Words of wisdom appreciated.

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by Tricked, Apr 30, 2012.

  1. Tricked

    Tricked Fascinated

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    Hey everyone.

    I've been a follower of the zone since it launched, just not an often poster. I admire many of the different inputs I see in articles and topics, so I figured I'd ask my fellow cowboy fans.

    Today I found out that I'm going to be a dad. It excites me and scares me at the same time.

    Any stories you all can share and advice would be greatly appreciated. In the end, I know that no ones prepared, but I want to be the best I can.
  2. trickblue

    trickblue Not Old School...Old Testament...

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    Set rules and abide by them RELIGIOUSLY... kids need structure...

    If kids know what is expected of them, they respond... NEVER let them negotiate or they start putting themselves on your level and taking advantage...

    Most important... be physical with your kids... tell them you love them EVERY day and hug them... there is NEVER shame in loving your parents/kids and showing affection... NEVER...
  3. SC Cowboyfan

    SC Cowboyfan Member

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    I have a 3 1/2 yr old daughter and a 1 1/2 yr old son. Words can't describe the feelings you will experience when you hold your child the first time!

    I felt the same way when I first found out I was going to be a dad. You'll learn as you go and things will work out!
  4. Hostile

    Hostile The Duke

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    You are about to learn a meaning of love that you never have even imagined. When that tiny baby is asleep on your chest with his/her little face turned towards you and you can smell the baby lotion and feel the tiny breaths on your cheek, it will hit you so hard. You'll wonder how people can ever hurt a child. Every new day is an adventure as they discover the world and you discover it with them. You teach them, but oh my goodness how they teach you so much more.

  5. Idgit

    Idgit That sounds really boring Staff Member

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    Don't let anybody put 'em in a corner.
  6. tupperware

    tupperware A Plastic Container

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    Very good advice, learned this the hard way.
  7. Yakuza Rich

    Yakuza Rich Well-Known Member

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    I'm not a parent, but my dad always said that he believed the key to being a parent is that you have to spend time, lots of time, with your children. Sounds simple, yet so many parents don't abide by it. My dad was a workaholic. His job required him to work from 8 to 4, but he would work from 6:30 to 5. Yet, he always insisted in finding a way to spend a lot of time with me and my sister.

    My dad used to coach my baseball teams despite how much he worked (he also got called in a lot since he worked for a power company). We used to have quite a few kids whose father wasn't around or their dad was working all of the time. My dad used to feel for this kids and we would stick around after baseball practice to help them get better. As I got older a lot of the kids I wound up becoming friends with and they would tell me to thank my dad for teaching them how to throw a baseball. Seems simple, but it really matters to people.

    So I think if you spend time with your kids, you'll probably be OK. It's not all there is to it, but it's a good start.

  8. big dog cowboy

    big dog cowboy THE BIG DOG Staff Member

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    Get all the sleep you can now.
  9. Faerluna

    Faerluna I'm Complicated

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    There will be times that are so incredibly frustrating that you feel like you are trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon. Don't worry, everyone goes through it. Everyone has times that they feel like they are a bad parent or think they could have handled something differently.

    There's no perfect way to be a parent. Don't obligate yourself to an unreachable standard. We're human, we are not always at our best.

    At the end of the day, just make sure your child knows you love them unconditionally.

    My best friend told me that first birthdays are more for the parents than the children. You can pat yourself on the back and say "Whew! We made it through a whole year!" :)
  10. vlad

    vlad Well-Known Member

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    Day 1 is the first day of expectation setting.

    "Pushing hard" isn't hard if its all they've ever known, its just normal...it just makes them better, happier and exposed to more opportunity. How hard working, successful, energetic will be factors of nurture imho. I'm seeing first hand in NYC how crazy competitive its going to be for that generation...its like 1000x as many people to eat the same 8 slices of pie.

    Don't blindly pump sunshine and give blue ribbons for everything, but teach them its okay to fail as long as you tried your hardest and got back up and went after it again and again. Don't let negativity be an influence on their outlook.

    Kick out the TV, its a mind-waste. Seriously lock it up except for events like Cowboys games or something. It really is a nasty habit, even with some quality programming out there.

    Get their read on! Always be reading!

    Get them doing stuff always, all the time (music, languageS, building stuff, figuring things out), not just sitting absorbing garbage.

    Expose them to the outdoors as much as possible...and animal life. Different topographies, climates, landscapes, etc.

    Expect too much of your kids, chances are they'll deliver.

