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The Trial Of Drew Bledsoe

Discussion in 'Fan Zone' started by Grizz, Aug 30, 2005.

  1. Grizz

    Grizz Blogging The Boys

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    COURT CASE: The Fans of the Dallas Cowboys vs. Drew Bledsoe
    Trial held in the Court Of Public Opinion, Dallas, Texas.
    (transcript)

    Judge: Mr. Bledsoe you are charged with being an over-the-hill, has-been, never won the big one, need your coaching buddy to get a job, NFL quarterback. How do you plea?

    Bledsoe: Not guilty, your honor.

    Judge: Prosecution, please begin your arguments.

    Prosecution: Your honor, the Cowboys fans have suffered long enough at the quarterback position. We are entering our 5th season without the Golden Boy, Troy Aikman, and it hasn't been pretty. How is a franchise raised on Meredith, Staubach and Aikman supposed to stomach Carter, Hutchinson and Testaverde? This is cruel and unusual punishment.

    Now we are presented with Mr. Bledsoe. We will not deny in this courtroom that he's had some bright moments in his long career. But it's the "long" part of his career that concerns us. Mr. Bledsoe is 33 years old. If the NFL had a Seniors Tour like the PGA, then Mr. Bledsoe would be the model franchise quarterback. I'm not saying he's old judge, but we'd like our next franchise quarterback to not be eligible for Social Security checks.

    The Cowboys fans admire courage, we like a tough QB with guts, just ask our good friend Dandy Don. But there is a fine line between courage and stupidity. Mr. Bledsoe's sack totals the last three years of 54, 49 and 37 says it ain't courage we're talking about here. Your honor, would it be so hard for him to throw the ball before he gets clobbered?

    They say you can measure a man with a tape measure, but in Dallas, we prefer the QB Rating. Last year Mr. Bledsoe was 25th in the league with his QB Rating of 76.4. Heck judge, even Joey Harrington's was higher.

    In conclusion, let me tell you what we have here your honor. We have a QB who has never won the big one, who's getting long in the tooth, who has never met a sack he didn't like, and who could serve as his own statue outside of his high school in Walla Walla, WA., saving them the money of building one. And he will be doing all this behind an offensive line that has more questions than the contestants on Jeopardy. Your honor, do the right thing, find in the prosecutions favor, and force the Colts to trade us Peyton Manning. Thank you.

    Judge: The defense may proceed.

    Defense: Your honor, the prosecution has certainly entertained us with a fanciful tale of a quarterback in decline, one who never quite made it to the top, one who is old and immobile. There's only one problem your honor, Vinny Testaverde is not on trial here. Just in case the prosecution has forgotten, let me get some basic facts out of the way.

    Mr. Bledsoe is a four time Pro-Bowl QB. You may say that's in the distant past, but he was just over in Hawaii for the 2002 season. He has thrown for close to 40,000 yards in his career, that makes him # 10 in the entire history of the NFL. He has also thrown for 221 TD's. Numbers like that deserve respect, your honor.

    We all like statistics, but when we think about quarterbacks, we think about one thing. What kind of arm does he have? Your honor, there is nobody in this courtroom who can deny Mr. Bledsoe's arm. You want the deep out? He's got it. How about the skinny post? Got that one, too. He can make all the throws and we're not talking about a pop-gun, no sir, but a bonafide high-caliber cannon.

    Last year Mr. Bledsoe led his Buffalo team to an 8 and 2 record down the stretch. That's pretty good in any league. You might ask, "What about the first six games"? Well, Buffalo went 1 and 5 in those games. But they also didn't have a healthy Willis McGahee. You pair Mr. Bledsoe up with a quality RB and you get an 8-2 record. And I submit to this court that the Dallas Cowboys have a quality RB.

    Your honor, Drew Bledsoe deserves his chance to lead the Dallas Cowboys. He was throwing touchdowns in this league when Drew Henson was still throwing a Nerf football. You want durability and courage, 8 times he has played all 16 games in a season, including the last 3 in Buffalo. You've got a better chance of staying healthy in Chernobyl than you do behind Buffalo's line. Your honor, unless you want to take your chances with an undrafted free-agent or a washed out baseball player, you must rule in favor of my client. Thank you.

    Judge: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your time. The Court Of Public Opinion will render its verdict in the matter of The Dallas Cowboys Fans vs. Drew Bledsoe on January 1, 2006.
  2. vicjagger

    vicjagger Well-Known Member

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    Very creative and entertaining! Well done.
  3. LaTunaNostra

    LaTunaNostra He Made the Difference

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    Great stuff~!

    ...the Court of Public Opinion will indeed render its verdict, and Jan 1 date is a fair court date to set....

    ...of course, the Head Coach Judge will promptly overrule it. :)
  4. JackMagist

    JackMagist The Great Communicator

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    Does anyone think this case might be appealed to the Cowboys Supreme Court with the honorable Judge Jerry Jones presiding?

    I think that it might eventually but there will be a long appeals process in Judge Parcells court before it gets there.
  5. MichaelWinicki

    MichaelWinicki "You want some?" Staff Member

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    The chair! Giv'em the chair!

