are thinking of.

Our first hit was about a band mates first making love encounter.

The song was called...Move your tail lil moo cow.

[Sam I Am]

Never even heard of that song so it must have been a different band you are thinking of.

Our first hit was about a band mates first making love encounter.

The song was called...Move your tail lil moo cow.

Thats how you refer to a sister in WV? :laugh2:

[BrAinPaiNt]

Thats how you refer to a sister in WV? :laugh2:

Watch your mouth city slicker before I break out the banjo!1!11!