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Could you survive in prehistoric times with this primitive tribe?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by Reverend Conehead, May 19, 2020 at 11:06 AM.

  1. Reverend Conehead

    Reverend Conehead Well-Known Member

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    Do some of you know survival techniques that could keep you alive if you were transported back in time to some prehistoric era like the Plesogoonieblubstine era and you needed to live amongst a savage apeman tribe, let's say an Australiopithicus tribe named Gooniehoompbloomp? They would be savages with a basic grunting language who throw spears at pterodactyl birds and mammoths and live in caves. You would need to prove yourself to have valuable skills to be accepted. If you could make weapons out of the raw materials there or help them to have successful hunts, your standing in the tribe would go way up, and you would have their protection. However, their tribal chief, a man named Moorglump, is ruthless. If you displease him in any way, he'll heat up a stone in a fire and then smash your face into the stone. But if you please him, you'll have excellent access to the food supply, and he'll give you fancy war paint and a wife. He may even let you have some of his Happy Juice, which is a fermented concoction of berry juice.

    I know some of you here may have had some survival training, either in the military or elsewhere. Do you believe you would be able to survive living in prehistoric times with the Gooniehoompbloomp tribe, helping them to attain supplies of Mammoth meat and skins? Maybe you know how to preserve meat into jerky, and that might help them. Let us know how you would approach this to survive.
     
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  2. DallasEast

    DallasEast Cowboys 24/7/365 Moderator

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    Not sure what my chances of survival would be. The country boy in me thinks I would have a good shot.

    I do believe two things though. First, a lot of people in the world currently could step into a time machine and would be dead on arrival. Second, I may not make it as well but at the very least I would club Moorglump to death if he kept Camille Belle (star of 10,000 BC) from being my betrothal:

    [​IMG]

    He could keep his Happy Juice as a concession for all I would care. :cool:
     
    Reverend Conehead likes this.
  3. jsb357

    jsb357 Well-Known Member

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    probably not

    they would be too superstitious and I would look SO much different and
    without strength in numbers to have time to learn their ways from afar
    they would probably overrun me in the middle of the night and be
    bludgeoned with rocks.
     
    JoeyBoy718 likes this.
  4. ABQCOWBOY

    ABQCOWBOY Regular Joe....

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    Yes I do and now I wouldn't. I am not familiar with this "Plesogoonieblubstine era" you refer to here but I do have some knowledge of the Pliocene and Pleistocene epochs era, which is the period in which Australopithecus lived (internet is truly marvelous right?). So, I'm not expert but I believe that during that period of time, average temps were roughly 8 to 10 degrees warmer. That introduces a very different geo then what our bodies are designed for. I don't believe I would have the antibodies to survive. So while I might be able to survive Australopithecus for a time, eventually the environment would get me.
     
  5. cowboyec

    cowboyec Well-Known Member

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    yes.
    yabba dabba dooo.
     
  6. Tabascocat

    Tabascocat Dexternjack Zone Supporter

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    Absolutely, lead me to a T-Rex.......I will be hungry upon arrival!
     
  7. Tabascocat

    Tabascocat Dexternjack Zone Supporter

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    I would then club you and take my prize :thumbup:
     
  8. CouchCoach

    CouchCoach Well-Known Member

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    I would run for mayor, and win, and be His Honor Gooberoomplaloompa of the Gooniehoompbloomp tribe of early Poughkeepsie. I would run on the platform of a brontosaurus in every pot, after, of course, inventing the pot. Then I'd grow some pot and hang out with Trudy Smackajackalacka in the back of the cave and have her work on inventing the Twinkie because if we'd created them back then, they'd still be good today. I would also work on inventing Nair so I could tell tell the girls from the guys other than by odor.

    I would also appoint Reverendadoobabooba Coneheadagroobamooba my head moderator of my website, RockThrowers Zone. We would post on rocks and leave them for the other members to find. A Like would be an Acawcawoobi's tailfeather stuck in a pile of triceratops poop close to the rock. I would also invent the first date drug, The Club, and we would sit around in awe and wonder spinning our yarns of conquest.
     
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  9. YosemiteSam

    YosemiteSam Unfriendly and Aloof!

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    DeathMonkey likes this.
  10. ABQCOWBOY

    ABQCOWBOY Regular Joe....

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    You can fool all of the people some of the time...... you can fool some of the people all of the time but Sam, you can't fool me at all.

