Terrible Kellen Moore jokes

northerncowboynation

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With all these Kellen Moore posts about him being the savior and all I figured it be a good time to break out the funnies.

When Kellen Moore does pushups he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

I call him Mooreo
 

sunalsorises

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There is a hole in the roof of AT&T stadium so that Jason Witten can watch God.
 

sunalsorises

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When Kellen Moore asks Jason Witten how many push ups he can do Jason Witten replies, “all of them.”
 

RustyBourneHorse

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Kellen Moore walks into a bar with a clown.
Bartender says, "What can I get for you, Garrett?"

win11.png
 

RustyBourneHorse

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When Shooter McGavin said that the hole he was playing was impossible, he was told that Kellen Moore had gotten a hold in one.
 

dsturgeon

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Kellen Moore went to The Virgin Islands. They are now knows as The Islands.
 

Londonboy

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Kellen Moore loves anagrams.
When dining out, He always starts with Melon or Leek.
 

Sage3030

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When Kellen Moore goes swimming, he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Kellen Moore’d.
 

Floatyworm

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Kellen Moore walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
Moore says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."
The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
Moore says, "I have a clown for a boss."

That joke is funny...I don't care who you are. :laugh:
 

Floatyworm

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Kellen Moore walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".

The waiter says, "Sure, coming right up". He gets the Kellen a tall mug of coffee, and then Kellen drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the Kellen returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"

Kellen smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the schit, and disappear for the rest of the day."
 

Floatyworm

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Kellen Moore's plan to KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

-Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

-Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does.

-Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".

-Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom drawing up plays."

-Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye".

- "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

-Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

-Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

-When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".

-Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

-Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

-Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

-While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

-tap onhis glass eyeoccasionally with his pen while talking to others.

-When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."

-Say to Jason Garrett, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.

-Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".

-Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think?".

-Practice making fake whistle noises.

-Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

-Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

-Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

-Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.

-Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

-Staple playbnooks in the middle of the page.

-Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make an adjustment inside the redzone.

-TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.

-type only in lowercase.

-dont use any punctuation either

-Repeat the following conversation a few times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

-As much as possible, skip rather than walk during practice.

-When practice is nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

-Ask people what gender they are.

-While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet or Jason Garrett and clap.

-Sit in the Star parking lot at lunch time .....pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

-Ask co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

-Try some of the following exercises... not only will it make meetings more interesting but your fellow teammates will become suddenly more alert and maintain a respectful distance. By following these simple guidelines during important meetings, you too can be an unmitigated success:

Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper: 'can you feel it?' from the corner of your mouth.

Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the person next to you for their approval.

When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute one biscuit to each of the attendees, then systematically smash each one with your fist in front of them.

Chew tobacco.

Wear a hands free phone headset throughout once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such as: 'I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!'

Write the words 'he fancies you' on your pad and show it to the person next to you while indicating with your pen.

Respond to a serious question with: 'I don't know what to say, obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast'.

Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' & Charlie don't surf'.

Reconstruct the meeting in front of him using action figures and when anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly.

Shave one of his forearms.

Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting on it, when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover his mouth and gasp.

Turn his back on the meeting and sit facing the window with his legs stretched out. Announce that he 'loves this dirty town'.

Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him for 1 minute.

Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking a seat.

Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off his watch face.

Gargle with water.

Gradually push himself closer and closer to the door out of the meeting room.

Hum throughout.

Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively.

Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that white out your eyes.

Drop meaningless & confusing management speak into conversations such as:' what's the margin, Stephen?" When's this turkey going to get basted?" If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up looking like doe-eyed labradors'

Produce a grenade from his pocket and suggest throwing it to one another as a means of idea-exchange.

Use a large hunting knife to point at visual aids.
 

Zekeats

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I love how one of the mods on here decided to change my title to the thread and add the word terrible to it. They preach for others not to be insensitive and stuff but then instead of just adding the joke/humor they had to add the word terrible for no reason at all.
 

Londonboy

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I love how one of the mods on here decided to change my title to the thread and add the word terrible to it. They preach for others not to be insensitive and stuff but then instead of just adding the joke/humor they had to add the word terrible for no reason at all.
Foreknowledge?
 
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