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Gonzo: The Cowboys we love to hate
POSTED: January 8, 2010
By John Gonzalez
Inquirer Columnist
If you enjoy old westerns, you know cowboys are supposed to wear white hats and rescue women in distress before riding off toward a slowly setting sun. They're supposed to be the good guys.
As any loyal Eagles fan will tell you, that's true only in the movies. On the football field, the Cowboys have proven to be nasty little knotheads with black hearts and big mouths. I spent four years in Dallas covering the 'Pokes, which I always felt was like doing time at Leavenworth. (I'll have to ask Michael Vick about that. Perhaps we can share stories about "the yard" and compare prison tattoos.)
Some of the animosity I have for the organization grew from my proximity to a petri dish of condescending team employees and arrogant players. Don't bother checking Merriam-Webster. Entitlement is a synonym for "America's Team."
The rest of the deep disdain I harbor is due to reflexive conditioning. You can't grow up in Philly and back the 'Boys. (Unless you're my misguided cousin Steve, who proudly counts himself among the unwashed Dallas fans. I've been trying to get him excommunicated from our family for years). Hating that team is natural and right. It's what Philly does.
While we wait to see if the Birds will beat the 'Boys tomorrow - and considering how the first two meetings went this season, you ought to cross your fingers and toes and anything else you have handy - I offer a personal list of the top 10 most hated Cowboys of my lifetime. Putting it together was a lot more fun than watching last week's game.
10. Tom Landry: He was a fine man with a solid reputation, a coach lauded for his talent and character - which was the problem. He made the Cowboys respectable (even though he wore that silly hat). The Cowboys aren't supposed to be respectable. Thankfully, Michael Irvin ushered in the infamous "White House" era and undid all Landry's good PR work.
9. Pacman Jones: The prototypical Cowboy: talked big, played small, and had a well-documented fondness for strippers, firearms, frequent brushes with the law, and, of course, "making it rain." Oh, and the nickname - you can't forget the ridiculous nickname.
8. Troy Aikman: In almost every way, Aikman was an anti-Cowboy. While some of his teammates were out drugging and whoring, Aikman kept his, uh, nose clean. He makes the list for the same reason as Landry.
7. Tony Romo: Jessica Simpson? Seriously? The guy must not have MTV. One episode of Newlyweds would have prevented that whole sad tabloid affair.
6. Deion Sanders: Have you watched the NFL Network lately? Me neither. Prime Time is the reason.
5. Roy Williams: Not Roy E. Williams the receiver, Roy Williams the safety - the guy Bill Parcells once called "biscuit" because, as the coach put it, he was "a biscuit away from being a linebacker." When I covered the Cowboys, Williams was suspected of attacking a Dallas Morning News writer in a letter lousy with homophobic slurs. The anonymous missive was proudly posted in Williams' locker for everyone - teammates and media alike - to see. Even if he didn't write it, he displayed it, which was bad enough.
4. Michael Irvin: He was talented and brash and he knew it. If he played in Philly, he would have been revered. He didn't play in Philly, though.
3. Terrell Owens: No explanation required.
2. Jimmy Johnson: I'm still not convinced the petrified animal perched atop his head is real hair and not a bad - if impressively immovable - makeshift toupee. He whined a lot (usually after Buddy's boys gave his team an unapologetic public flogging), and he saddled the sports-loving country with the most aggravating, overused phrase in recent memory: "How 'bout them Cowboys?" If not for the patriarch of the Cowboys Clan, Johnson would easily be No. 1 on my list.
1. Jerry Jones: Where to begin? He opened a preposterously expensive stadium during one of the worst economic downturns in our nation's history, then jacked up prices on everything from pizza (just $60 for a 20-inch pie - what a bargain!) to the shamefully named "Cowboyritas" (the official margarita of the Dallas Cowboys) even though Texas taxpayers helped subsidize Jerry World in the first place. He put a giant scoreboard just 90 feet over the field, then balked when punters and coaches complained the monstrosity was too low and affected the game. And he signed off on the "party pass" idea, a $29 standing-room-only area that was grossly oversold for the first home game and forced many ticket-holders to do their standing outside the stadium. And that was just the stuff he pulled this season.
Since assuming control of the team in 1989, his list of infractions against the NFL, fans across the country, and (hyperbole alert) humanity has grown longer than Dirk Nowitzki's inseam. Not to mention that he's ultimately responsible for everyone on this list (save Landry, whom he unceremoniously fired).
General Jerry, more than anyone else, Page 2 loves to loathe you.
