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Got this in an email...

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by BrAinPaiNt, Oct 2, 2004.

  1. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Bad Santa Staff Member

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    Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country..


    "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

    "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

    "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

    "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

    "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

    "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

    "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

    "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

    "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

    "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

    "Just how big were those two beers?"

    "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have a quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

    "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

    "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
  2. LaTunaNostra

    LaTunaNostra He Made the Difference

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    Those two are classics!!
  3. jamez25

    jamez25 Active Member

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    that's wrong :D
  4. RatisBeast

    RatisBeast Chevy Guy

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    that was some great stuff BP....keep them coming....:)
  5. Hostile

    Hostile Tacos are a good investment Zone Supporter

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    I enjoyed that.

    When I got out of high school I had a fast car and I played on a semi pro baseball team. One day me and some teammates were driving past my high school after a game and I just couldn't help myself. I went into the parking lot and cranked the steering wheel hard and hit the gas. I was doing donuts and raising a hug dust cloud. Finally I hit the brakes. We were all laughing like hyenas. Until the dust cleared and we saw the flashing red and blue lights.

    I grabbed my wallet and stepped out of the car to greet the officer.

    He said, "how many tickets do you want?"

    I replied, "none if you don't feel like writing."

    He started laughing and let me go after he made sure I hadn't had a few.
  6. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    One of my favorite on the opposite side...

    A man gets pulled over by a state trooper...

    Trooper: Do you know how fast you were going?
    Driver: No sir... I do apologize if I was going to fast... any chance of getting a warning?
    Trooper: No sir... you broke the law...
    Driver: But I donated to the State Trooper's Ball last year...
    Trooper: State Troopers don't have balls, sir...
    Driver: That's what I heard...
  7. SoTex

    SoTex Giddy Up

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    I bet the "Chicks" were beating down your door after that Hos.. :D
  8. KINGBRICE_28

    KINGBRICE_28 New Member

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    all of those were great..... :)

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