There's a crazy man out there on a secret hiring spree

[erod]

How do you tell a man with dementia that he has dementia? Will he remember when you walk away?

And add a late mid-life crisis to boot.

If Ed Werder isn't pulling sources out of his posterior file cabinet, we are told we may well be on the verge of a 72-year-old OC and a 61-year-old DC, to go along with our 70-year-old GM. Jerry's seeking peers that know a good Lawrence Welk sing-a-long when they hear one.

Jason Garrett must feel like the boat guy in "Cocoon".

Jerry's acting very strange right now, even for him. He's citing the Chicago and Seattle games as defensive blunders, when they were clearly the fault of the offense and special teams. He's wandering about in his jet plane, rushing to hire a guy nobody's rushing to hire right now. Where's he at? What's he doing? He loves that we're asking, of course.

Sure, Monte Kiffen might do a swell job. He might also fall asleep during the 6 o'clock news. Not sure where he is health wise, even if he is a lifer of the football world. He's a 4-3 guy - which makes yours truly happy - but he plays the corners soft and his safeties gotta be playmakers, not exactly what we've got in our corral.

I can see rushing to lock down a guy like Lovie Smith or Ray Horton, names that are hot tickets right now at the NFL coaching job fair, but not Kiffen. Perhaps Lovie already said 'no', and Jerry's panicking over losing a shot at the Tampa 2. He watched the Bears beat him twice with it recently at the Death Star, so that must be the magic bean.

Maybe it's designed to lure Gruden out of the press box, now or next year, or maybe it's simply a way of getting a guy who DOESN'T want Garrett's job, as opposed to Rob Ryan, who likely had his resume on him at all times in case Jason fell off a cliff.

All conjecture and speculation of the most flimsy nature, I admit, but thanks for playing along.

This much I do believe strongly...Jerry is flat PO'ed. He's stuck. He's antsy. He's desperate. And he's out of any real good options. Years of ineptitude have raided the cupboard of cap space and good stories to tell us and the media. The repo man wants his GM job back, and he's banging on the front door.

Garrett, meanwhile, has been virtually neutered. He'd better figure a way to maintain the cred he built with the roster late last year, because Jerry is acting a fool, and ain't asking Garrett's thoughts, so it appears. Perhaps Garrett is just as much behind all this, but history isn't going to argue that for him.

There is a symmetry among the three: Jerry works with his boys, Kiffen the same, and Garrett with his brothers. Football nepotism in 3D. Perhaps Norv's daughter can work for Charlotte.

Where this goes, nobody knows. We're so beaten and branded from 16 years of let-down, we kind of just stare blankly straight ahead anymore.

OK, bring it on. Whatever. Let's do it. 4-3. Tampa 2. Our boy Norv. Rock and roll. Super Bowl.

On we go.