Signals
Suspicious looking stranger
- Messages
- 4,656
- Reaction score
- 32
The following statements are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment
of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways do es it affect
your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example
of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter
has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that
when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar
exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the
twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when
your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ****in' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception
(of the baby ws August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing
at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children,
right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you ****in' me?
Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
___________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was
it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you
suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and
had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when
I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed
on dead people. Would you like to rephrase
that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral,
OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that
you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around
8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead
at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the
table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a
urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to
ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting
on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law.
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment
of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways do es it affect
your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example
of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter
has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that
when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar
exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the
twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when
your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ****in' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception
(of the baby ws August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing
at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children,
right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you ****in' me?
Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
___________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was
it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you
suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and
had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when
I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed
on dead people. Would you like to rephrase
that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral,
OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that
you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around
8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead
at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the
table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a
urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to
ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting
on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law.
