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Joke - Performance Evaluations

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by Duane, Jun 1, 2006.

  1. Duane

    Duane Active Member

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    For everyone who has ever had a performance evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are quotes taken from actual employee performance evaluations.

    1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

    2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

    3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

    4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

    5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

    6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

    7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

    8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

    9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

    10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

    11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

    12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

    14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

    15. "He's been working with glue too much."

    16. "He would argue with a signpost."

    17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

    18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

    19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

    20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

    21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

    22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

    23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

    24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

    25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

    26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

    27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

    28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

    29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

    30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

    31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

    32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
  2. Hoov

    Hoov Senior Member

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    4,19 and 26 were my favorites. ive read this before somewhere, funny stuff.
  3. Yeagermeister

    Yeagermeister Active Member

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    How did you get a hold of my last review? :mad:
  4. Duane

    Duane Active Member

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    #24 is my personal favorite.
  5. Gibby!

    Gibby! Pom Pom Waving Shill

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    Yeag, Yeag, Yeag, a full page quote and a 10 word response? And you call yourself a mod...

    9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

    Better get started.

    8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

    I see my report has been leaked.


    :lmao2:
  6. Qwickdraw

    Qwickdraw Benched

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    Definitely 8 and 14.
  7. WoodysGirl

    WoodysGirl Shut up and play! Staff Member

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    Gibby, take it easy on him, he's still in training... :p:


    28 was my fav. Only because it can be universally applied.

    Like 21 and 27, too. Actually, I liked a bunch of them.

    Man, those are great Duane. I'll be sending these via email tomorrow. :)
  8. Gibby!

    Gibby! Pom Pom Waving Shill

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    Training shmaining. Im wearin out my mousewheel lately :p: Mods should have to pass a test :pencil:.

    Anyway, back to my villiage, I am sure I am well missed by now...
  9. royhitshard

    royhitshard New Member

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    #8 is my personal favorite. Funny stuff.
  10. gollum

    gollum Member

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    Did anyone else notice that #13 was missing? Some people have no room to make fun of others LOL
  11. Yeagermeister

    Yeagermeister Active Member

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    Shall I test my ability to ban a user? ;)
  12. Gibby!

    Gibby! Pom Pom Waving Shill

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    Well as the retrieval expert the Rock would say, I should stick with option A. :)
  13. Star Struck

    Star Struck New Member

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    I can relate!!!

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