Discussion in 'Members Zone' started by Hostile, Dec 11, 2006.
I miss your Drew Henson avi.
This may well be the very first time that I've every openly stated that I have respect for a Cowboy's fan, but I do have respect for you Hostile (A.k.a. Hos; A.k.a., the Duke).
I remember when you were just a regular member, turned moderator, turned Administrator, now returned to regular member. You were a tough regular member (remember our debate almost 2 years ago about "hunting season?"). You were tough, but fair as a moderator (as many a troll will attest). I wonder how is the new Duke as a regular Zone member will be ...I'm thinking a softy ))!
As an Administrator, you gave me some opportunities that elevated my experience to new levels (you know what I mean). The Cowboy fandom is fortunate to have you ...but you'd make one hellofva Eagles fan!
Duke, this one is for you ...
Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway.
I've always followed my father's advice: he told me, first to always keep my word and, second, to never insult anybody unintentionally. If I insult you, you can be ***damn sure I intend to. And, third, he told me not to go around looking for trouble.
John Wayne - Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much.
John Wayne - A man has to have a code, a way of life to live by.
John Wayne (1907 - 1979) Epitaph on headstone of actor John Wayne (author unknown) ...
Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight, very clean. When it arrives it is perfect. It puts itself in our hands. It hopes we learned something from yesterday.
I'll see you soon (quote Jake in the movie Tombstone).
I was avoiding making a post here for the fact that I really don't know you that well. From what I've seen and few times dealing with you you seem like a stand up guy. The reason I have posted is because anyone that commands the respect you get from everyone on this board speaks volumes, and that commands my respect.
In honor of the roast.
Hos does not know this but I have been pulling tricks on him for years now.
When he was younger I saw him running through the desert and I strategically placed a rattlesnake just at the right spot.
He came running by and saw it at he last minute. You should have seen him jumping in the air over that thing. He could have rivaled Jesse Owens in the long jump. It was a funny thing to behold. You had this huge guy jumping like that.
In my minds eye I pictured Howard Hughes getting the spruce goose off the ground and even though it was a short distance it was still a thing to behold. If memory serves I think I also heard Flight of the Valkyrie playing or maybe it was the theme to Benny Hill...it was some time ago and I can't be sure as he memory is a bit fuzzy these days.
Some years later I hired a crack head to approach Hos in the alley behind his home one night. I told the crack head to act all crazy (which was not a stretch) and pretend to be really mad at hos. I knew the crack head at one time was a superstar football player who could really move but I also knew that in his current state had no chance and would get pummeled but the dark side was controlling me that night and I went with it.
So Hos goes to take the trash out that night and there is the crack head. Hos just kinds of looks at him but does not speak. Then the crack head on cue starts up with his acting job. It is quite amazing that they can not hold a job but can act at the drop of a dime.
So the crack head starts jumping up and down, waving his arms and threatening to beat up Hos.
Hos clobbers the guy with one hit and he goes down like a sack of potatoes. It reminded me of a scene with Alex Karras playing Mongo in the movie Blazing Saddles. In my minds eye I pictured Hos standing over the knocked out crack head and saying "Hos no like crazy crack heads".
Well while the crack head was knocked out Hos went to go call the police.
While he was doing that I slipped a note inside of the crack heads pocket. Than I woke him up and told him that I had no time to pay him because the police were coming. With the word Police the crack head took off and I thought I could hear the sound effects from that old tv show The six million dollar man.
On a side note a few years later I happened to see Adbutcher moving into a new place. A few minutes later I happened to see that same crack head again. I guess disney is right, it is a small world after all. So I tell the crack head to go and hide in the utility shed and scare whoever opens it. Not sure if he remembered the last beat down, or even if he remember me but there was a scared look on his face, to reassure him I told him the payment for this would be of huge wealth.
So he hides and when Adbutcher opens the door to the building he scared the living daylights out of that crack head. Imagine the size of hos, now add even more size and that would be adbutcher. Well the crack head is shifty and fast and he took off eluding the capture of adbutcher.
The crack head met me at a predetermined location a few minutes later.
He asked for his payment.
I reached inside of his pocket and found the same note I left him years ago.
I unfolded the note and told him this is wisdom beyond measure that will turn your life around.
The note read, instead of getting beat down, stop doing drugs and pursue other avenues in life. I guess it struck home. Years later I heard he was trying to make another go at life and tried to make it as a QB for some CFL team. I also heard it did not work out, but at least he was trying.
Well enough about the crack head, back to stories of Hos.
The next year I happened to be at New York on a vacation.
I seen Hos and some guy he was calling fluke or puke, can not remember what he said as my ears are sort of bad, I saw him and this guy going into a building.
I seen hos carrying some plastic binder and I could tell it was important to him because he was carrying it tightly to his chest just like Winicki holds a box of Twinkies at the supermarket.
So I follow Hos and Luke (or whatever that guys name is) into the building and I wait until hos lets his guard down. He sets his binder down and when he was jumping up and down and yelling something like "HENSON IS DREAMY" I poured a full bottle of cheap beer on his binder. I did not realize until after I poured but he had a train ticket in the binder. I just hope that wet ticket did not cause him trouble.
Some time had passed and I decided it was time to prank him gain. So I learned that his favorite book was Moby Dick.
When he was out back in his yard I walked into his house. I found his Moby Dick book. It was quite amazing. It was in a glass case and when you opened the case a light shined down from above and there was a noise like a chorus of angels. Well back to the story.
I decided that he must have read that book so much that he needed a change for the next reading. I left the cover of the book but took out all of the pages.
