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Excerpts from Walt Garrison's book: Cowboys and motorcycles

Discussion in 'History Zone' started by Chief, Jun 13, 2006.

  1. Chief

    Chief "Friggin Joke Monkey"

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    Since this topic is in the news now, I thought I would go back and pull some funny stuff out of Walt Garrison's book, "Once a Cowboy."

    The first one is about Ralph "Rotten" Neely and the second is on Mike "Monk" Ditka.
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    A group of Cowboys started riding motorcycles. On Mondays after the game, we’d usually go out to Grapevine Lake and ride out in the dirt all day. Mike Ditka was with the Cowboys then and bought a 125 cc. Dave Edwards had a 125. Me and Lilly and Cliff Harris and Reeves had one. And, of course, that meant Ralph had to have one too.

    Rotten couldn’t ride worth a damn. He kept falling off all day. But that didn’t make any difference. His bike had to be bigger and better than everybody else’s. So Ralph went out and bought a Husqvarna 400, an absolute man-eating monster. Comes with a chair and a whip.

    Anyway, we’d been out riding all day and we’re packing it up to go home and off in the distance I could see Cliff coming in and his eyes are as big as silver dollars. And I thought, “Oh ****. What happened?”

    Cliff and Rotten had been riding together and Ralph says, “Cliff, let’s jump some hills.”

    And Cliff was thinking, “Christ, Ralph, you can barely ride. And now you want to jump hills?” Plus, he knew Ralph had a herd of ponies under him that would scare the **** out of Cochise. But he figured, “Ah, what the hell.”

    There was a grass field out where they were riding and at the end of it was a hill that went up at a nice pitch. Nothing too scary. So Cliff gunned his 125 and went right up the hill and waited there for Ralph.

    Ralph guns his monster and gets about halfway up and falls over. So he gets up cussing. “Damn motorcycle ain’t worth ****. They don’t make anything worth a damn anymore.”

    Good ol’ Rotten.

    So Ralph goes back down and tries it again, only this time he really cranks that puppy to full throttle. Here comes Ralph eeeeeeeeeeee, thumb eeeeeeee, thumb eeeeeeee, about 60 or 70 mph and he climbs right up to the top … and keeps right on going. He shoots into the air about 20 feet.

    Ralph’s legs are real long and instead of putting them on the footrest, he used to ride with them dangling along the ground. Well, he lands on his back and starts rolling down the hill and with those big ol’ legs going every which way. When he finally stops, he looks back at Cliff and says real calmly, “Ah, Cliff, I think I hurt my foot. Look at it would you?”

    And sure enough, his leg was pointing up the hill and his foot was pointing down. He’d broke it in three places, dislocated his ankle and tore a bunch of ligaments. Out for the season.

    They throw Rotten in the back of Ditka’s truck with the muddy old bikes and every time they’d go over a bump, Neely would scream. But nobody gave a damn about Neely’s pain. All they kept saying to him all the way home was, “Don’t tell Landry we were riding motorcycles. Let’s tell him we were riding horses. Ya, we were riding along and a snake bit Ralph’s horse.”


    --------------------

    Ya, Ditka was a madman. When we were all into motorcycles, Mike bought a Yamaha. It was yellow but that didn’t fit Mike’s image of himself. So he painted it black and he bought a black leather jacket and black leather pants and a black helmet. Man, he looked like Lucifer on wheels.

    Only problem was he couldn’t ride worth beans. One place we used to go riding had a hill with a creek at the bottom and Monk would always try to jump the creek. And every time he’d miss and hit the other bank. Bam! “Damnit!”

    And he’d start that thing up again, go back and try to jump it again and he’d miss again. Bam! “Damnit!” He’d get up and go again. Bam! "Damnit!"

    But what really pissed Ditka off was Cliff and Charlie could hop that creek like it was a puddle. And they’d yell back at Mike, “Come on, you fat chipmunk!” and ride off. Ditka hated those two little bastards. So he’d get back and Bam!. “Damnit!”
  2. Hostile

    Hostile Tacos are a good investment Zone Supporter

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    I love Walt. I'm sitting here at work laughing myself to tears. I can just see these guys ignoring Neely's screaming while they worry about Landry being mad at them.
  3. burmafrd

    burmafrd Well-Known Member

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    That was when men were men and they were ALL SCARED OF TOM.
  4. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    GREAT STUFF.

