Excerpts from Walt Garrison's book: Cowboys and motorcycles

[Chief]

Since this topic is in the news now, I thought I would go back and pull some funny stuff out of Walt Garrison's book, "Once a Cowboy."

The first one is about Ralph "Rotten" Neely and the second is on Mike "Monk" Ditka.
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A group of Cowboys started riding motorcycles. On Mondays after the game, we’d usually go out to Grapevine Lake and ride out in the dirt all day. Mike Ditka was with the Cowboys then and bought a 125 cc. Dave Edwards had a 125. Me and Lilly and Cliff Harris and Reeves had one. And, of course, that meant Ralph had to have one too.

Rotten couldn’t ride worth a damn. He kept falling off all day. But that didn’t make any difference. His bike had to be bigger and better than everybody else’s. So Ralph went out and bought a Husqvarna 400, an absolute man-eating monster. Comes with a chair and a whip.

Anyway, we’d been out riding all day and we’re packing it up to go home and off in the distance I could see Cliff coming in and his eyes are as big as silver dollars. And I thought, “Oh ****. What happened?”

Cliff and Rotten had been riding together and Ralph says, “Cliff, let’s jump some hills.”

And Cliff was thinking, “Christ, Ralph, you can barely ride. And now you want to jump hills?” Plus, he knew Ralph had a herd of ponies under him that would scare the **** out of Cochise. But he figured, “Ah, what the hell.”

There was a grass field out where they were riding and at the end of it was a hill that went up at a nice pitch. Nothing too scary. So Cliff gunned his 125 and went right up the hill and waited there for Ralph.

Ralph guns his monster and gets about halfway up and falls over. So he gets up cussing. “Damn motorcycle ain’t worth ****. They don’t make anything worth a damn anymore.”

Good ol’ Rotten.

So Ralph goes back down and tries it again, only this time he really cranks that puppy to full throttle. Here comes Ralph eeeeeeeeeeee, thumb eeeeeeee, thumb eeeeeeee, about 60 or 70 mph and he climbs right up to the top … and keeps right on going. He shoots into the air about 20 feet.

Ralph’s legs are real long and instead of putting them on the footrest, he used to ride with them dangling along the ground. Well, he lands on his back and starts rolling down the hill and with those big ol’ legs going every which way. When he finally stops, he looks back at Cliff and says real calmly, “Ah, Cliff, I think I hurt my foot. Look at it would you?”

And sure enough, his leg was pointing up the hill and his foot was pointing down. He’d broke it in three places, dislocated his ankle and tore a bunch of ligaments. Out for the season.

They throw Rotten in the back of Ditka’s truck with the muddy old bikes and every time they’d go over a bump, Neely would scream. But nobody gave a damn about Neely’s pain. All they kept saying to him all the way home was, “Don’t tell Landry we were riding motorcycles. Let’s tell him we were riding horses. Ya, we were riding along and a snake bit Ralph’s horse.”


--------------------

Ya, Ditka was a madman. When we were all into motorcycles, Mike bought a Yamaha. It was yellow but that didn’t fit Mike’s image of himself. So he painted it black and he bought a black leather jacket and black leather pants and a black helmet. Man, he looked like Lucifer on wheels.

Only problem was he couldn’t ride worth beans. One place we used to go riding had a hill with a creek at the bottom and Monk would always try to jump the creek. And every time he’d miss and hit the other bank. Bam! “Damnit!”

And he’d start that thing up again, go back and try to jump it again and he’d miss again. Bam! “Damnit!” He’d get up and go again. Bam! "Damnit!"

But what really pissed Ditka off was Cliff and Charlie could hop that creek like it was a puddle. And they’d yell back at Mike, “Come on, you fat chipmunk!” and ride off. Ditka hated those two little bastards. So he’d get back and Bam!. “Damnit!”

[Hostile]

I love Walt. I'm sitting here at work laughing myself to tears. I can just see these guys ignoring Neely's screaming while they worry about Landry being mad at them.

[burmafrd]

That was when men were men and they were ALL SCARED OF TOM.

[BrAinPaiNt]

GREAT STUFF.

Rolling reading that.

Thanks Chief for posting that.

