Having a girl best friend

Kevinicus · Apr 22, 2015

WV Cowboy said:
In my way of looking at this, if you move in with a girl and not get married, you are playing house. Living together is .. one foot in the door, one foot out. One foot in the relationship, one foot out. There is no commitment there. He stuck around and played house long enough to get her pregnant twice and now, after 3 or 4 years, the road got rough, and so they split.

It hasn't been that long ago that they loved each other, perhaps they should try a little harder, try a little longer to give their kids both Mom and Dad in the home.

He felt no commitment, time to move on, ... "Hey, maybe that girl that I had he hots for in high school might like me now."

I wasn't judging, I was asking a question.
If I had stated what I thought she might do, and then gave an opinion on what I thought she might do, that would be judging.

I was simply asking a question, .. a VERY VALID question. A question that needs to be asked!, RIGHT NOW, before this goes any farther. A question that he BETTER ask himself, .. and probably BETTER ask her as well. Her answer should be HUGE to him. That question needs addressed.

I take a little offense to saying ... we have been "fortunate". But I know what you meant, so I take it as a compliment.
We have both worked extremely hard to make this relationship what it has turned out to be. We certainly didn't call it quits after 3 years when it did get a little tough. That's because we had made a commitment, .. we made a covenant with each other, in front of family, friends, and God to stay together no matter what happened. We were married, and took vows to stay married.

Listen, he asked for our advice, .. even finished his post with "help".

So I gave my thoughts and advice on his situation, he does not have to like it.

I don't like guys that get girls pregnant, don't marry them, and then leave.
I have always felt that the very best thing a Dad can do for his children, .. is love their mother.

I would say marrying someone strictly because you had a kid with them is the worst thing to do...for the kids.

65fastback2plus2 · Apr 22, 2015

WV Cowboy said:
In my way of looking at this, if you move in with a girl and not get married, you are playing house. Living together is .. one foot in the door, one foot out. One foot in the relationship, one foot out. There is no commitment there. He stuck around and played house long enough to get her pregnant twice and now, after 3 or 4 years, the road got rough, and so they split.

It hasn't been that long ago that they loved each other, perhaps they should try a little harder, try a little longer to give their kids both Mom and Dad in the home.

He felt no commitment, time to move on, ... "Hey, maybe that girl that I had he hots for in high school might like me now."

I wasn't judging, I was asking a question.
If I had stated what I thought she might do, and then gave an opinion on what I thought she might do, that would be judging.

I was simply asking a question, .. a VERY VALID question. A question that needs to be asked!, RIGHT NOW, before this goes any farther. A question that he BETTER ask himself, .. and probably BETTER ask her as well. Her answer should be HUGE to him. That question needs addressed.

I take a little offense to saying ... we have been "fortunate". But I know what you meant, so I take it as a compliment.
We have both worked extremely hard to make this relationship what it has turned out to be. We certainly didn't call it quits after 3 years when it did get a little tough. That's because we had made a commitment, .. we made a covenant with each other, in front of family, friends, and God to stay together no matter what happened. We were married, and took vows to stay married.

Listen, he asked for our advice, .. even finished his post with "help".

So I gave my thoughts and advice on his situation, he does not have to like it.

I don't like guys that get girls pregnant, don't marry them, and then leave.
I have always felt that the very best thing a Dad can do for his children, .. is love their mother.

http://i1096.***BLOCKED***/albums/g322/Sugarsandrainbows/GIFs/e6u4ok.gif

good job for asking the tough questions and trying to get people to think.

too often people run around with lust in their eyes for what they want right now and dont think it all the way through.

All I learned from the OP is he has 2 kids with a girlfriend, just recently broke up, and is now trying to get with some hottie from back in high school, because...wait for it...shes hot. I dont think I read anything else about her. Infatuation that has no direction and roots never becomes love.

Idgit · Apr 23, 2015

65fastback2plus2 said:
http://i1096.***BLOCKED***/albums/g322/Sugarsandrainbows/GIFs/e6u4ok.gif

good job for asking the tough questions and trying to get people to think.

too often people run around with lust in their eyes for what they want right now and dont think it all the way through.

All I learned from the OP is he has 2 kids with a girlfriend, just recently broke up, and is now trying to get with some hottie from back in high school, because...wait for it...shes hot. I dont think I read anything else about her. Infatuation that has no direction and roots never becomes love.