I put my own pages in. I have been writing for over a year for this prank. I put in a story called Moby Hick. It was a story of a fat and hairy West Virginian with an affinity for sandpaper and farm animals.
I put the book back in the glass case, which in turn the light quit shining down and the chorus of angels stopped singing.
I don't know if he ever read the book again, or if he read it but just never noticed anything different as I have never heard him comment on the situation.
So time passed and I figured it was about time to prank him again.
I knew he had a certain love for Nyquil and I figured that would be something I could work with.
When he was at work I broke into his house. I took his bottle of Nyqil. I poured out all of the nyquil and filled it with liquid speed. Than I got in a van across the street and waited.
He got home that evening and did some things outside of the house. Later that night I think he was about ready to go to bed. I seen him go in and grab the bottle of Nyquil. It was kind of funny to see it, it looked like King Kong grabbing Fay Wray. It was not only the size of hos compared to the bottle that made me think of that, but it was also the look on his face. He had that longing look and inquisitive look. It was just very odd.
So he took the cap off the bottle and drank the whole thing. He went back into his living room to watch a little more tv.
What came next was a thing of awe. To this day it is still a blur of confusion.
At first I thought nothing was going to happen. I figured that there was just not enough speed in the bottle to really do much to hos as he is so big.
But than it happened. It started off with something that I have never seen, or even heard of in my life. He expelled gas from both ends pretty much at the same time. One from the backside and a split second later one from his huge pie hole. I swear it sounded like an old Fog Horn from a big ship. First the one sound for the back and than the lower sound from the other end. It was quite amazing to behold. It was so powerful it caused the TV to change channels with out Hos touching the remote control. It cause pictures to fall of walls in the house. I even saw a guy a few houses down that at one time must have been a sailor of some sorts. He was walking his dog and when that noise happened he yelled out..."HARD TO PORT IYE CAPTAIN".
Well at that time I looked back at Hos in his living room and it looked like he was a pinball. He was bouncing off the walls and flying everywhere in the house. It looked like Jim Carey flying around in The Mask. I heard illegible grunts like he was the Tasmanian devil. He looked like a wild moth bouncing around a light bulb out on some old porch. He was whirling and blurring, spinning and grinning, turning and burning. After a few minutes of this the speed must have wore off.
He sounded like an old go cart that was running out of gas, sputtering and choking. He finally stopped and sat down. I swear I think he lost 55 pounds in that short time. I looked at the house and the living room was in shambles. It looked like a bull with mad cow disease took out it's anger and vengeance in a china shop.
I felt so bad about the damage that I pledged to myself never to do that type of prank on him again. I figured if I ever pranked him again it would be something small that caused no damage.
So...at this time I have been trying to think of the next prank, I am sure it will come to me but until that time I just think back at all the things that have happened over the years.
With all of that out of the way I must note that I have always joked with Hostile about his long winded writing. I have often called his works Novellas. In which I am reminded of my hypocrisy when I write one of my own long winded posts.
I like that statement in bold.
You know a few years ago a lady from my home town ran into a local friend of mine down in Sierra Vista by Ft. Huachuca. The lady from my home town was wearing a t-shirt or sweatshirt of that town. My local friend said that he knew someone from there, and when she asked who, he told her me. She proceeded to tell him a bunch of stories about me, and he did the same for her.
He concluded this by telling her that he considers me "the world's most perfect idiot."
I always took that as one of the best compliments ever paid to me. Integrity with an attitude works for me. Thank you.
Thks Hos for being a great mod...
It has been a pleasure reading this board for years now......and you are one of the reasons why.
Not going anywhere.
Quit saying my beloved Buckeyes are going to roll over the Gators...You're making me nervous...Don't jinx them.
That was pretty funny. I liked the set up crack head stuff with me and Ad.
My sister-in-law mentioned the story of me hitting that guy to her new boyfriend when they came by on Saturday. Funny how that story keeps coming back. I think part of me will always wonder whatever happened to that guy.
Well, now I know...
Your Buckeyes? Oh don't act like you like them. All the horrible things you say about them.
sorry hos, you don't touch a quigly post.
Holy crap Brain that's the funniest thing I've read from you ever. And it ranks real close to the Dead Tree Crew Photoshop.
Thanks for all of the hard work HOS, much appreciated.
Man, haven't we come a long way.
I remember the Zone was a place some of use just stopped by when we got tired of the venom (amongst posters) and control freak mod at the DMN site.
Posters than stood out IMHO at the time Mr.Bill, WRZ, DallasEast, Scott_David to name a few. Of course a sharp and hard hiitng guy came along....... "Too Hostile" adding some flavor to the the mix. Sadly, I was banned a couple of weeks after Too Hostile arrival at DMN.
Anyway, I am just happy you aren't doing a dissapearing act like our old buddy Scott_David.
THANK GAWD we finally get to rid this place of the albatross that Hostile had become. I'd have 10 x's the post count if he weren't such an over-officious zealot! His username is VERY befitting.
The site had really come to a grinding halt the past couple years with him pulling the reigns. Maybe we can get some traffic around here now!
Best of luck always!
Luv you man,
I miss his posts, always enjoyed reading them.
We should have drafted Merriman instead....
j/k. Congrats Hostile. May your ever flowing sarcasm never run dry. I am a new member, a migrant, if you will from a particular Cowboys board that I joined in 2002 or so (but just lurked). So my experience with you is relatively limited....but I did always enjoy reading your posts....
Chuck Norris wears Hostile pj's
PM me, and I'll tell you where "Scott_David" can be found today.