    Don't coddle, don't be their "best friend" be their parent.

    Teach them to question authority if it something doesn't add up.

    Teach them humility, don't let them be bullies, racists, *****s...even when they are just starting out.

    Expose them to knowledge as a way of life...try to build the thirst for understanding into them.

    Teach them healthy eating habits...if you can go super low meat or even veggie, more power to you.

    All that stuff above is just my belief that more or less we all start out with the same amazing potential...and teaching someone that staying focused on topics for long times, always being active and not just sitting on the couch, watching TV....pumps up their brain. When they are young they can learn so much so fast...its just a great opportunity to help them be exceptional and get ahead in life. I see so many that want to coddle their kids like toys or "let them be children" as it that means anything other than their adult romantic notion of not having responsibility.

    Oh and finally, teach them that wearing their hat backwards may incur the unexpected wrath of about a dozen or so people that question their ability to lead others. ;)

    Best luck...congrats!
  11. Sam I Am

    Sam I Am Unfriendly and Aloof!

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    I can't stress these enough. My wife is terrible about the first two and it leads to her getting trampled when I'm not around. They get away with murder and won't raise a finger around the house until I walk through the door. (every time I go away on business or to see my family in Texas, the kids end up being grounded when I get home)

    When you make a rule, make a punishment that goes with it and do not deviate from it. If the rule is broken, the punishment should be enforced. If the punishment doesn't change the outcome, increase the punishment until it does.

    My kids have chores and they are to be done no matter what plans they have. If they cannot be around to do them, they must negotiate with their sibling to have them done. (I enforce fairness between them) If neither can do it, they negotiate with their mother or myself to get their duties taken care of.

    This type of structure is something they will use when they start working and providing for themselves. Teach them early, otherwise they will learn by trial and error. If they don't learn early, when they get canned at work they will depend on you to pay their bills! :laugh2:
  12. tupperware

    tupperware A Plastic Container

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    And be careful of going too far in the other direction. You have to have rules and you must enforce them, no questions asked. Do not debate. No means no, first time.

    But be sure to reward them when they do something well or do something that surprises you on their own. This proper balance teaches them the value of listening and working independently.
  13. Meat-O-Rama

    Meat-O-Rama Vegetarians are so stupid.

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    Lots of good stuff, but I agree with this in particular.

    Read to them early and often. Talk to them. Ask questions and help them get to the answer. Words stimulate like nothing else can.

    Limit TV (and now a days iPad) time from an early age. Get them used to activities that engage their body and mind.

    Lots of classic rock in the car. Once they start listening to that Radio Disney crap, you've lost them and control of the radio for ever. Classic rock teaches them to be good solid upstanding human beings. Radio Disney teaches them how to be communists.

    As they get older and you have to start dealing with behavior issues, set reasonable consequences and follow through with them.

    Lots of positive words and physical contact.

    Let them learn how to do things for themselves. They may be terrible at it the first 100 times, but it's how they learn to do it. Doing it for them is no help.

    Be Involved. It goes by too fast
  14. DFWJC

    DFWJC Well-Known Member

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    Well said!
  15. Faerluna

    Faerluna I'm Complicated

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    Really? Really......... :rolleyes:
  16. WoodysGirl

    WoodysGirl U.N.I.T.Y Staff Member

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    I don't have any kids, but I can't tell you how many first birthdays I've gone to where the parents have totally gone overboard. lol

    My little nephew turns one at the end of the month and my brother has scheduled a 3-day extravaganza that we must ALL attend. *blank stare*
  17. Faerluna

    Faerluna I'm Complicated

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    Our girl just had her first birthday party this year, turning 5 years old. She has never been old enough to appreciate the idea of a special party just for her or any of the other stuff, so I refused to waste the money on it.

    Those parties are parties for adults, not for the kids, which is fine, but just have a party without trying to play it off like it's the kid's big day or something.
  18. WoodysGirl

    WoodysGirl U.N.I.T.Y Staff Member

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    I understand a simple cake/ice cream to do thing... But a BBQ AND a pool party on two separate days for a one-year old is just ridiculous.

    But I will be there with bells on like the dutiful big sister I am. Plus I haven't seen my nephew since Oct. It's time to pinch his cheeks. :)
  19. Meat-O-Rama

    Meat-O-Rama Vegetarians are so stupid.

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    It's called humor.
  20. Faerluna

    Faerluna I'm Complicated

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    So is SNL.

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