Preseason Jokes

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

You can use any team In the NFL; I'll use the C'boys ...why not -- I'm bored!

A news reporter from New York was sitting in Central Park on his lunch break. There were two teenage boys throwing the football around. A huge Rotweiler gets loose from it's owner and pounces on one of the boys. The other one, in a fit of panic, picks up the biggest stick he could find and smashes it against the dog's head, killing it. The reporter runs over to the boys. "Wow! That was great! I can see the headline now: NY Giants Fan saves life of best friend!" But "I am not a Giants fan", the boy replied. "Well, who are you a fan of, then?" asked the reporter. "I am a fan of America's Team, the Dallas Cowboys!". The next day, the headline read "Roughian Punk Brutally Slays Beloved Family Pet."

:D

[BrAinPaiNt]

I have heard that one before.

There is another one that is similar to that but involves using a fan for fishing....but I can not remember how it goes.

===============


Here is one that I have heard used for the Repubs/Dems type of political joke but instead I will use it in a football setting.


A boy was sitting in a Park with a box full of Puppies.
A jogger passed by and asked the boy what he had in the box.

The Boy replied that they are puppies that love football....

The Jogger looked surprised and asked him what teams the puppies liked.

The boy Replied...they like the Philly Eagles.

The Jogger who happened to be an Eagles fans gave the boy a thumbs up and went back to jogging.


Two weeks later the guy was jogging again and ran across the boy with the puppies in the box again.

The guy said you still trying to make some money on the puppies I see.

The boy said yes and asked the man if he wanted to buy one.

The man said...well since I am an eagles fan and the puppies like the eagles I think I will buy one and help you out.

The boy said...Sir the puppies no longer like the eagles...now they like the Dallas Cowboys.

The man looked a little disgusted and asked why the puppies have changed their minds.

The boy said.....They got old enough to open their eyes.

:D

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

You can use any team In the NFL; I'll use the C'boys ...

Q: What's Jerry Jones biggest concern

A: Does Bail Money count against the Salary Cap?

:D

[BrAinPaiNt]

You can use any team In the NFL; I'll use the C'boys ...

Q: What's Jerry Jones biggest concern

A: Does Bail Money count against the Salary Cap?

:D


I would have to argue...his biggest concernt is his next face life an attempt to look like Howdy Doody :p

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a T.V. watching the Super Bowl?

The Dallas Cowboys

Q: Hey, did you hear who the Cowboys hired as their new defensive coordinator?

Johnny Cochran


Q: How many people does it take to beat the Cowboys?

Only 1 - Barry Switzer

John Madden was in Dallas covering a football game one Sunday. He was walking along the Cowboys' sideline when he noticed the coach standing next to an unusual phone. Madden asked the coach about the phone, to which he received a reply, "That's a hotline to God, and for $50 you can use it." Madden dug out $50 from his pocket and used the phone. The following week Madden was covering a game in Philadelphia. As he walked along the Eagles' sideline, he saw a similar phone next toAnfy Reid. Madden asked if the phone was a hotline to God, and Reid replied, "Yes, and a call will cost you 50 cents." Madden then asked Reid why this phone cost so much less than the phone in Dallas. Reid replied, "It's a local call."

:D

[Danny White]

Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a T.V. watching the Super Bowl?

The Dallas Cowboys


That's some joke coming from an Eagles fan, of all people. :confused:

I know it's just a joke... but come on, the Cowboys have appeared in 1 out of every 5 Super Bowls... far more than any other team.

I will also point out that Barry Switzer, despite his shortcomings as an NFL coach, has won more Super Bowls than the entire Eagles franchise.

Sorry for being so humorless, but Eagles and Redskins fans always put me in a foul and defensive mood.

[BrAinPaiNt]

That's some joke coming from an Eagles fan, of all people. :confused:

I know it's just a joke... but come on, the Cowboys have appeared in 1 out of every 5 Super Bowls... far more than any other team.

I will also point out that Barry Switzer, despite his shortcomings as an NFL coach, has won more Super Bowls than the entire Eagles franchise.

Sorry for being so humorless, but Eagles and Redskins fans always put me in a foul and defensive mood.


Most of these jokes are under the premise that it could be used on any team...he is a phillies fan using it against Cowboys....just as I was a cowboys fan making fun of philly in mine.

Chill out Danny....you got a shorter temper on a joke thread then you do with the flame wars in the political zone :eek:

[Danny White]

Sorry, it just struck me as funny that an Eagles fan would tell a joke about not making it to the Super Bowl and use the Cowboys as a punchline. It doesn't really make sense... but oh well.

In the spirit of good humor, here's one for my Eagles friends...


A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "140." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on.

The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool." Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "110." So the robot started talking about sports, current events, and so on.

The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool." A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "60." The robot then said, "So, how 'bout them Eagles?"

[Danny White]

Chill out Danny....you got a shorter temper on a joke thread then you do with the flame wars in the political zone :eek:

My temper's pretty good over in "political" isn't it?

Besides, I have MUCH more tolerance for liberals than I do for Eagles fans! :D

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

That's some joke coming from an Eagles fan, of all people. I know it's just a joke... Sorry for being so humorless...

You're not humorless, you're a real funny guy DW! Now take those tight draws off and lighten up until the regular season starts :eek:

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

Sorry, it just struck me as funny that an Eagles fan would tell a joke about not making it to the Super Bowl and use the Cowboys as a punchline. It doesn't really make sense... but oh well.

In the spirit of good humor, here's one for my Eagles friends...


A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "140." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on.

The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool." Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "110." So the robot started talking about sports, current events, and so on.

The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool." A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "60." The robot then said, "So, how 'bout them Eagles?"