Contact columnist John Gonzalez at 215-854-2813 or gonzalez@phillynews.com.
http://www.philly.com/philly/sports/eagles/20100108_Gonzo___The_Cowboys_we_love_to_hate.html
POSTED: January 8, 2010
By John Gonzalez
Inquirer Columnist
If you enjoy old westerns, you know cowboys are supposed to wear white hats and rescue women in distress before riding off toward a slowly setting sun. They're supposed to be the good guys.
As any loyal Eagles fan will tell you, that's true only in the movies. On the football field, the Cowboys have proven to be nasty little knotheads with black hearts and big mouths. I spent four years in Dallas covering the 'Pokes, which I always felt was like doing time at Leavenworth. (I'll have to ask Michael Vick about that. Perhaps we can share stories about "the yard" and compare prison tattoos.)
Some of the animosity I have for the organization grew from my proximity to a petri dish of condescending team employees and arrogant players. Don't bother checking Merriam-Webster. Entitlement is a synonym for "America's Team."
The rest of the deep disdain I harbor is due to reflexive conditioning. You can't grow up in Philly and back the 'Boys. (Unless you're my misguided cousin Steve, who proudly counts himself among the unwashed Dallas fans. I've been trying to get him excommunicated from our family for years). Hating that team is natural and right. It's what Philly does.
While we wait to see if the Birds will beat the 'Boys tomorrow - and considering how the first two meetings went this season, you ought to cross your fingers and toes and anything else you have handy - I offer a personal list of the top 10 most hated Cowboys of my lifetime. Putting it together was a lot more fun than watching last week's game.
10. Tom Landry: He was a fine man with a solid reputation, a coach lauded for his talent and character - which was the problem. He made the Cowboys respectable (even though he wore that silly hat). The Cowboys aren't supposed to be respectable. Thankfully, Michael Irvin ushered in the infamous "White House" era and undid all Landry's good PR work.
9. Pacman Jones: The prototypical Cowboy: talked big, played small, and had a well-documented fondness for strippers, firearms, frequent brushes with the law, and, of course, "making it rain." Oh, and the nickname - you can't forget the ridiculous nickname.
8. Troy Aikman: In almost every way, Aikman was an anti-Cowboy. While some of his teammates were out drugging and whoring, Aikman kept his, uh, nose clean. He makes the list for the same reason as Landry.
7. Tony Romo: Jessica Simpson? Seriously? The guy must not have MTV. One episode of Newlyweds would have prevented that whole sad tabloid affair.
6. Deion Sanders: Have you watched the NFL Network lately? Me neither. Prime Time is the reason.
5. Roy Williams: Not Roy E. Williams the receiver, Roy Williams the safety - the guy Bill Parcells once called "biscuit" because, as the coach put it, he was "a biscuit away from being a linebacker." When I covered the Cowboys, Williams was suspected of attacking a Dallas Morning News writer in a letter lousy with homophobic slurs. The anonymous missive was proudly posted in Williams' locker for everyone - teammates and media alike - to see. Even if he didn't write it, he displayed it, which was bad enough.
4. Michael Irvin: He was talented and brash and he knew it. If he played in Philly, he would have been revered. He didn't play in Philly, though.
3. Terrell Owens: No explanation required.
2. Jimmy Johnson: I'm still not convinced the petrified animal perched atop his head is real hair and not a bad - if impressively immovable - makeshift toupee. He whined a lot (usually after Buddy's boys gave his team an unapologetic public flogging), and he saddled the sports-loving country with the most aggravating, overused phrase in recent memory: "How 'bout them Cowboys?" If not for the patriarch of the Cowboys Clan, Johnson would easily be No. 1 on my list.
1. Jerry Jones: Where to begin? He opened a preposterously expensive stadium during one of the worst economic downturns in our nation's history, then jacked up prices on everything from pizza (just $60 for a 20-inch pie - what a bargain!) to the shamefully named "Cowboyritas" (the official margarita of the Dallas Cowboys) even though Texas taxpayers helped subsidize Jerry World in the first place. He put a giant scoreboard just 90 feet over the field, then balked when punters and coaches complained the monstrosity was too low and affected the game. And he signed off on the "party pass" idea, a $29 standing-room-only area that was grossly oversold for the first home game and forced many ticket-holders to do their standing outside the stadium. And that was just the stuff he pulled this season.
Since assuming control of the team in 1989, his list of infractions against the NFL, fans across the country, and (hyperbole alert) humanity has grown longer than Dirk Nowitzki's inseam. Not to mention that he's ultimately responsible for everyone on this list (save Landry, whom he unceremoniously fired).
General Jerry, more than anyone else, Page 2 loves to loathe you.
Contact columnist John Gonzalez at 215-854-2813 or gonzalez@phillynews.com.
http://www.philly.com/philly/sports/eagles/20100108_Gonzo___The_Cowboys_we_love_to_hate.html
