trickblue
Not Old School...Old Testament...
- Messages
- 31,439
- Reaction score
- 3,961
- Ty Law does not sleep. He waits.
- Ty Law's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
- The chief export of Ty Law is pain.
- Ty Law doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- Ty Law has counted to infinity. Twice.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Ty Law.
- Ty Law is 1/8th Indian. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fricking Commander WR.
- In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Ty Law, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
- If you ask Ty Law what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he then tackles you.
- When Ty Law sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to make a tackle. Ty Law has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- ESPN was originally created as the "TLN (Ty Law Network)" to update Americans with on-the-spot corner-backing in real-time.
- Ty Law once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- Ty Law doesn't churn butter. He tackles the cows and the butter comes straight out.
- Ty Law originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to make a bone crunching tackle. When asked bout this "glitch," Law replied, "That's no glitch." So he still only appears in Madden.
- Ty Law once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
- Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is under Ty Law.
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Ty Law.
- Ty Law discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Ty Law is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Ty Law tackled him causing a fumble. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
- Pluto is actually an orbiting group of Colts WR’s who entered space after Ty gave them a hard-hitting tackle.
- There are no steroids in football. Just players Ty Law has breathed on.
- Ty Law once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Ty Law won by 5.
- Ty Law was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of cornerback, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Ty's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious tackle-related injuries.
- A Ty Law-delivered tackle is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
- Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1TLkyoYaT (Ty Law knock you on your arse tackle)
- Ty Law defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Ty Law loves you.
- Ty Law isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Ty Law.
- If you can see Ty Law, he can see you. If you can’t see Ty Law you may be only seconds away from being tackled… HARD.
- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Ty Law instead decided to bump and run his way out of his mother’s womb.
- There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Ty Law.
- Ty Law can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Ty Law allows to live.
- Ty Law can divide by zero.
- Ty Law can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- When Ty Law runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
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