Vegas_Cowboy
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 5,151
- Reaction score
- 7,344
I'm looking up Henny Youngman jokes right now. "King of the one liners." Here's few to enjoy, if you wish.
"A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy!" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" The doctor says, "Okay, you're ugly too."
"Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy." The man says, "I want a second opinion!" The doctor says, "Okay, you're ugly too!""
"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
"A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"
"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving."
"I've got all the money I'll ever need. If I die by 4:00."
" I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
"A man walks into a library and says, ‘I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology."
"My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, "Cough!"
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
"The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
"A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy!" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" The doctor says, "Okay, you're ugly too."
"Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy." The man says, "I want a second opinion!" The doctor says, "Okay, you're ugly too!""
"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."
"A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
"A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"
"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving."
"I've got all the money I'll ever need. If I die by 4:00."
" I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
"A man walks into a library and says, ‘I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology."
"My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, "Cough!"
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
"The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
