Draegerman
Internet Somebody
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Salutations to my fellow 'Zoners and sincere condolences to my beloved Longhorn Nation [bows head in silence]. I thought it best to take an opportunity at this juncture to weigh in with my opinion regarding our head coach:
Wade Phillips? He stinks!
Well, to be fair, I'm quite sure that he doesn't really stink. In fact, Coach Wade appears to be a great smelling fella (in the hygienic/olfactory sense of the word). No, this was really more of a simple ploy on my part to weed out the homers, trolls & mentally challenged from this thread. They'll casually dismiss it and post how they stopped reading after the "He stinks!" comment - and then they'll go on their merry way. How's that for a clever subterfuge? Well not really clever but it is within the keeping of my #1 rule for starting a thread:
Rule #1 - Eliminate the chaos makers, the static spewing pieholes and those that just don't overall agree with you.
But certainly you can't have a "#1" without a "#2"...
Rule #2 - Baffle them with B-S but remember that you lack critical thinking skills to support your point(s). Picknit their spelling and grammar and if that doesn't work (and it looks like you're going to lose the argument), blame it on the beer you've been drinking, then proceed more quicklier and hide in the OT board for awhile.:beer1:
And of course, my all-time favorite, #3...
Rule #3 - When posting, keep in mind the line from your favorite holiday movie: "Daddy, teacher says whenever a bell rings, a village idiot will post on the C-Z".
Words to live by.
Speaking of "numbers", my #1 son says I lack the vernacular to come off as a funny person. Not sure what one has to do with the other but I reminded him that if I had had a "vernacular" back in my wild oats sowing days, he would not be here right now to critique my yarns.
Ahh, but I digress, so I suppose it's about time to get all up in this hizzy.
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
RHCP
The truth is that I'm not exactly crazy about him as our coach and that's problematic when it comes to the success of our Cowboys. Honestly, I've never hurt as badly as I did for this team (with the exception of ex & ex-eye-eye-eye [gives one-fingered salute to Steel town and their fans]) until they lost to the Giants in Wade's first year. The fact that Parcells could be blamed in his grandest role as a performing circus-monkey-rat-abandoning a sinking ship is irrelevant. He handed the keys of a finely tuned Benz over to him and Wade drove it around the block a few times and it came back a Kia (no offense to the Koreans and their fine automotive skills - I'm sure that they'll still love us long time).
But I knew we were in trouble with Wade once the trainer (from having been micro-managed by the Tuna during his tenure) came up to him on his first day and asked what training weight did he want each Cowboy playing at. Wade had that puzzled look on his very peculiar moon face and said whatever weight needed to get them out on the field. That's when the parade music hit a snag with this very loud scratching noise caused by a Cowboy's overly large backside hitting the record player. I was instantly hit with the realization that we were being handed a 6 for a 9. That Wade was going to be a combination between a Gailey and a Campo (or "Gampo" or "Cailey" or even "Witzer" - if that floats your boat). Re: A Players' Coach.
[Cue the scary music]
By this point some of you have probably decided that this is another senseless/mindless bashing of our head coach. Well you'd be wrong...
...except for this part:
A lawyer, Coach Phillips & Tiger Woods walk into a bar.
The Bartender looks up and says, "Get the hell out of my bar!"
:laugh2:
Trust me. It gets funnier by your sixth beer. :beer2:
Alright, enough crap. If rule #1 hasn't worked by now and you're still here (hanging on to my every word while lurking like a sniper in a watch tower) - then let's get it on, shall we?
The fact is that I grow tired and continue to get older by the minute with no hope of enjoying, nay, cherishing where this team needs to be at in the annals of football history - ya dig? And for the life of me I just can't see Wade getting us there to the promise land.
When Jerry offered him the most coveted coaching position in the whole country (possible el mundo, tambien), I figured he knew more than we did. I thought that on good, reliable authority (the kind that only Jerry dollars can afford) - this was the best fit for the Cowboys. I bought into it (literally with my Sunday Ticket renewal from DirecTv), as did most of you. But then things started spiralling out of control fairly quickly. And we were being handed excuses that only a man with a loser's mentality would say. Crap like the one where he lost to the midgets as the #1 seed in the playoffs and said that technically we won the first playoff game since we earned a bye.
Excuse me? Say what?:bang2:
And before any of you start thinking that this is really a senseless/mindless bashing directed at our owner, El Jefe Jones...well, once again you'd be wrong...
...except for this part:
Jerry Jones and two Irishmen walk out of a bar.
Hey, it could happen.