Infatuation often becomes love, actually.

And you didn't read the original post carefully if all you took from it was that the girl is hot. He referred to her as his 'best friend' more than once. It's even in the title of the thread.

BoysFan4ever · Apr 23, 2015

I'm kind of surprised anybody would talk about this on a message board.

seems like it's maybe too personal to discuss with people you don't even know!

JBS · Apr 23, 2015

Wv cowboy is absolutely right..

I'm not going to get more involved in this argument than that...

Great advice WV

LittleBoyBlue · Apr 23, 2015

Way to hi jack a thread.

People are so damn inconsiderate. It's always got to be about them.

Geez...

/close thread before this gets ugly.

WoodysGirl · Apr 23, 2015

BoysFan4ever said:
I'm kind of surprised anybody would talk about this on a message board.

seems like it's maybe too personal to discuss with people you don't even know!

Hey, maybe folks thinks it's better to discuss on a MB due to the anonymity of it all.

WoodysGirl · Apr 23, 2015

REDVOLUTION said:
Way to hi jack a thread.

People are so damn inconsiderate. It's always got to be about them.

Geez...

/close thread before this gets ugly.

Nah, I think it's ok to stay open. The OP is okay with how things flowed.

It doesn't have to get ugly. You have to know when to dip on certain topics. There is no middle ground, nor understanding, when it comes to people's values and whatnot, people will hold onto what they believe and I don't see a problem with that. However, I don't think it's worth going any further with the back/forth just because I was pretty sure what the response would be.

BoysFan4ever · Apr 23, 2015

WoodysGirl said:
Hey, maybe folks thinks it's better to discuss on a MB due to the anonymity of it all.

Yea I'm sure you're right. I wouldn't but to each his own

65fastback2plus2 · Apr 23, 2015

Idgit said:
Infatuation often becomes love, actually.

And you didn't read the original post carefully if all you took from it was that the girl is hot. He referred to her as his 'best friend' more than once. It's even in the title of the thread.

it was the equivalent of me calling you my best friend because we've quoted and liked each others posts before. now, he could just be the worst writer in the world...but I would never say about my best friend "shes hot, im not...we never really fooled around"....it would be about how kind she is, how she volunteers to help children, how she was a very giving person and never could tell a child no, and how she is beautiful from the inside out and how she is just a class above all other girls and I never felt that I deserved her love....or something along those lines.

i wouldnt say infatuation often becomes love...infatuation is shallow. the basis of love is much stronger. now, infatuation might convince you to talk to a chick...but it isnt the foundation of love..

65fastback2plus2 · Apr 23, 2015

REDVOLUTION said:
Way to hi jack a thread.

People are so damn inconsiderate. It's always got to be about them.

Geez...

/close thread before this gets ugly.

not really...someone asks for advice and they're getting advice.

The only difference is perspective.

We've got all the way from "bang her" to "shouldnt you see if maybe you cant work things out with the mother of your kids"....both are advice and neither are "always about them"...well, technically "bang her" is...because it doesnt consider the other person.

LittleBoyBlue · Apr 23, 2015

65fastback2plus2 said:
not really...someone asks for advice and they're getting advice.

The only difference is perspective.

We've got all the way from "bang her" to "shouldnt you see if maybe you cant work things out with the mother of your kids"....both are advice and neither are "always about them"...well, technically "bang her" is...because it doesnt consider the other person.

X

65fastback2plus2 · Apr 23, 2015

REDVOLUTION said:
X

O

WV Cowboy · Apr 23, 2015

ChldsPlay said:
I would say marrying someone strictly because you had a kid with them is the worst thing to do...for the kids.

LOL, .. you missed the entire point.

No, the worst thing for the kids is bringing them into the world in the first place without strong intentions or commitment to stay with their mother.

I know it does not always work, but that should be the intention if you are bringing children into the world. People give up on that way too easy.

Get married, and THEN have children.

Nothing wrong with meeting, fall in love, get married, enjoy each other for a year or so or whatever you choose, .. and then have children together, Mom and Dad raising the child together, and living together as a family.

Not shack up, knock up, pack up ... and leave.

