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I avoided conscription into the Martian Army

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by Reverend Conehead, Sep 16, 2020 at 8:01 AM.

  1. Reverend Conehead

    Reverend Conehead Well-Known Member

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    Man, am I relieved. No matter what happens today, I can be happy that I'm not a forced recruit into this army owned by a Martian gang lord. Last night I fell asleep and somehow got transported into an alternate reality. You might claim it was a dream, but I know it was real. It was too real to be fake. I got transported to work on a new colony on Mars. It was inside these huge domes. The work was really hard, but it was rewarding. We had these big stacks of steel shelves, and it was our job to stack up merchandise in them, really big and heavy stuff. There was less gravity, so that made it a little easier, but we still had to work really hard. At night we had these really plain and spartan barracks we returned to for sleep. The company provided for all our needs such as food and lodging in these barracks.

    My boss was trying to get a friend back home on Earth to send him some seeds for this plant that was illegal in some places on Earth, but legal in others that he said would ease the pain of our sore muscles. We had to work really hard to get everything in great shape because later on everything had to be in great shape for the rich people who were going to be showing up from Earth to live. So then one day, my friend who was trying to get those seeds took me to the very edge of the dome to a hilly area where some super nice and beautiful cottages were built for the rich people who would be coming. We checked them out, and it looked like super luxury. But then there were these huge animals that looked like giant prairie dogs that kept chasing us around, and we were scared of being eaten.

    We figured out we could hide temporarily from them under this prayer station that made everything quiet and the giant prairie dogs couldn't enter. Then to try to escape, we used meditation to float above them all so they couldn't reach us. However, then we got pulled by weird forces toward this other area where there were mean looking men with helmets. Turns out, this whole thing was a ruse to pull us toward their Martian Army conscription station. If they caught you, we would be forced into a hellish life fighting for this Martian gang lord.

    Fortunately, I was really good at floating above everything and so they couldn't reach me. Then I was able to hide in this desolate place where they didn't know I was. I was trying to find my way back to the place with the luxury cottages and giant prairie dogs. I knew if I could find that, I could find my way back to the Martian company I was working for getting stuff ready for the rich people. Even if life was tough like that, it was way better than fighting in some Martian thug's army.

    I was just about to figure out how to get back and how to get past the giant prairie dogs, when I was somehow transported back to this reality with my smartphone sounding. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'm grateful. I hear the fighting is really fierce between the rival gangs on Mars, and I don't want to be part of it. So, no matter what goes down today, I'm going to make sure to be grateful that I'm not doing that.
     
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  2. jsb357

    jsb357 Well-Known Member

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    I'm sensing a pattern here...
     
  3. Londonboy

    Londonboy Well-Known Member

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    Your tracking device alerted Me to Your abduction and I sent in a covert retrieval squad to rescue You.
    I'm not about to let Overlord Von Kesseler (Your abductor) interfere with My plans to thwart the impending Squirrel invasion.
     
  4. Reverend Conehead

    Reverend Conehead Well-Known Member

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    Thanks. I owe you one. But why wasn't I sent back to the company I was working for stocking shelves on Mars?
     
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  5. Londonboy

    Londonboy Well-Known Member

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    All will become clear in time.
    Suffice to say that You're a key component in Operation Sacrificial Lemming.
     
  6. Runwildboys

    Runwildboys Well-Known Member

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    I'm shipping a case of these to your Black Ops division.
    [​IMG]
     
  7. Londonboy

    Londonboy Well-Known Member

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    Ummm.....I thought You were running the BOD, I'm sure I sent a memo.
     
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  8. Runwildboys

    Runwildboys Well-Known Member

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    That's @DeathMonkey ............err, I mean Dreadhonkey's department.
     
  9. Londonboy

    Londonboy Well-Known Member

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    OK, so are You running the Surveillance Op on Their HQ located in Your attic?
     
  10. Runwildboys

    Runwildboys Well-Known Member

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    Oh, I invaded their stronghold a couple of years ago. They're relegated to living in the trees, like a bunch of animals.
     
  11. Londonboy

    Londonboy Well-Known Member

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    Dang it, how am I supposed to plan the defence of Earth if Nobody ever tells Me anything?
     
  12. cowboyec

    cowboyec Well-Known Member

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    i think the aliens did an inception in your dream state.
    you were abducted and taken aboard their ship...then to their base in the cydonia region of mars where the face and pyramid structures are.
    you were not supposed to see them but you did...you also saw a u.s. military unit there working in concert with the aliens...our gov is conducting an archeological mission in cydonia area...particularly the face.
    they cant risk anyone knowing any of it.
    so they performed an inception.
    its what they WANTED you to think what happened.
    accept the giant prairie dogs.
    i dont know how you managed to remember that.
    they are some mean *******s.
     
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  13. DeathMonkey

    DeathMonkey Well-Known Member

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    Do you guys have -any- idea how hard it is to run a BOD when you guys keeping outting it and me! The lack of professionalism is killing me....no wait, it's not -me- it's going to kill.


    :laugh:
     
  14. Runwildboys

    Runwildboys Well-Known Member

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    Well, you're the only one who's in direct contact with Dreadhonkey, so we need to get your attention in order to get his..........We know it's just a coincidence that nobody's ever seen the two of you together.
     
  15. kskboys

    kskboys Well-Known Member

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    Was it a golden retriever?
     
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  16. Runwildboys

    Runwildboys Well-Known Member

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    Keep it in your pants, big boy!
     
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  17. DallasEast

    DallasEast Cowboys 24/7/365 Moderator

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    Cliff note: close encounter of the fourth kind that fell just short of a close encounter of the sixth kind.
     
  18. Londonboy

    Londonboy Well-Known Member

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    I'm afraid that's classified.
     
  19. kskboys

    kskboys Well-Known Member

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    Gotta take 'em off just to find it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  20. DeathMonkey

    DeathMonkey Well-Known Member

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    All squirrels need to die. This WILL be addressed.
     

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