I gotta get that book.

[Chief]

GREAT STUFF.

Rolling reading that.

Thanks Chief for posting that.

I gotta get that book.

Walt has a way of describing things. The funniest part about Ditka is when they all went skiing. It takes Ditka all day to get down the mountain because he falls every few feet. When he gets to the bottom, he has snot frozen in his mustache and his sweater is so wet that it's hanging down to his knees.

[RCowboyFan]

Great, stuff, Chief, thanks for posting. Was LMOA at the Ditka excerpt. Need to really read that book.

[RCowboyFan]

Walt has a way of describing things. The funniest part about Ditka is when they all went skiing. It takes Ditka all day to get down the mountain because he falls every few feet. When he gets to the bottom, he has snot frozen in his mustache and his sweater is so wet that it's hanging down to his knees.
:lmao2: :lmao:

[BrAinPaiNt]

Walt has a way of describing things. The funniest part about Ditka is when they all went skiing. It takes Ditka all day to get down the mountain because he falls every few feet. When he gets to the bottom, he has snot frozen in his mustache and his sweater is so wet that it's hanging down to his knees.

:laugh1: :lmao:

Yes, you have me convinced.

I have to find that book and order it.

Walt sounds like a character that knows how to make a story funny. Sometimes it is in the funny lines and details that really make a story or joke great.

That line about the cycle beeing a beast that came with a chair and whip had me rolling.

Reading those reminds me of listening to an old Jerry Clower record or something.

[Chief]

:laugh1: :lmao:

Yes, you have me convinced.

I have to find that book and order it.

Walt sounds like a character that knows how to make a story funny. Sometimes it is in the funny lines and details that really make a story or joke great.

That line about the cycle beeing a beast that came with a chair and whip had me rolling.

Reading those reminds me of listening to an old Jerry Clower record or something.

NFL Films has some clips of Walt telling stories. He told one about Staubach trying chewing tobacco that was priceless. After Roger bolted from a team meeting to vomit in a flower bed outside the door, Landry told him to never give Roger that stuff again.

Some people have a gift of story telling ... it's a lost art ... and Walt is one of those people.

[Duane]

Funniest thing I've read in months. Thanks for the laugh Chief.

[ZeroClub]

Nice excerpts....

By the way -

I seem to remember that one summer Charlie Waters and Cliff Harris rode motorcycles to training camp -- all the way out to Thousand Oaks.

Anybody else remember this?

[JIGGYFLY]

Does this mean we had a team of morons or do you have to be a little moronic to be a great player ?

[dougonthebench]

stories like this remind me of how great the "old" Cowboys were!Man I miss those guys playing.

[5Stars]

Chief, I read that book last summer and it was one of the most faciniating books I have ever read!

There is another part in their about Stuabach asking Walt, how was it that Walt had (I think) two boys, and Staubach had (I think) three girls? Staubach asked Walt how he did it?

Walt told Staubach, well...Rog, if you bring Linda on over, I'll see if I can't get you a boy! :eek: (I think that was her name, if not, you get the picture)...

Walt said that Staubach's face went red! :lmao:

I absoutely love that book! Also, read Henderson's book, "Out Of Control"...then you will understand why I admire him so much...

:star:

[burmafrd]

The guys looked at life a lot differently back then. Neely sold his cycle real quick after the accident. I imagine a lot of guys backed off after that. Just like some will now after this latest one. Unfortunately not enough will.

[AsthmaField]

Walt told Staubach, well...Rog, if you bring Linda on over, I'll see if I can't get you a boy! :eek:


:laugh1:

He's lucky Roger didn't have him kicked out of the NFL.

[Hostile]

If I remember correctly, Staubach was fascinated by Walt's character. Walt dipped snuff and chewed tobacco. I belive Roger tried it at one point and Walt had sotries about that as well. It's been a while so I can't recount those tales for anyone.

[big dog cowboy]

Gotta love that old school stuff. It never gets old.

[dougonthebench]

those were the days of 20 straight WINNING seasons!!!!

[Hostile]

those were the days of 20 straight WINNING seasons!!!!That will never happen again in the NFL.

[dougonthebench]

That will never happen again in the NFL.