You can tell that this has obviously hit a nerve with me. The family unit is deteriorating, and the kids get the short end of the stick.

Stryker44 · Apr 23, 2015

WV Cowboy said:
LOL, .. you missed the entire point.

No, the worst thing for the kids is bringing them into the world in the first place without strong intentions or commitment to stay with their mother.

I know it does not always work, but that should be the intention if you are bringing children into the world. People give up on that way too easy.

Get married, and THEN have children.

Nothing wrong with meeting, fall in love, get married, enjoy each other for a year or so or whatever you choose, .. and then have children together, Mom and Dad raising the child together, and living together as a family.

Not shack up, knock up, pack up ... and leave.

You can tell that this has obviously hit a nerve with me. The family unit is deteriorating, and the kids get the short end of the stick.

Do you think values, and public morality, should be taught at school?

Idgit · Apr 23, 2015

65fastback2plus2 said:
it was the equivalent of me calling you my best friend because we've quoted and liked each others posts before. now, he could just be the worst writer in the world...but I would never say about my best friend "shes hot, im not...we never really fooled around"....it would be about how kind she is, how she volunteers to help children, how she was a very giving person and never could tell a child no, and how she is beautiful from the inside out and how she is just a class above all other girls and I never felt that I deserved her love....or something along those lines.

i wouldnt say infatuation often becomes love...infatuation is shallow. the basis of love is much stronger. now, infatuation might convince you to talk to a chick...but it isnt the foundation of love..

I'd say you're reading a ton of stuff into his question that isn't necessrily there. He says she's his best friend. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt that there's a solid basis for his friendship.

And infatuation isn't the foundation of love. I didn't say it was. But it can be the impetus for two people learning about each other, which can become that foundation.

In any event, this was not a thread about somebody asking for parenting advice. It was a thread asking for some relationship advice. It's condescending to assume the guy needs guidance for being a dad, whether that topic hits anybody's nerve or not. It'd be like me telling him to get a haircut and to tuck in his shirt and to wash his face. I have no idea whether he needs that guidance or not. He didn't ask for it, and it's sort of obnoxious for me to offer it unrelated to the topic. No matter how strongly I may feel personal hygiene is important in the grand scheme of things.

BrAinPaiNt · Apr 23, 2015

Before people even start to think about posting it...do NOT turn this into a Religious or Political thread even if you want to try and hide it under other words.

WV Cowboy · Apr 23, 2015

Stryker44 said:
Do you think values, and public morality, should be taught at school?

LOL! You have asked the wrong guy! Are you trying to get me banned? LOL

My answer would be yes, .. it may be the only place some kids would hear about such things.

Stryker44 · Apr 23, 2015

WV Cowboy said:
LOL! You have asked the wrong guy! Are you trying to get me banned? LOL

My answer would be yes, .. it may be the only place some kids would hear about such things.

No no no haha. I just see alot of kids who have no kind of family structure whatsoever and have often wondered the pros and cons of such a thing.

In the end though, kids can be taught anything about such things, but if its not reinforced at home, forget about it - UNLESS the kid is strong enough to block out their parents and march to their own beat and are internally driven to do so...but that is very rare. Perhaps its worthwhile, just for those rare exceptions with whom a difference can be made.

Don't want to hijack the main topic anymore but was curious what you thought.

65fastback2plus2 · Apr 23, 2015

Idgit said:
I'd say you're reading a ton of stuff into his question that isn't necessrily there. He says she's his best friend. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt that there's a solid basis for his friendship.

And infatuation isn't the foundation of love. I didn't say it was. But it can be the impetus for two people learning about each other, which can become that foundation.

In any event, this was not a thread about somebody asking for parenting advice. It was a thread asking for some relationship advice. It's condescending to assume the guy needs guidance for being a dad, whether that topic hits anybody's nerve or not. It'd be like me telling him to get a haircut and to tuck in his shirt and to wash his face. I have no idea whether he needs that guidance or not. He didn't ask for it, and it's sort of obnoxious for me to offer it unrelated to the topic. No matter how strongly I may feel personal hygiene is important in the grand scheme of things.

that person stated that under the guise of trying to get back with the kids mother...which is the relationship advice. It wasnt just "shouldnt you think about your kids?"....it was "shouldnt you think about your kids and consider getting back in a relationship with their mom?"

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