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Chauvinist Jokes

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by trickblue, Nov 2, 2004.

  1. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    Don't shoot the messenger... I'm only doing my duty and passing these along...

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

    Why is a laundrymat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

    How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
    When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog of course... at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

    What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
    A woman that won't do what she's told.

    I married Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
    I don't like to interrupt her.

    What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
    Divorced.

    Bigamy is having one wife too many.
    Some say monogamy is the same.

    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    Wedding cake.

    Marriage is a 3-ring circus :-
    Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

    The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
    I said, "Dust!".

    Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
    Two mother-in-laws.

    Young Son: "Dad, is it true that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
    Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

    A man inserted an 'ad' in the local classified paper: "Wife Wanted".
    Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

    A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

    What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
    Nothing... she's already been told... twice

    Statistics show that married men live longer than single men... although married men are much more willing to die...
  2. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    Sorry... thought I was in the Off-Topic Zone... I have asked BP to move this...
  3. jacs

    jacs I'd Hit It

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    [IMG]
  4. LaTunaNostra

    LaTunaNostra He Made the Difference

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    What are you?

    Blonde?
  5. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    Don't take your anger out on me... :D

    I actually posted this in the Political Zone earlier...
  6. jacs

    jacs I'd Hit It

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    [IMG]
  7. RatisBeast

    RatisBeast Chevy Guy

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    OMG that's hilarious......funny stuff man.
  8. cowboyfan4life_mark

    cowboyfan4life_mark 5 outta 8 ain't bad

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    Ok, I have one.
    What is the first thing a woman does after getting out of an womens abuse center?



    The dishes if she knows whats good for her.



    I am cowboyfan4life_mark, and I do not approve of this message, (not that theres anything wrong with that).

    J/K
  9. The30YardSlant

    The30YardSlant Benched

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    Very suprised CP hasnt come along and ripped you to pieces....
  10. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    WOW... has this thread ever gone to the dogs... :D
  11. LaTunaNostra

    LaTunaNostra He Made the Difference

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    The vulgarity here is WAY over the top.
  12. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    Not my fault LTN... I just reported the facts...
  13. CowboyPrincess

    CowboyPrincess Priceless

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    Hey! Even I, a blonde, wouldn't have made that mistake... that was a MAN mistake... not watching where he's going and not asking for directions to the right destination...
  14. CowboyPrincess

    CowboyPrincess Priceless

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    Oh I'm here...

    Y'all better move out of the way cuz things are gonna start flying towards Trick
  15. CowboyPrincess

    CowboyPrincess Priceless

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    Um... excuse me honey... What do you think you are doing? Did you not think I would find out about this? You are I are going to be having a very very long talk about this later....

    A womans work is never done....
  16. RatisBeast

    RatisBeast Chevy Guy

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    I hope i'm excluded from the "man mistake" :(
  17. CowboyPrincess

    CowboyPrincess Priceless

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    Depends.... Are you joining in on the woman bashing???


    Oh ok... I'll give you a pass this time, but only because of Pre...
    :D
  18. RatisBeast

    RatisBeast Chevy Guy

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    Well i laughed at the jokes......that's all i did...... :D
  19. CowboyPrincess

    CowboyPrincess Priceless

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    like my edit says... I'll give you a pass because of Pre... but only one
  20. RatisBeast

    RatisBeast Chevy Guy

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    sweet! :) You keeping up with the race? it's close..... :D

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