I'm glad that only WE can brag about that!!20 winning seasons!

[Hostile]

I'm glad that only WE can brag about that!!20 winning seasons!I don't know the answer to this.

Who in the NFL is 2nd for consecutive winning seasons and how many is it?

[dougonthebench]

I don't know the answer to this.

Who in the NFL is 2nd for consecutive winning seasons and how many is it?

good question,I'm sure someone on this site can answer that.

[LeonDixson]

good question,I'm sure someone on this site can answer that.

AdamJT13 probably has the answer in his hip pocket.

[Angus]

Cliff Harris has a version of that motorcycle story in "Tales from the Dallas Cowboys" 2003 book that he and Charlie Waters wrote. He says:
. . . . . .
That happened, unfortunately for Ralph, two weeks before our trip to Super Bowl VI in New orleans. He was a great player -- an All-Pro -- and we needed him. Of course, Ralph did not make the trip with a cast on his leg. Coach Landry called Tony Liscio, a former Cowboy who had retired and had not played all year. Tony played in Ralph's offensive tackle spot in the Super Bowl against the Dolphins, and we won. Not only did Tony take Ralph's position and his paycheck . . . but he also got Ralph's Super Bowl ring. So much for a fun day off, huh?

[5Stars]

Cliff Harris has a version of that motorcycle story in "Tales from the Dallas Cowboys" 2003 book that he and Charlie Waters wrote. He says:
. . . . . .
That happened, unfortunately for Ralph, two weeks before our trip to Super Bowl VI in New orleans. He was a great player -- an All-Pro -- and we needed him. Of course, Ralph did not make the trip with a cast on his leg. Coach Landry called Tony Liscio, a former Cowboy who had retired and had not played all year. Tony played in Ralph's offensive tackle spot in the Super Bowl against the Dolphins, and we won. Not only did Tony take Ralph's position and his paycheck . . . but he also got Ralph's Super Bowl ring. So much for a fun day off, huh?

That's the book I read...and it is a hoot from the first word to the last word!

:laugh1:

[Doomsday101]

If I remember correctly, Staubach was fascinated by Walt's character. Walt dipped snuff and chewed tobacco. I belive Roger tried it at one point and Walt had sotries about that as well. It's been a while so I can't recount those tales for anyone.

He threw up during a team meeting and Landry told Walt never to give that stuff to Roger again. According to Walt Roger got up from his seat ran to the window and got sick in the bushes.

[trickblue]

Some of us have been telling you guys for years now that Garrison's book is a MUST read for Cowboy fans...

So DO it...

[Hostile]

He threw up during a team meeting and Landry told Walt never to give that stuff to Roger again. According to Walt Roger got up from his seat ran to the window and got sick in the bushes.Yeah.

Didn't he also lie on the floor, spit and hit the ceiling and Roger tried it? Or was that someone else?

[adbutcher]

Walt has a way of describing things. The funniest part about Ditka is when they all went skiing. It takes Ditka all day to get down the mountain because he falls every few feet. When he gets to the bottom, he has snot frozen in his mustache and his sweater is so wet that it's hanging down to his knees.
:lmao2:

[5Stars]

There are just too many stories in that book!

Another one was, Walt had this old car and he and (i don't recall his name and to lazy to go look it up), drilled a hole in the front floorboard, and used to go around town dropping Cheery Bombs and M80's out the hole when going by people! Scaring the living **** outta them! Well, Walt gets Landry to come outside and see his car, and Landry goes out and Walt starts the car up, and while Landry is listening to the engine, Walt pops out one of them firecrackers and scares the hell out of Landry! :lmao:

[Doomsday101]

Yeah.

Didn't he also lie on the floor, spit and hit the ceiling and Roger tried it? Or was that someone else?

That was at a local bar in the Dallas area. Funny one is the story about when Ditka bought a bar here in Houston and the Talbert bothers paid a visit, Mike told them there would be no fighting in his bar of course they were not going to pay attention to that and started a fight in and tore the place up. :laugh1:

[5Stars]

That was at a local bar in the Dallas area. Funny one is the story about when Ditka bought a bar here in Houston and the Talbert bothers paid a visit, Mike told them there would be no fighting in his bar of course they were not going to pay attention to that and started a fight in and tore the place up. :laugh1:

Yeah, I read about that! :lmao2: Also, did you know that Walt went to that bar? BUT, he rode in on his freaking horse!! He rode that horse stright into that bar...!!

