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Quick Hits on Marriage...(Ladies-style)

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by WoodysGirl, Apr 13, 2005.

  1. WoodysGirl

    WoodysGirl Shut up and play! Staff Member

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    Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

    "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you.

    I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
    Those are my rules. Any comments?"

    His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night......... whether you're here or not."

    *******************
    Marriage (Part II)
    Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

    The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

    "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

    *******************

    Marriage (Part III)

    Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

    After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

    She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?"

    "Getting a second opinion!"
    *******************

    Marriage (Part IV)

    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

    One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?

    His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

    *******************

    Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

    He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
    The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."


    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

    --------------
    Sorry, I couldn't help myself, I had to post these..:p:
  2. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    I see nothing remotely funnny about any of them... :confused:
  3. WoodysGirl

    WoodysGirl Shut up and play! Staff Member

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    Why? A little close to home, maybe??;)

    j/k:D

    I personally thought they were cute. Can't imagine why you wouldn't.:)
  4. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    I assume your TV rarely strays from "Lifetime" and "Oxygen"... :D
  5. WoodysGirl

    WoodysGirl Shut up and play! Staff Member

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    Booo...hissss...:rolleyes: :)

    More like Espn and NFL Network. I go to bed watching sportscenter and switch to ESPNews to watch Mike and Mike in the morning.
  6. adbutcher

    adbutcher K9NME

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    The estrogen level in this thread is too high cap'in! Abort, abort! :)
  7. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    Well then we would get along SWIMMINGLY...

    Can a watch just a wee-bit of Lifetime from time to time?

    Oh wait... I thought I was brainpaint for a minute...
  8. WoodysGirl

    WoodysGirl Shut up and play! Staff Member

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    Better watch it, you're gonna actually assimilate into being one of the real MOD.:p:
  9. trickblue

    trickblue Old Testament... Zone Supporter

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    Well... at least you didn't say they are rubbing off on me... Juke's already tried that...
  10. WoodysGirl

    WoodysGirl Shut up and play! Staff Member

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    Tried what...rubbing on you??:eek: :D
  11. jterrell

    jterrell Penguinite

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    a little cinemax, some steaks and beer; you much make the hall of fame.

    :)
  12. adbutcher

    adbutcher K9NME

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    cosign!

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