When Chuck Norris donates blood, he doesn't need a syringe. He tells the nurse to bring a pistol and a bucket. Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice. Chuck Norris doesn't own a microwave, oven or stove because revenge is a dish best served cold. Chuck Norris doesn't own a watch. HE decides what time it is. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Long John Silvers, and got one. When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake, before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his own teeth, and boils the water with only his rage. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded pistol, and won. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. The drummer for Def Leppard only has one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding. CNN was originally the Chuck Norris Network so that it could provide Americans with on the spot ***-kicking in real time. People have 23 sets of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72, and they are all poisonous. Chuck Norris sets ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking, because the Rock is Chuck Norris's kitchen *****. Not every one that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts. There is no theory of evolution. Only animals that Chuck Norris has allowed to live. As a baby, Chuck Norris's parents gave him a plastic toy hammer. He gave the world the Pyramids. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris always knows the location of Carmen San Diego. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to escape Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. The result of that kick, we call giraffes. Chuck Norris eats only beef jerky and ****s gun powder. He uses the gun powder to make bullets which he uses to kill more cows to make more beef jerky. Biologists call this "The Circle of Life."