Squirrel Erradication

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by Hopeuhavechange, Jan 9, 2013.

  1. Hopeuhavechange

    Hopeuhavechange New Member

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    My nemesis are these little long-tailed furry rodents with the overbite. Yeah, they're cute and all, but very destructive to my humble abode. I've resolved they must be terminated. FYI not fond of poisoning option; have seen the suffering it engenders.

    They have eaten an entrance hole on the second level and an egress area on the opposite side of the house, same level. I patched it up; they chewed clean through my work short order. Last several weeks I hired some contractors to install discrete concrete wall-barriers on their front and back doors. They simply chose a nearby site. Nocturnally I hear them squeaking or chattering-- likely about my futlity in ridding them, I suspect. They mock me!

    Time to break out my arsenal? Hire exterminators?

    Your expert (Pro) opinions or those homeowners who have successfully defeated these little devils greatly appreciated.

  2. joseephuss

    joseephuss Well-Known Member

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    Send in Chinese Needle Snakes to eat the squirrels.

    Then send in snake-eating gorillas to take out the snakes.

    Then when wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.
  3. JBond

    JBond Well-Known Member

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    I have used Have a Heart traps effectively.

    Be sure to relocate them at least ten miles away. I used to release them in a state park.
  4. Hopeuhavechange

    Hopeuhavechange New Member

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    That's an intriguing approach, and it's just crazy enough to succeed.

    But for a few hurdles: 1) I don't live in China 2)Gorillas are not native to my neck of the woods and 2) moreover this would require a wicked gaping hole for them to squeeze into to work their magic.

    Then there's the issue of a long lingering rotting menagerie above my bedroom with which to contend. I suppose strategically placed scented candles in the crawl space might mitigate the stinch but such would likely lead to an inferno consuming the homestead..

    But that would solve this issue once and for all, wouldn't it. Oh, I suppose you're right after all.
  5. Dallas

    Dallas Old bulletproof tiger

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    If it were me I would hire 2-3 Cocker Spaniels w/ night optics and send them in like a seal team 6 style of approach for your wayward guests.

    Most likely there is a leader in that family of squirrels. A very rich and powerful squirrel who has lived off of your misery these past couple of months you can be sure.

    Maybe get some stealth hanggliders pre-wired to explode upon landing your death squad of pooches. You don't know how many of your enemy you may take out with that giant ball of flame. Make it look like an accident and then leave everything behind.......SO THEY KNOW YOU WERE THERE and can tell all of the other squirrels that you live and that YOU ARE REAL and should be FEARED. You want it to say "MOVE OUT OR DIE."

    You laugh, but Cocker-Spaniels are patient creatures. The sit ALOT and watch you and sleep, but they are always vigilant and prepared for any obscurities to raise their head. Don't be fooled by the jolly faces and doe eyes these animals posess. It is is all part of the suit. Good luck to you and soldier on. You can win this......btw: I know a guy who knows a guy who has a cousin in a NM prison who has a lead on a couple of these assassins if you ever get serious. CALL ME..........

  6. Phoenix

    Phoenix Well-Known Member

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    Request Anonymous to reprogram a few of the military drones. Make sure they are equipped with Hellfire missiles.

    JIMMYBUFFETT Skinwalker

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    A Gamo 1200fps pellet gun with a Aimpoint red dot scope has worked wonders for me.
  8. Duane

    Duane Well-Known Member

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    I've had them in the house before and they can be a pain.

    I ended up calling in pest control and they did a few things.

    1. They put in non-kill traps in the attic and outside to catch them.
    2. They then put in some sort of chemical repellant in the attack to get them not to go there.
    3. Pest Control closed up the holes they chewed into the home.
    4. One last round of non-lethal traps in the attic and outside.​

    Knock on wood but I haven't had any major squirrel issues in two years since they came in and fixed the problem.
  9. ShiningStar

    ShiningStar Well-Known Member

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    :bow: :lmao: :laugh2:
  10. burmafrd

    burmafrd Benched

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    Nuke Em Till They Glow
  11. NorthTexan95

    NorthTexan95 Well-Known Member

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    Nuke it from orbit ... only way to be sure.

    we've got a Beagle/Russell Terrier mixed dog and she has wiped out the family of rabbits living under our shed. She'd take out those squirrels ... if she could catch them.
  12. hipfake08

    hipfake08 Well-Known Member

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    Yes to step A.
    No to Step B.

    86 them. Many of them.

    Use the green wood to close the hole.
  13. Hopeuhavechange

    Hopeuhavechange New Member

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    Funny stuff. I should post this outside and make them die laughing.
  14. Hopeuhavechange

    Hopeuhavechange New Member

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    Now leaning this direction if a couple of new suggested tactics don't work first after the rain finally ends. Peppermint oil spray, then strobe lights at last. (I suspect I'll find them taking drugs and dancing up there but, still, will give it a go)

    Then I'll leave it to the professional assassins. Hey, they asked for it.
  15. JBond

    JBond Well-Known Member

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    But be careful. They fight back.

  16. Kangaroo

    Kangaroo Active Member

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    If you do it in the fall/winter you can eat the furry *******s too. They can be kind of tough so soak them in water for a couple days to soften them up.
  17. speedkilz88

    speedkilz88 Well-Known Member

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    Taste like kangaroo.
  18. StanleySpadowski

    StanleySpadowski Active Member

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    PM Brainpaint. A case of beer, charcoal for the grill and his kinfolk will show you how to party. Especially if they're them fat city fed squirrels.
  19. Hopeuhavechange

    Hopeuhavechange New Member

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    Skimmed that rather hastily-- thought you intimated that I should try grilling his kinfolk. *shuddder*
  20. jobberone

    jobberone Kane Ala Staff Member

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    Trap them. That's the easiest answer but you have to do the attic and maybe under the house. Cats work very well if it's the right cat(s). I have put an 8 foot python in my attic when it's not too hot or cold and that worked but make sure the snake is hungry or the squirrels may hurt it. Be prepared to look for it. For the record I didn't go out and buy it but already had a few 'lying' around. The traps are the best idea IMO.

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