Having a girl best friend

Nova · Apr 19, 2015

Also, no alcohol.

Idgit · Apr 19, 2015

Show her, don't tell her.

And never decide for a lady that she's out of your league. Let her do that herself if she wants to. Leagues don't exist, anyway. Plus, from your story, it's obvious you're way past that stage. Congrats. Don't be a ninny and mess up any easy win.

LittleBoyBlue · Apr 19, 2015

Ntegrase96 said:
The way I see it, you don't have much to lose. You haven't really had a relationship with her in 3 years which means she really isn't that essential to your life now.

Sure you may have been best friends once before, and maybe you still feel really close to each other, but you did fine without her for a long time and you would do fine without her if your advance makes things awkward.

Besides, you were always attracted to her-- did you ever really want to be just friends? The way you talk about her; the excitement you type with now seems to indicate that romance was always what you really wanted.

So it seems your biggest fear here is really just rejection... And for good reason. This opportunity has culminated over years, and this rejection would sting more than the usual kind. She's not just some girl . You have invested a lot of time, energy, and emotion into her.

But if you don't make a move, what's the point? Friendship really isn't enough for you and continuing said friendship would effectively be a prison sentence. Nothing would go forward and you would slowly see her gravitate toward someone else, grow away from you, and live the life you maybe could have had with her.

You don't want that. I know you don't want that. So suck it up, bite the bullet, and strike when the iron is hot. (Which is right now, if that wasn't clear). The timing right now is better than it will probably ever be. The more you wait, the more you settle back into the friendzone and the harder the leap becomes.

"What could have been... Is better than.... What could never be at all"

Fletch · Apr 19, 2015

blumayne38 said:
Ive had a friend now for about 12-13 years now...we met in high school sophmore year....ive always been attracted to her she is a beautiful woman and im well meehh..Well in between all of that i met another woman eventually and we ended up having 2 beautiful children..and because of her jealousy me and my best friend somewhat drifted away and spoke rarely if not at all for about 3-4 years. Well me and my girlfriend are now split up. Its been about 3 months. Now that we are over i have been going out a bit more often, and i recently ran into her at a bar, mind that we have always been a little more close then most best friends imo weve kissed, held hands, cuddled things of that nature but never have "hit the homerun" lol per say...and i dont mind at all. Back to the story we recently bumped into eachother and she was a bit more touchy feely then i can remember, saying things like "i missed you alot" and "i love you"...and quite honestly i felt the exact same way, which to me was a dream come true..anyways i ended up going to a friends for after hours drinks and well i text her "it was nice seeing you again i really missed you" and to my suprise she ended up calling me and inviting me over to her place. I immediately dropped my plans and said i would be rite over, so i took the drive and when i got there i was greeted with a hug and an immediate kiss we layed together and i may have went a little farther then i normally would have years ago...which by the way was awsome ..but still no "homerun". We were both a little intoxicated which by the way seems to be the only way we ever seem to connect romantically. We all know the saying "the truth comes out when your drunk". But anways back to my story and almost to my point, this time it seemed diffrent i felt something else something i havent felt in a long time essentially LOVE i felt like is was brand new...and from what she said she agreed. Okay now to my point...its been about a week since the day and either of us have had the courage to talk about it sober..which seems all to familiar.Now my question to all my cowboy buddies since this is the only forum i post on....should i bite the bullet and approach her and maybe be rejected and ruin any comfort she has with me as a friend OR should i bite my tounge and just continue this long term friendship???....help!

You tell her how you feel. If you guys are truly close friends, then whatever is said between the two of you, that friendship will always remain.

Szczepanik · Apr 20, 2015

Pop a cialis or a viagra since you seem low on esteem.

Perform like a God.

She will like you afterwards.

Paypal me a large sum of money once this proves to be successful.

Tabascocat · Apr 20, 2015

jnday · Apr 20, 2015

Friends with benefits. If you really respect and care about this woman, it is time for a honest talk. The relationship you two share sounds like it could get serious.

BAZ · Apr 20, 2015

People will tell you no alcohol, but alow me to take a different apprapproach, smash loads of shots, then each other, leave friendzone, die happy. The end.

Stryker44 · Apr 20, 2015

Talk to her about other women you're possibly interested in - if she likes you, there will be some disdain and criticism apparent.