Ouch, I think I'll do a "DW" and take my bwocks home to pway. :D

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

Sorry, it just struck me as funny...

That one stung pretty good there DW! :(

Right back at ya ...

A man walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. He noted a dog intently watching an Eagles-Cowboys game. Whenever the Eagles scored, the dog would jump onto the bar and do an animated dance. This happened over and over as the Eagles scored again and again. At the end of the game, the dog let out a loud howl and ran out of the bar. The man thought this was pretty unusual and said to the bartender, "Gee, that's amazing. What happens when the Cowboys win?" The bartender replied, "I don't know- the dog's only five years old." :D

[BrAinPaiNt]

My temper's pretty good over in "political" isn't it?

Besides, I have MUCH more tolerance for liberals than I do for Eagles fans! :D


Yes your temper is very good in the political zone....which was my point.

I figured you would have more of a temper in that area, since political talk normally brings out the a-holes in us all ...then an eagle fan telling a joke. :D

[Danny White]

Yes your temper is very good in the political zone....which was my point.

I figured you would have more of a temper in that area, since political talk normally brings out the a-holes in us all ...then an eagle fan telling a joke. :D

My country, my religion, and my belief system are all fair game... just don't F with my Cowboys! :D

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

My country, my religion, and my belief system are all fair game... just don't F with my Cowboys! :D

NOW THAT'S FUNNY! Stop it DW; I can't stop laughing ... you are a real jokester!

If you're employed; quit your day job, you've got comedy skills! :rolleyes:

[TEXANS84]

Q. What's the difference between the Cincinnati Bengals & the Taliban?
A. The Taliban has a running game

Q. How do the Cincinnati Bengals count to 10?
A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10

Q. What do the Cincinnati Bengals and Bill Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 60,000 people stand up and yell " "

Q. How do you keep a Cincinnati Bengal out of your yard?
A. Put up goal posts

Q. Where do you go in Cincinnati in case of a tornado?
A. To the football Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!!

Q. What do you call a Cincinnati Bengal with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief

Q. Why doesn't Columbus have a professional football team?
A. Because then Cincinnati would want one

Q. Why was the owner upset when the Cincinnati Bengals' playbook was stolen?
A. Because he hadn't finished coloring it!

Q. What's the difference between the Cincinnati Bengals and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar

Q. What do the Cincinnati Bengals and opossums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road

Q. How can you tell when the Cincinnati Bengals are going to run the football?
A. The back leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes

[Danny White]

NOW THAT'S FUNNY! Stop it DW; I can't stop laughing ... you are a real jokester!

If you're employed; quit your day job, you've got comedy skills! :rolleyes:

That's ironic... because I am actually a professional stand-up comedian.

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

That's ironic... because I am actually a professional stand-up comedian.

I knew it! :rolleyes:

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

Here's a few more ...

Q: If you see a C'boys fan on a bicycle, why shouldn't you swerve to hit him?

A: It might be your bicycle.

____________________________________________


Q: Why did the Redskins fan climb the chain link fence?

A: To see what was on the other side.

______________________________________________


The big joke in Dallas is that the Cowboys go out on the town wearing three championship rings and a home-confinement bracelet.

______________________________________________


None of the Cowboys have been able to go home. The last time they were out of town, someone painted goal lines across their driveways and they can't make it over them.


:D

[Signals]

You can use any team In the NFL; I'll use the C'boys ...

Q: What's Jerry Jones biggest concern

A: Does Bail Money count against the Salary Cap?

:DLMAO :D

That's a good one AE.

Here's a thread title for you. The next time you get bored just try this one.

Championship Jokes

( no jokes, just a punch line)

Philadelphia Eagles

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

LMAO :D Here's a thread title for you. The next time you get bored just try this one. Championship Jokes ( no jokes, just a punch line) Philadelphia Eagles

Duche' :rolleyes:

[Signals]

Duche' :rolleyes:http://www.websmileys.com/sm/violent/sterb026.gif http://www.websmileys.com/sm/violent/sterb038.gif>>> AE the stand-up comodian.

Dork :rolleyes:

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

http://www.websmileys.com/sm/violent/sterb026.gif http://www.websmileys.com/sm/violent/sterb038.gif>>> AE the stand-up comodian.

Dork :rolleyes:

I meant to say touche' :rolleyes:

[Signals]

I meant to say touche' :rolleyes:I'll have to admit, you are clever. ;)

[Danny White]

Terrell Owens’ momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."
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Terrell Owens’ momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Terrell Owens’ momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
Terrell Owens’ momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
Terrell Owens’ momma so ugly I heard that his dad first met her at the pound.
Terrell Owens’ momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.
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Terrell Owens’ momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ,"Damn, is it Halloween already?"
Terrell Owens’ momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
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Terrell Owens’ momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
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Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she walks around in Texas in high heels, she strikes oil!
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Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
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Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says, "To be continued."
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.
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Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling, "Free Willy!"
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say, "Taxi!"
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat, she got to iron her pants on the driveway.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear, "Caution! Wide Turn."
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read, "One at a time, please."
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she's got her own area code!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen!
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Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat her belly button's got an echo.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat her blood type is Ragu.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she accidentally got a 757 caught in her teeth.
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat to her, "light food," means under 4 Tons!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!
Terrell Owens’ momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development.
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid, she thought, "Wu Tang" was an African orange drink!
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid she asked you, "What is the number for 911?"
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid that under, "Education," on her job application, she put, "Hooked on Phonics."
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid she watches, "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid, she couldn't read an audio book.
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hour virus.
Terrell Owens’ momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

[ARMAGEDDON EAGLE]

Terrell Owens’ momma ...

Good stuff ...I'll have to think about this one--but I'll be bock! :D