    Rolling reading that.

    Thanks Chief for posting that.

    I gotta get that book.
  5. Chief

    Chief "Friggin Joke Monkey"

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    Walt has a way of describing things. The funniest part about Ditka is when they all went skiing. It takes Ditka all day to get down the mountain because he falls every few feet. When he gets to the bottom, he has snot frozen in his mustache and his sweater is so wet that it's hanging down to his knees.
  6. RCowboyFan

    RCowboyFan New Member

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    Great, stuff, Chief, thanks for posting. Was LMOA at the Ditka excerpt. Need to really read that book.
  7. RCowboyFan

    RCowboyFan New Member

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    :lmao2: :lmao:
  8. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    :laugh1: :lmao:

    Yes, you have me convinced.

    I have to find that book and order it.

    Walt sounds like a character that knows how to make a story funny. Sometimes it is in the funny lines and details that really make a story or joke great.

    That line about the cycle beeing a beast that came with a chair and whip had me rolling.

    Reading those reminds me of listening to an old Jerry Clower record or something.
  9. Chief

    Chief "Friggin Joke Monkey"

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    NFL Films has some clips of Walt telling stories. He told one about Staubach trying chewing tobacco that was priceless. After Roger bolted from a team meeting to vomit in a flower bed outside the door, Landry told him to never give Roger that stuff again.

    Some people have a gift of story telling ... it's a lost art ... and Walt is one of those people.
  10. Duane

    Duane Active Member

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    Funniest thing I've read in months. Thanks for the laugh Chief.
  11. ZeroClub

    ZeroClub just trying to get better

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    Nice excerpts....

    By the way -

    I seem to remember that one summer Charlie Waters and Cliff Harris rode motorcycles to training camp -- all the way out to Thousand Oaks.

    Anybody else remember this?
  12. JIGGYFLY

    JIGGYFLY Active Member

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    Does this mean we had a team of morons or do you have to be a little moronic to be a great player ?
  13. dougonthebench

    dougonthebench Cowboys Forever

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    stories like this remind me of how great the "old" Cowboys were!Man I miss those guys playing.
  14. 5Stars

    5Stars Here comes the Sun...

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    Chief, I read that book last summer and it was one of the most faciniating books I have ever read!

    There is another part in their about Stuabach asking Walt, how was it that Walt had (I think) two boys, and Staubach had (I think) three girls? Staubach asked Walt how he did it?

    Walt told Staubach, well...Rog, if you bring Linda on over, I'll see if I can't get you a boy! :eek: (I think that was her name, if not, you get the picture)...

    Walt said that Staubach's face went red! :lmao:

    I absoutely love that book! Also, read Henderson's book, "Out Of Control"...then you will understand why I admire him so much...

    :star:
  15. burmafrd

    burmafrd Well-Known Member

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    The guys looked at life a lot differently back then. Neely sold his cycle real quick after the accident. I imagine a lot of guys backed off after that. Just like some will now after this latest one. Unfortunately not enough will.
  16. AsthmaField

    AsthmaField Outta bounds

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    :laugh1:

    He's lucky Roger didn't have him kicked out of the NFL.
  17. Hostile

    Hostile Tacos are a good investment Zone Supporter

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    If I remember correctly, Staubach was fascinated by Walt's character. Walt dipped snuff and chewed tobacco. I belive Roger tried it at one point and Walt had sotries about that as well. It's been a while so I can't recount those tales for anyone.
  18. big dog cowboy

    big dog cowboy THE BIG DOG Staff Member

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    Gotta love that old school stuff. It never gets old.
  19. dougonthebench

    dougonthebench Cowboys Forever

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    those were the days of 20 straight WINNING seasons!!!!
  20. Hostile

    Hostile Tacos are a good investment Zone Supporter

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    That will never happen again in the NFL.

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