:lmao2:

[Doomsday101]

Some of us have been telling you guys for years now that Garrison's book is a MUST read for Cowboy fans...

So DO it...

No doubt it is like reading Will Rogers, the stories are funny as can be and you will end up reading it more than once. I like the fact that Walts signing bonus was a double horse trailer and a pair of white dress shoes like Gil Brandt wore. :laugh1:

[Doomsday101]

Yeah, I read about that! :lmao2: Also, did you know that Walt went to that bar? BUT, he rode in on his freaking horse!! He rode that horse stright into that bar...!!

:lmao2:

Walt was a true Cowboy. He went to OSU on a Rodeo scholarship and was a walk on for football.

[Bungarian]

I have to get that book.

[5Stars]

No doubt it is like reading Will Rogers, the stories are funny as can be and you will end up reading it more than once. I like the fact that Walts signing bonus was a double horse trailer and a pair of white dress shoes like Gil Brandt wore. :laugh1:

When Gil Brandt was trying to sign Charlie Waters, Waters was reluctant to sign something like $3,000 signing bonus! Now, Waters liked Gil's alligator shoes...$375.00 Gil tell him that's how much them shoes cost.

So, after some haggling, Gil convinced Water's to sign for $5,000 and a brand new spanking pair of them Alligator shoes!

When Water's eventually received his bonus check and his new shoes, Gil also deducted the cost of the shoes from the bonus! Water's was pissed, because he thought Gil was gonna hook him up with those shoes for free!!

:lmao:

[Hostile]

Yeah, I read about that! :lmao2: Also, did you know that Walt went to that bar? BUT, he rode in on his freaking horse!! He rode that horse stright into that bar...!!

:lmao2:My parents owned a bar in southern New Mexico and this one old cowboy who was a riot did that oftne. used to piss my mom off so bad. I was 6 and would laugh my butt off every time.

[Chief]

When Gil Brandt was trying to sign Charlie Waters, Waters was reluctant to sign something like $3,000 signing bonus! Now, Waters liked Gil's alligator shoes...$375.00 Gil tell him that's how much them shoes cost.

So, after some haggling, Gil convinced Water's to sign for $5,000 and a brand new spanking pair of them Alligator shoes!

When Water's eventually received his bonus check and his new shoes, Gil also deducted the cost of the shoes from the bonus! Water's was pissed, because he thought Gil was gonna hook him up with those shoes for free!!

:lmao:

That's probably why Waters named his pet snake "Gil."

[Hostile]

That's probably why Waters named his pet snake "Gil."Damn, that's funny and cold at the same time. I hope it really was a snake and not a nickname for a part of the anatomy.

[5Stars]

My parents owned a bar in southern New Mexico and this one old cowboy who was a riot did that oftne. used to piss my mom off so bad. I was 6 and would laugh my butt off every time.

Those are the "good old days", when men were men, and sheep were scared! :)

Also, I forgot to mention that Walt was drunker then a sailor, and Ditka was steaming mad...trying to get Walt to leave, and Walt was just riding his horse all through the bar...!! :lmao:

[trickblue]

http://ec3.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/4f/16/7253024128a024e1ec4cb010.L.jpg

[5Stars]

http://ec3.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/4f/16/7253024128a024e1ec4cb010.L.jpg



That's the one! What a football player he was!

:star: :star: :star: :star: :star:

Also, the book by Harris and Waters..."Tales of the Cowboys"...post that picture, Sir!

[trickblue]

That's the one! What a football player he was!

:star: :star: :star: :star: :star:

Also, the book by Harris and Waters..."Tales of the Cowboys"...post that picture, Sir!

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/1582613850.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[THUMPER]

I don't know the answer to this.

Who in the NFL is 2nd for consecutive winning seasons and how many is it?

The Browns had only one losing season from 1946-1973. It was in 1956 and it netted them Jim Brown in the draft so it really wasn't much a "losing" season afterall.