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If Men Ruled the World...

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by trickblue, Jul 7, 2005.

  1. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    • Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
    • Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
    • Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
    • When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
    • Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the behind and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
    • Birth control would come in ale or lager.
    • You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood Jablowme" or "Hugh Jorgan".
    • Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL teamof your choice.
    • The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
    • "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
    • At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
    • Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
    • Tanks would be far easier to rent.
    • Garbage would take itself out.
    • Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
    • Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
    • Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
    • On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
    • Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
    • The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
    • It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
    • Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
    • When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.

      As in:

      Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
      You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
      Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
    • Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."
    • Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation
  2. Duane

    Duane Active Member

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  3. joseephuss

    joseephuss Well-Known Member

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    But what about if I am on a 900 line call. Could I hang up or do I just lose those last 10 seconds.
  4. Hoov

    Hoov Senior Member

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    That was awesome trick, really funny stuff, i cant even pick a favorite it was all good.

    Well, the one about your gf appearing in a small box during time out - i good a good visual image of that one that made me laugh really hard.

    And yes, the sorry im late i got really wasted last night excuse could come in handy....dont these people know how rough it is just getting to the coffee machine and fixing the first cup, let alone making it to work ?
  5. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    Just keep calling this number every 30 seconds...hey it's cheaper...

    Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

    :p:


    And let's be honest...do your really need anymore then 30 seconds :p: ;)
  6. ROMOSAPIEN9

    ROMOSAPIEN9 Proud Grandpa

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    I can't wait to see the "If Women Ruled The World" rebuttal.
  7. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    There will be no rebuttle....because...they ALREADY rule the world. :mad: :p:
  8. ROMOSAPIEN9

    ROMOSAPIEN9 Proud Grandpa

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    Well, I'm feeling froggy today, so ***...I'll be un-PC and call B.S. on that. :cool:

    P.S. It's "rebuttal." :p:
  9. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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    I would suggest that you not even bother correcting my spelling....as it will ware you out :eek: :p:

    Oh yeah...women rule the world...they just let us men think we do.

    The core root of every bad thing that happens....is in some way caused by women. :p:
  10. Qwickdraw

    Qwickdraw Benched

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  11. Zaxor

    Zaxor Virtus Mille Scuta

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    I agree great work Trick but the gf in the small window on the tv cracked me up most along with the smack on the behind

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