One thing I've found is that there is a bit of a thrill of a chase in both men and women, if one party seems overeager for a relationship, it pushes things back into friend zone territory for the party that is less interested in having a relationship.

If she doesn't consider you relationship material at all, which seems unlikely from what you've mentioned, she will say "oh I'm so happy for you!"

Have this discussion while you are both sober to get any kind of honest response and answer.

WV Cowboy · Apr 20, 2015

Sorry, but I think you need to grow up and stop acting like some high schooler.
You've been playing house, acting like a big boy, .. and now you have two children that need your very best.
They have to be your top priority.

Stop dreaming about some old high school crush, man up, and do the right thing.

If it is meant to be it will work out.

You also have to ask yourself what she has been doing while you have been playing house those 3-4 years.
Has she been intimate with other men?
If she has been, but won't with you, .. it's not happening anyway.

Put your focus on your children. They need Dad.

LittleBoyBlue · Apr 21, 2015

Stryker44 said:
Talk to her about other women you're possibly interested in - if she likes you, there will be some disdain and criticism apparent.

If she doesn't consider you relationship material at all, which seems unlikely from what you've mentioned, she will say "oh I'm so happy for you!"

That will only muddy the waters MORE...

ABQCOWBOY · Apr 21, 2015

My advice, and you aren't really asking but........

Don't post these kinds of things on message boards. Find your closest, most trusted friends or relatives and get advice. Those people have a vested interest in you. Good luck!

Joe Realist · Apr 21, 2015

I think we need a Dating and Relationships section in the Zone!!

Tabascocat · Apr 21, 2015

Joe Realist said:
I think we need a Dating and Relationships section in the Zone!!

And a political forum that is password protected for those who only share my viewpoints

Manwiththeplan · Apr 21, 2015

blumayne38 said:
Okay now to my point...its been about a week since the day and either of us have had the courage to talk about it sober..which seems all to familiar.Now my question to all my cowboy buddies since this is the only forum i post on....should i bite the bullet and approach her and maybe be rejected and ruin any comfort she has with me as a friend OR should i bite my tounge and just continue this long term friendship???....help!

let too much time pass and she will mentally move on either because she feels you aren't interested or for what ever reason too afraid. keep in mind you already distanced your self from her once, based on that I think you can afford to make the first sober move and risk rejection.

Manwiththeplan · Apr 21, 2015

CyberB0b said:
I didn't read the OP, because it was too many words. Bang her.

lmao

Manwiththeplan · Apr 21, 2015

Idgit said:
Show her, don't tell her.

And never decide for a lady that she's out of your league. Let her do that herself if she wants to. Leagues don't exist, anyway. Plus, from your story, it's obvious you're way past that stage. Congrats. Don't be a ninny and mess up any easy win.

Are you telling him he needs to.....put his cards on the table

Manwiththeplan · Apr 21, 2015

Stryker44 said:
Talk to her about other women you're possibly interested in - if she likes you, there will be some disdain and criticism apparent.

One thing I've found is that there is a bit of a thrill of a chase in both men and women, if one party seems overeager for a relationship, it pushes things back into friend zone territory for the party that is less interested in having a relationship.

Yea, based on anything he has said, what makes you think this would work for him? Not every guy can pull this (and it certainly doesn't work on every girl) and pretending to be that guy would make his situation worse.

Idgit · Apr 21, 2015

Manwiththeplan said:
Yea, based on anything he has said, what makes you think this would work for him? Not every guy can pull this (and it certainly doesn't work on every girl) and pretending to be that guy would make his situation worse.

No guy should pull this. Just be a man, treat the lady with respect. If you want to kiss her, kiss her. If she tells you not to, listen to her. Game playing and trying to make people jealous is for people who don't think they can pull without faking it. If you know you're worth being with, she'll pick up on that, right? If you're worth being with, and she doesn't want to be with you anyway, better you know up front so you can find somebody who does.

And WV Cowboy, while I agree completely with you that the kids need to come first and that being a father is more important than the romantic relationship, asking for relationship advice doesn't mean the guy isn't also a good dad. As a gentle reminder, though, you're on point.

Doomsday101 · Apr 21, 2015

Live life without regrets, only way you know is by letting her know how you feel about her. If you don't you will always ask yourself "what if".

Having a girl best friend

Ntegrase96

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No Kool-Aid here!

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