Elderly advice concerning idiot boyfriend (me) and girlfriend's father

[SupermanXx]

Okay I'm 23 years old, freshly graduated from the University of Texas @ Dallas with a bachelor's in business/IT and am now in my 1st semester of completing my Master's....

but I may be an idiot.

how do I win the favor of the single father of my girlfriend of 2 months (both of us have recently gotten out of 3.5 year relationships, we're not 15 year old high school dates anymore)?

I ask b/c 1) his wife just left him last year.. I've met her and she's a totally nice/funny person. 2) I've met him b/c it's his house where his daughter lives but they sort of don't have a great relationship...

I try to be as nice as I can to him and as respectful as I can until THIS happens: I've fallen asleep at his house in his daughter's room with his daughter (yes, just sleeping) 1 too many times against his spoken will

he met me on the way to my car this morning to re-iterate (and understandably so) his rule...

I accept full responsibility for being an idiot and drinking on weekends (maybe more often) and attempting to weigh being safe and staying without driving while honoring his rules

anyway... I want to establish a good relationship with him b/c it's just the way that I am. I just don't know how to do it b/c the more important relationship (his daughter) is strained between them.

what the HELL do I do to 1) bring myself out of the pit of hell doghouse that I feel that I'm in and 2) put my foot in the door in the form of building a relationship with him where he knows that I truly am a respectful person and truly do love his daughter?

 

[GTaylor]

First- how old is your girlfriend? If she's 23 then it's odd you need his permission to date her, but would make sense if she's living in his house.

Second - going by your post it sounds like you're still able to date her, but are on double-secret probation. If that's the case then time to own up and be a man, chill out on the drinking and openly admit to the dad that you made a mistake and that you see his daughter as more than a one night stand. He was once 23, he knows whats in your head and your pants, he also knows few 23 year olds will own up and attempt to mend the relationship. He'll be skeptical at first, we all were when Deion held a press conference to announce he was reborn, but like Deion, what you do afterwards will convince him you were serious and not putting on an act.

As far as the relationship between daughter and dad...you're Switzerland, stay neutral and let both parties know that you're friend to both and not to drag you into it, even if you have a preference.

 

[SupermanXx]

thank you greatly for a very insightful post

on your first question, she's 22 and I'm 23...

it's not that I need his permission to date her b/c by now he's accepted it without me ever having to ask

but that's also one of the issues... our relationship (him and me) consists of 1 minute conversations of "hi how are you" over the span of 2 months mixed in with occurences such as the one I outlined in the original post... which is odd to me b/c normally I would have already had a decent relationship built with the father of my girlfriend

but as time goes by and as these sorts of things happen, it gets harder for me to try to come up with a way to break the ice with him

 

[Hostile]

He needs to see that you love and respect her.

1. Opens doors for her. Every time. Have her remain in the car while you walk around the car to get her door.

2. Help her with any chores she has. The dishes, raking leaves, straightening up. Have fun while doing it just because you're with her.

3. Avoid her bedroom for socializing with her. He can't be pissed if you're not in there.

4. Insist on cooking dinner for them both and you buy the food. Get a recipe from someone on here if you have to. Even if all you do is bring the pizza. It will show that you want to contribute.

 

[twa]

Good advice by the others.

In short show more responsible behavior by cutting down the drinking and respecting his rules in his home.

You are facing a natural bias by fathers(especially one dealing with his own problems) that can only be overcome by time,mutual respect and his daughters love for you.

A frank discussion apologizing for disrespecting his wishes would be a good start.

 

[SupermanXx]

thanks all for the great posts