Having a girl best friend

Hot chicks with smarts can be a handful. The world is their oyster. Can you trust her? Would she stay faithful with you when life kicks in, you know, when the cuteness and fun part of dating wears off?

Can you keep her interested?

If yes to the above, go for it. If she says no, your friendship will probably crumble though. Maybe not. Hurt feelings have a way of destroying good things.

WV Cowboy said:

Sorry, but I think you need to grow up and stop acting like some high schooler.
You've been playing house, acting like a big boy, .. and now you have two children that need your very best.
They have to be your top priority.

Stop dreaming about some old high school crush, man up, and do the right thing.

If it is meant to be it will work out.

You also have to ask yourself what she has been doing while you have been playing house those 3-4 years.
Has she been intimate with other men?
If she has been, but won't with you, .. it's not happening anyway.

Put your focus on your children. They need Dad.

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I am a great dad...but not a dead one..mu heart still beats for romance thank you though

I confessed my love for her yesterday and told her how i felt she said she felt the same way..and now we are set to have a date..its now my job to keep it that way

blumayne38 said:

I confessed my love for her yesterday and told her how i felt she said she felt the same way..and now we are set to have a date..its now my job to keep it that way

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Good for you and good luck!

blumayne38 said:

I confessed my love for her yesterday and told her how i felt she said she felt the same way..and now we are set to have a date..its now my job to keep it that way

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You the man! I truly hope it all works out for the both of you. God bless!

blumayne38 said:

I am a great dad...but not a dead one..mu heart still beats for romance thank you though

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Good to hear, good for you, .. will this high school sweetheart love your kids too?

Idgit said:

And WV Cowboy, while I agree completely with you that the kids need to come first and that being a father is more important than the romantic relationship, asking for relationship advice doesn't mean the guy isn't also a good dad. As a gentle reminder, though, you're on point.

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Yea, .. his whole OP just rubbed me the wrong way I guess.

Not my rock to carry though.

blumayne38 said:

I confessed my love for her yesterday and told her how i felt she said she felt the same way..and now we are set to have a date..its now my job to keep it that way

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Feel like a new man now?

REDVOLUTION said:

Feel like a new man now?

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Alot of the things i have said and done these past few days i would not have said without some of the great insight and advice i got from here. It feels good either way however this turns out because i spoke from the heart. My feelings and intentions are no longer suppressed the secrect is out! And i feel no stone was left unturned thanks again to anyone who cared enough to take the time and read my long OP and respond

WV Cowboy said:

Good to hear, good for you, .. will this high school sweetheart love your kids too?

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WV Cowboy said:

Yea, .. his whole OP just rubbed me the wrong way I guess.

Not my rock to carry though.

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To be honest, while you made good points, your responses rubbed me the wrong way. I just went back and read your other post, too. How do you know he was playing house? If he was with a person long enough to live together and have children, then they weren't playing. And really, how dare you question whether this lady will love his kids or not? Goodness, that sounds so judgemental. The nose your seemingly holding up so high in regards to this man's feelings just grates my gears.

You've been very fortunate to be married for a very long time and I can appreciate and truly applaud the way you love and cherish your wife and family, but others are not so fortunate. No matter how hard you try, sometimes relationships don't work.

His response to you was alot more classy than I think I would've responded. Clearly.

Either way, I'm backing out of the thread. Again, good luck to you, blu.

WoodysGirl said:

How do you know he was playing house? If he was with a person long enough to live together and have children, then they weren't playing.

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In my way of looking at this, if you move in with a girl and not get married, you are playing house. Living together is .. one foot in the door, one foot out. One foot in the relationship, one foot out. There is no commitment there. He stuck around and played house long enough to get her pregnant twice and now, after 3 or 4 years, the road got rough, and so they split.

It hasn't been that long ago that they loved each other, perhaps they should try a little harder, try a little longer to give their kids both Mom and Dad in the home.

He felt no commitment, time to move on, ... "Hey, maybe that girl that I had he hots for in high school might like me now."

And really, how dare you question whether this lady will love his kids or not? Goodness, that sounds so judgemental. The nose your seemingly holding up so high in regards to this man's feelings just grates my gears.

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I wasn't judging, I was asking a question.
If I had stated what I thought she might do, and then gave an opinion on what I thought she might do, that would be judging.

I was simply asking a question, .. a VERY VALID question. A question that needs to be asked!, RIGHT NOW, before this goes any farther. A question that he BETTER ask himself, .. and probably BETTER ask her as well. Her answer should be HUGE to him. That question needs addressed.

You've been very fortunate to be married for a very long time and I can appreciate and truly applaud the way you love and cherish your wife and family, but others are not so fortunate. No matter how hard you try, sometimes relationships don't work.