    :)
  6. Doomsday101

    Doomsday101 Well-Known Member

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    Hard to have a fair trial with so many members of the jury already voting guilty
  7. fortdick

    fortdick Well-Known Member

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    :lmao2:

    FREE DREW BLEDSOE!

    I loved the Chernobyl line!
  8. Waffle

    Waffle Not Just For Breakfast Anymore

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    I must say I enjoyed the court transcript!!
  9. MichaelWinicki

    MichaelWinicki "You want some?" Staff Member

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    You're picking on me again huh Doom! LOL!
  10. LeonDixson

    LeonDixson Illegitimi non carborundum

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    :lmao: Nice going Wini.

    Funny post, Grizz. I enjoyed it.:lmao2:
  11. Doomsday101

    Doomsday101 Well-Known Member

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    LOL, I knew that was coming. In all honesty we must have responded about the same time but yours came out before mine. I promise when I wrote that you had not responded to the thread. When I saw it I could not help but laugh because I knew you would think I was picking on you. Not the case buddy I swear!!!!LOL
  12. Waffle

    Waffle Not Just For Breakfast Anymore

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    He's just on Probation right now w/ me.

    If we were talking about a college team and a college QB, he'd be on "Double Secret Probation" instead.
  13. Doomsday101

    Doomsday101 Well-Known Member

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    LOL, fair enough. I just want to see how he fairs in Dallas. I have seen other players get their career kick started by something as simple as coming to another team. I do understand the doubts some have.
  14. TheHustler

    TheHustler Active Member

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    Great read. Well done.
  15. LaTunaNostra

    LaTunaNostra He Made the Difference

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    Ha ha!

    And we know which jury member would like to flick that switch himself. :D
  16. Grizz

    Grizz Blogging The Boys

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    Nice! A perfect postscript to the transcript. I'm cursing myself for not thinking of it.
  17. Cbz40

    Cbz40 The Grand Poobah

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    Great Post Grizz..
  18. Nasty Mcgahee

    Nasty Mcgahee New Member

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    Prosectution: Your honor Don't forget we get closing arguments.

    Judge: Go Ahead

    prosecution: Your honor the defense is playing games with you and testing your intelligence. They start with a joke, perhaps to get all of us to forget that Bledsoe's best days are behind him, some will say they never existed. The Defense takes Drew Bledsoe's ever present qualities and imply that they in fact belong to vinny Testeverde and not thier client, which is, FALSE! your honor.

    Your honor, the defense's past record has very little to do in this case but let me cite some of thier claims. First, Mr. Bledsoe did in fact go to the pro bowl in 2002, but did he deserve it, the prosecution says no. Take a look at his stats that season and you will see that: Other than the first 8 games, Mr. Bledsoe did not produce. After said 8 games his numbers were subpar. Your honor, please dont forget that in 2002 Drew Bledsoe had the best receiver tandem in the league at his disposal, again look at the stats and you will see that they were both on top of the stat sheets for receiveing yards. Did Mr. Bledsoe's probowl performance get his team to the post season? No.

    The defense has tried to use inflated numbers to make their argument. They have tried to impress you with his passing yards, but your honor, let me remind you that Yards mean nothing if you cant get in the endzone.

    We will not deny that Mr. Bledsoe has a cannon for an arm, but we will inform the court that you will see that he has little time to use his cannon. Mr. Bledsoe has the uncanny ability to make a decent Offensive line look bad. To show my point I invite you to look at the oline the year the defendant got injured. The defendants understudy, Tom Brady, stepped in and the O line looked new and improved. The patriots, who had a losing record the previous with Drew Bledsoe at the helm, suddenly made the playoffs with his absence.

    Your honor, the defense, would like you to believe that Mr. Bledsoe single handedly lead the Bills on a winning streak last season, this is simply untrue. First things first: Willis Mcgahee was in fact healthy all season, he just wasn't given the starting nod until week 4, Travis Henry started week 5, and Willis took it from the 6th week to the end of the season. This sparked the offense and helped Bledsoe tremendously. However Bledsoe did very little to win those last 8 games of the season. Those games were won by the defense and special teams, again Bledsoe had subpar numbers in all of those games, with the exception of Miami, which leads me to his inconsistency. Bledsoe is very inconsistent and Make decent O lines look bad, as I said before, Your honor The Cowboys O line is more suspect than the Bills line was last year. Drew Bledsoe will make this O line look horrible.

    Your honor Drew Bledsoe does not deserve to be in this league and WILL NOT, I repeat, WILL NOT, lead the cowboys to the post season as the running game will only carry him so far. Until teams start stacking 8 in the box and stuffing the run, forcing bledsoe to throw, only to blitz him and knock him down for some sacks, these will result in fumbles, and/or interceptions, both of which will do no good for the cowboys.

    Your honor, get this man out of the NFL.
  19. Grizz

    Grizz Blogging The Boys

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    Defense: Your honor, in light of the prosecutions new so-called facts, I am left with no option but to use the Chewbacca Defense.

    Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, the prosecution would certainly want you to believe that my client has no skills whatsoever. And they make a good case. Heck, I almost felt believed it myself!

    But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this is Chewbacca [IMG]

    Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!

    But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!

    Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending an NFL quarterback, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense!

    And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.

    If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

    (for more on the Chewbacca Defense, go here.)

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