    I know all your trying to do is get an angle on Holly Marshall!
     
  11. DallasEast

    DallasEast Cowboys 24/7/365 Moderator

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    It will be the Land War of the Lost!
     
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  12. DeathMonkey

    DeathMonkey Well-Known Member

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    I would be able to survive long enough to wait for @Reverend Conehead to visit in his time machine. When he's off peeing in the bushes, I'd steal the time machine and return to the present with it.
     
  13. Oz-of-Cowboy-Country

    Oz-of-Cowboy-Country Well-Known Member

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    They don't even know how to throw a proper punch yet. So yeah I'd survive and have them working for me.
    :dance:
     
  14. Reverend Conehead

    Reverend Conehead Well-Known Member

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    Okay, cool, you're the dude I've been looking for. I didn't mention it, but I've already traveled back in time with my time machine to visit this tribe. I'm been looking for someone to go with me for my second trip. You won't be able to run for tribal mayor because no such thing exists yet. There's Chief Moorglump, and the only way to take his place is to kill him by shoving a spear up his rear end. I don't recommend doing that immediately when you get there. To attain tribal support, you'll need to prove yourself as a worthy hunter and weapons maker. So brush up on your martial arts and spear-making skills. When I left, they were preparing to do an attack on the tribe that lives on Bloombagoomba Island. They were busy building weapons and canoes for that. It would also be helpful if you learned as much of the lingo as possible. You won't find it in any book, library, or online. Their language was lost to history, but fortunately, I've learned a bunch of it. Here are some terms to get you started.

    boola boola = kill, kill / commence the hunt
    ooga = I/me
    booga = you
    boola = kill
    ooga booga boola = I'll kill you

    foora = fire
    speera = spear

    ooga kompron = I understand.
    Kompronay-booga? /or just: kompronay = Do you understand?

    Dez mach noot = That does not matter

    maeden = girl or woman
    dyut = boy or man

    dooda hoompa-boompa = make whoopie
    ooga dooda hoompa-boompa = I will make whoopie.
    booga dooda hoompa-boompa = You will make whoopie.

    maeden-hoompa = wife
    dyut-boompa = husband

    woopa-woopa-woopa = interjection indicating joy or excitement

    ooga dooda hoompa-boompa vif ze maeden-hoompa -- woopa-woopa-woopa = I will make passionate love to my wife.

    woohra = warrior
    woopa-woohra = passionate warrior
    hoont = hunt

    beegcheeza = chief

    ooga kempa = I fight
    booga kempa = You fight

    exekoota ze speera oop ze bootie = To kill someone by spearing him from behind

    voop-ze-treenka = happy juice

    I hope this helps. Get ready preparing for your trip. I'm sure you'll do great. And don't get any ideas about doing the hoompa-boompa while you're there. We wouldn't want to mess up the genetic pool and hence the timeline with modern DNA. What we do need to find out is if there are any T-Rex's on Bloombagoomba island. For years, scientists have claimed humans and dinosaurs were never contemporaries, but I think they may have been wrong. The tribe has been telling legends about having to fight giant lizards there.
     
  15. jsb357

    jsb357 Well-Known Member

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  16. JIMMYBUFFETT

    JIMMYBUFFETT Skinwalker

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    I'd thrive. First off I'm fluent in grunt. I'd have my cave all pimped out in beaver pelts, geodes, beaded curtains made from sea shells, and a real lava lamp. I'd immediately do away with spear chucking and teach my fellow cave mates to build Glocks with freaking lasers. I'd wear killer bling with a saber tooth necklace, mastodon slippers, and pterodactyl Speedo. If that didn't attract 3-4 she cavers, I'd go old school and bring my Dire Wolf pup out for the ladies to play with. Moorglump isn't gonna do squat cause he knows I'll put a cap in him. And yeah I think he'll share the Happy Juice when the Bubonic Chronic doesn't get passed his way. We're also going to skip the mammoth meat and build a Whataburger and Arby's within hunched walking distance of the cave.
     
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  17. DeathMonkey

    DeathMonkey Well-Known Member

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    "See this? This is my BOOMSTICK!" That's all you need.

     
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  18. Reverend Conehead

    Reverend Conehead Well-Known Member

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    I don't think you can bring a firearm back in the time machine, but if I did bring one back, it would be an AK-47.
     
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