Gryphon
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By: Benjamin Billman
Posted: 2/2/09
I'm sure that by the time you are reading this article, you will be about as fed up with football as it is possible to get during the year.
Even if your intention was NOT to watch the Super Bowl (although why wouldn't you?), have heard nothing but blather back-and-forth about the game, on whatever network you turn on, for the last two weeks.
On Sunday, whatever you ended up watching, there were short blurbs where the comedians or news anchors or Weather Channel men made reference to that game of all games.
The only thing I have to say to this media blitz of unwanted coverage is this. Thank whatever God exists that the Dallas Cowboys weren't involved.
Jerry Jones is the owner of the Dallas Cowboys. He also, apparently, is the owner of the NFL public representation department for the offseason, and this year he got started early.
To a team that already held Terrell "lazy route runner" Owens, he added Adam "Pac Man" Jones, a man who apparently includes in his repertoire the ability to eat tiny pellets and avoid ghosts.
Jones also comes with the ability to mess up a team even more disturbed with Owens, and the results were nothing less than extraordinary for Jerry Jones.
And make no mistake. Jerry Jones loved the attention.
He loved when Terrell Owens lambasted his quarterback in an amusing and very WWE-like press conference, pulling a kindergarten "they are making secret plans WITHOUT ME" [insert childish whine here].
He loved when Tony Romo got hurt for a quarter of the season and the team lost, fueling press rumors that the Cowboys weren't all that great.
And he loved all of this because Jerry Jones doesn't give one tiny whit about his team.
Why would he? The Cowboys of the early 2000s were a joke, and the late '90s, and he already had his Super Bowl win and the hottest (almost literally) football-fan-show in the offseason (Want to watch one of the first real reality shows? With cheerleaders? That was it).
But that's not the biggest reason why I am elated that the Dallas Cowboys failed to make the Super Bowl.
Anyone with ears will have heard of the high-flying new show due to show up on cable in the near future. Basically a "Pros vs. Joes" remake, this game pits halfway decent football players against each other in a grueling training camps session, to the end of making the Cowboys preseason roster.
That's right. The Cowboys, apparently not content with getting their questionable talent from the NFL's dregs, are now looking for the best wash-out.
This is Keanu Reeves' best chance to continue his role from "The Replacements" by trying out once again as a tormented and talented college quarterback. Lord knows he probably has the best chance of making and sticking with the team.
Other NFL teams use the draft to find their new players.
Jerry Jones is no longer contented with this apparently outdated system (that he doesn't control), and so now he is issuing a call to the bums of former players. Hell, why not give it a shot?
Maybe if you act like Mark Wahlberg enough, Jerry Jones will revert back to his movie fantasy world and give you the spot because Dick Vermiel did in the '70s?
Posted: 2/2/09
I'm sure that by the time you are reading this article, you will be about as fed up with football as it is possible to get during the year.
Even if your intention was NOT to watch the Super Bowl (although why wouldn't you?), have heard nothing but blather back-and-forth about the game, on whatever network you turn on, for the last two weeks.
On Sunday, whatever you ended up watching, there were short blurbs where the comedians or news anchors or Weather Channel men made reference to that game of all games.
The only thing I have to say to this media blitz of unwanted coverage is this. Thank whatever God exists that the Dallas Cowboys weren't involved.
Jerry Jones is the owner of the Dallas Cowboys. He also, apparently, is the owner of the NFL public representation department for the offseason, and this year he got started early.
To a team that already held Terrell "lazy route runner" Owens, he added Adam "Pac Man" Jones, a man who apparently includes in his repertoire the ability to eat tiny pellets and avoid ghosts.
Jones also comes with the ability to mess up a team even more disturbed with Owens, and the results were nothing less than extraordinary for Jerry Jones.
And make no mistake. Jerry Jones loved the attention.
He loved when Terrell Owens lambasted his quarterback in an amusing and very WWE-like press conference, pulling a kindergarten "they are making secret plans WITHOUT ME" [insert childish whine here].
He loved when Tony Romo got hurt for a quarter of the season and the team lost, fueling press rumors that the Cowboys weren't all that great.
And he loved all of this because Jerry Jones doesn't give one tiny whit about his team.
Why would he? The Cowboys of the early 2000s were a joke, and the late '90s, and he already had his Super Bowl win and the hottest (almost literally) football-fan-show in the offseason (Want to watch one of the first real reality shows? With cheerleaders? That was it).
But that's not the biggest reason why I am elated that the Dallas Cowboys failed to make the Super Bowl.
Anyone with ears will have heard of the high-flying new show due to show up on cable in the near future. Basically a "Pros vs. Joes" remake, this game pits halfway decent football players against each other in a grueling training camps session, to the end of making the Cowboys preseason roster.
That's right. The Cowboys, apparently not content with getting their questionable talent from the NFL's dregs, are now looking for the best wash-out.
This is Keanu Reeves' best chance to continue his role from "The Replacements" by trying out once again as a tormented and talented college quarterback. Lord knows he probably has the best chance of making and sticking with the team.
Other NFL teams use the draft to find their new players.
Jerry Jones is no longer contented with this apparently outdated system (that he doesn't control), and so now he is issuing a call to the bums of former players. Hell, why not give it a shot?
Maybe if you act like Mark Wahlberg enough, Jerry Jones will revert back to his movie fantasy world and give you the spot because Dick Vermiel did in the '70s?
