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I think the government is watching me .....

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by BrAinPaiNt, Jul 15, 2004.

  1. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    I think the government is watching me...

    I think they believe that I am fat
    I think they believe that I am dumb
    I think they believe that I spend too much time on the internet
    I think they believe I have a sexual disfunction
    I think they believe I am single and can't get laid.

    Why do I think they believe these things?

    Well I keep getting these emails on about...

    Emails about a special diet that can help me lose weight
    Emails about getting my college degree......
    over the internet
    Emails about getting viagra or other similar drugs, methods to achieve banana pants.
    Emails to escorts or dating services.


    Well....they got their information wrong on a few things....

    I am married.




    :p Sorry....we needed a short break from the serious debates.... You May return to your regulary scheduled heated debate now.
  2. Irving Cowboy

    Irving Cowboy The Chief

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    Maybe it SHOULD read... (at least in my case)

    I am married.

    No wonder they believe that I am fat
    No wonder they believe that I am dumb
    No wonder they believe that I spend too much time on the internet
    No wonder they believe I have a sexual disfunction
    No wonder they believe I can't get laid.
  3. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    You mean those ads are sent by the govt? :eek:

    No wonder none of them work...
  4. TruBlueCowboy

    TruBlueCowboy New Member

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    HAHA! Good one! :D
  5. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    You may have a good point....I notice an odd tax deduction on my pay check that says....to make citizen better.
  6. Cajuncowboy

    Cajuncowboy Preacher From The Black Lagoon

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    Hey Brain, here's a secret. I'm the one who told on you. I have my connections.
  7. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    LIAR!!!!...You do not believe in sex :p
  8. Cajuncowboy

    Cajuncowboy Preacher From The Black Lagoon

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    Oh no, You're wrong. I love sex. I prefer to have it with the opposite sex and then to have it with the same one over and over again. That's the way it's supposed to work. If it doesn't work that way, it must be broken.
  9. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    Well as much as we may disagree on many things...this is one thing we will agree on.
    There is only one woman for me and I could never cheat on her...take my marriage very serious.

    On a side note....

    Sometimes she is mean to me.

    Sometimes she puts duct tape on my nipples and then yanks it off.
    Sometimes she puts me butt first into the washer and turns it on the spin cycle.
    Sometimes she beats me with curtain rods and makes me call her "Mistress LuLu in the MuMu"
    Sometimes she keeps my private parts in a jar in the closet.


    But all in all I love her and could never cheat on her....sometimes when I am in the mood...but she is hurt, sick or just not in the mood....instead of cheating with another person....

    I get a palm full of peanut butter,
    Turn on some country music,
    And look at pictures of farm animals...

    Sorry...just the West Virginian in me :p
  10. Cajuncowboy

    Cajuncowboy Preacher From The Black Lagoon

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    Wow, Saturday night's at the Brainpaint"s is chock full of fun.
  11. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    Fun!!....FUN!!!

    You get one of your nipples ripped off and we will see if you thing it is FUN.

    ...and all along I thought you cared. :p
  12. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    Stop validating the stereotype to WV... Arkansas is getting upset...
  13. marsbennett

    marsbennett Mars Man

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    Great thread, everyone! I really needed a chuckle. By the way, I feel the same about my wife, Paint...and I'm with Cajun on his thoughts in the thread. Thumbs up to a lighter side of political posting!
  14. silverbear

    silverbear Semi-Official Loose Cannon

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    Do you know what they call a pretty girl in West Virginia??

    A tourist...

    Do you know what a West Virginia virgin is?

    That's a ten year old girl who can either outrun or beat up her eight year old brother...

    Do you know where a hillbilly thinks virgin wool comes from??

    REALLY ugly sheep...

    Why do they shovel manure in the aisles at a hillbilly wedding??

    To keep the flies off the bride...

    Here in Virginia, we do love our West Virginia jokes...
  15. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    Knock it off....only people from West Virginia can make WV jokes.

    You just stick to your own state you bunch of ACC whores
    :p
  16. Danny White

    Danny White Winter is Coming

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    Notice he doesn't deny any of it.
  17. Irving Cowboy

    Irving Cowboy The Chief

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    A Virginia State Trooper pulls over a good ol boy and approaches the car. The driver rolls down the window and the Trooper asks, "Got any ID, Mister?"

    The driver replies, "About what?"
  18. silverbear

    silverbear Semi-Official Loose Cannon

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    Sorry, you're obviously not aware of the loophole that says if you live within 20 minutes of the West By Gawd border, you are also allowed raggin' rights... besides, I have a niece who lives in Martinsburg, so I find myself spending time in your "great state" on occasion... I know whereof I speak...

    And for the record, I'm a Big XII whore, as in a Longhorns fan, not an ACC whore... I like UVa just fine, but I don't get worked up about them like I do about the Horns...

    I can tell you that UVa is loaded this year... if they can adequately replace Matt Schaub at quarterback, they'll be scary good...
  19. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    I was talking more about the VT defection...and the idea that they were going to fight the other schools leaving the big east until the gov of virginia started wanting the two major schools in the state to be in the same conf.

    BTW....remember we left you...not the other way around.

    That being said....I would rather live in texas.

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