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I take a little offense to saying ... we have been "fortunate". But I know what you meant, so I take it as a compliment.
We have both worked extremely hard to make this relationship what it has turned out to be. We certainly didn't call it quits after 3 years when it did get a little tough. That's because we had made a commitment, .. we made a covenant with each other, in front of family, friends, and God to stay together no matter what happened. We were married, and took vows to stay married.

Listen, he asked for our advice, .. even finished his post with "help".

So I gave my thoughts and advice on his situation, he does not have to like it.

I don't like guys that get girls pregnant, don't marry them, and then leave.
I have always felt that the very best thing a Dad can do for his children, .. is love their mother.

WV Cowboy said:

In my way of looking at this, if you move in with a girl and not get married, you are playing house. Living together is .. one foot in the door, one foot out. One foot in the relationship, one foot out. There is no commitment there. He stuck around and played house long enough to get her pregnant twice and now, after 3 or 4 years, the road got rough, and so they split.

It hasn't been that long ago that they loved each other, perhaps they should try a little harder, try a little longer to give their kids both Mom and Dad in the home.

He felt no commitment, time to move on, ... "Hey, maybe that girl that I had he hots for in high school might like me now."



I wasn't judging, I was asking a question.
If I had stated what I thought she might do, and then gave an opinion on what I thought she might do, that would be judging.

I was simply asking a question, .. a VERY VALID question. A question that needs to be asked!, RIGHT NOW, before this goes any farther. A question that he BETTER ask himself, .. and probably BETTER ask her as well. Her answer should be HUGE to him. That question needs addressed.



I take a little offense to saying ... we have been "fortunate". But I know what you meant, so I take it as a compliment.
We have both worked extremely hard to make this relationship what it has turned out to be. We certainly didn't call it quits after 3 years when it did get a little tough. That's because we had made a commitment, .. we made a covenant with each other, in front of family, friends, and God to stay together no matter what happened. We were married, and took vows to stay married.

Listen, he asked for our advice, .. even finished his post with "help".

So I gave my thoughts and advice on his situation, he does not have to like it.

I don't like guys that get girls pregnant, don't marry them, and then leave.
I have always felt that the very best thing a Dad can do for his children, .. is love their mother.

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At the end of the day you should have stayed on topic.

Just because YOU felt the question needed to asked. Doesn't mean he was looking to go there.

He was looking for specific advice.,

REDVOLUTION said:

At the end of the day you should have stayed on topic.

Just because YOU felt the question needed to asked. Doesn't mean he was looking to go there.

He was looking for specific advice.,

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At the end of the day, I have given him the best advice that he has gotten in this thread.

Like I said, he may not like it, .. nor follow it.

WV Cowboy said:

At the end of the day, I have given him the best advice that he has gotten in this thread.

Like I said, he may not like it, .. nor follow it.

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"Best advice" .... In your opinion only. I assure you.



"He may not like it"?

You gave advice in a judgmental way? Shame shame

WV Cowboy said:

At the end of the day, I have given him the best advice that he has gotten in this thread.

Like I said, he may not like it, .. nor follow it.

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Everybody's obviously going to believe their own advice is good. Personally, I'm surprised he wasn't more offended than he let on by the way you approached some fairly significant assumptions you made about his life.

I lived with my wife of 18 years for almost three years before we committed to marriage. This worked for us because we were sufficiently committed for a loving relationship where we happened to co-habitate before we were equally certain we were sufficiently committed for the much more significant commitment of marriage. Had I not been willing to relocate to live together, I'd never have found out what an amazing mother and wife I'd been lucky enough to find in my college girlfriend.

Not everybody brings the same morality into a relationship, and not everybody's moral code is going to work for somebody else. No matter what, though, assuming a guy isn't a sufficiently attentive father from what little he told you in his original post was a mistake on your part. Your suspicions aside, you just don't have enough data available here to condescend to the him what kind of a father he ought to be. Of course, this is just my opinion, and you obviously have yours.

I have reread the OP several times. I feel the same way.

If me advising him to focus on his children was a bad thing then I guess I'll have to live with that guilt.

I would tell my own son the same thing.

WV Cowboy said:

I have reread the OP several times. I feel the same way.

If me advising him to focus on his children was a bad thing then I guess I'll have to live with that guilt.

I would tell my own son the same thing.

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You assuming he wasn't focussing sufficiently on his children in a thread that was not about his children is what I think people are commenting on, if that helps any. He might be the best father in the world, for all you know. Or he might be a truly awful father who was asking for relationship advice rather than parenting advice. We just don't the info to say, one way or another.

QFT - idgit


And at the end of the day.... It all went great!

Congrats!

IMHO from the sounds of all that's going on and the history, words will get in the way, and CONFIDENT actions speak louder.

Just go have fun together and when the time is right make a move - everything else will work itself out the way it should. Then you'll know one way or the other. Good luck!

Who wants tacos?