With that said, I feel it necessary to give credit where credit's due. Wade has done a fine job as our defensive coordinator this season. But for the life of me I cannot figure out if the success of the 2009 Cowboys had more to do with team chemistry/team leadership or Coach Phillips impact (in his 3rd year) as our head coach. If you honestly believe that Phillips deserves the credit then please allow me to throw another hypothetical at you -
The Dallas Cowboys have been replicated into four exact teams by a machine that the goverment doesn't want you to know about (just play along). No team is any different from the other (e.g. same weather conditions, no injuries, same personalities and intangibles, etc) except for the following changes:
Team #1 Head Coach is Wade Phillips
Team #2 Head Coach is Bill Cowher
Team #3 Head Coach is Mike Shanahan
Team #4 Head Coach is Jon Gruden
Realizing that the only schedule each team will have are games against each other, which team will fare the best?
I know my answer and I'm pretty sure that most of you have already figured out that it's not Team #1 - but I'd like to hear what each of you think.
Well, we're less than two hours away from finding out if Wade can finally win his first playoff game. They're favored but we all know how that went the last time. Either this post has merit and gets buried under a plethora of other "We Hate Wade" posts or I get reminded who the true village idiot is around these parts.
As much as I don't want him as our head coach, I want equally for him to go out a winner by bringing home the sixth Superbowl Trophy. That would be the optimal conditions for everyone involved: Wade going out in style.
Sadly, I just don't think it's going to happen.
And for his sake - it won't be enough...:cry:
Wade Phillips? He stinks!
Well, to be fair, I'm quite sure that he doesn't really stink. In fact, Coach Wade appears to be a great smelling fella (in the hygienic/olfactory sense of the word). No, this was really more of a simple ploy on my part to weed out the homers, trolls & mentally challenged from this thread. They'll casually dismiss it and post how they stopped reading after the "He stinks!" comment - and then they'll go on their merry way. How's that for a clever subterfuge? Well not really clever but it is within the keeping of my #1 rule for starting a thread:
Rule #1 - Eliminate the chaos makers, the static spewing pieholes and those that just don't overall agree with you.
But certainly you can't have a "#1" without a "#2"...
Rule #2 - Baffle them with B-S but remember that you lack critical thinking skills to support your point(s). Picknit their spelling and grammar and if that doesn't work (and it looks like you're going to lose the argument), blame it on the beer you've been drinking, then proceed more quicklier and hide in the OT board for awhile.:beer1:
And of course, my all-time favorite, #3...
Rule #3 - When posting, keep in mind the line from your favorite holiday movie: "Daddy, teacher says whenever a bell rings, a village idiot will post on the C-Z".
Words to live by.
Speaking of "numbers", my #1 son says I lack the vernacular to come off as a funny person. Not sure what one has to do with the other but I reminded him that if I had had a "vernacular" back in my wild oats sowing days, he would not be here right now to critique my yarns.
Ahh, but I digress, so I suppose it's about time to get all up in this hizzy.
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
RHCP
The truth is that I'm not exactly crazy about him as our coach and that's problematic when it comes to the success of our Cowboys. Honestly, I've never hurt as badly as I did for this team (with the exception of ex & ex-eye-eye-eye [gives one-fingered salute to Steel town and their fans]) until they lost to the Giants in Wade's first year. The fact that Parcells could be blamed in his grandest role as a performing circus-monkey-rat-abandoning a sinking ship is irrelevant. He handed the keys of a finely tuned Benz over to him and Wade drove it around the block a few times and it came back a Kia (no offense to the Koreans and their fine automotive skills - I'm sure that they'll still love us long time).
But I knew we were in trouble with Wade once the trainer (from having been micro-managed by the Tuna during his tenure) came up to him on his first day and asked what training weight did he want each Cowboy playing at. Wade had that puzzled look on his very peculiar moon face and said whatever weight needed to get them out on the field. That's when the parade music hit a snag with this very loud scratching noise caused by a Cowboy's overly large backside hitting the record player. I was instantly hit with the realization that we were being handed a 6 for a 9. That Wade was going to be a combination between a Gailey and a Campo (or "Gampo" or "Cailey" or even "Witzer" - if that floats your boat). Re: A Players' Coach.
[Cue the scary music]
By this point some of you have probably decided that this is another senseless/mindless bashing of our head coach. Well you'd be wrong...
...except for this part:
A lawyer, Coach Phillips & Tiger Woods walk into a bar.
The Bartender looks up and says, "Get the hell out of my bar!"
:laugh2:
Trust me. It gets funnier by your sixth beer. :beer2:
Alright, enough crap. If rule #1 hasn't worked by now and you're still here (hanging on to my every word while lurking like a sniper in a watch tower) - then let's get it on, shall we?
The fact is that I grow tired and continue to get older by the minute with no hope of enjoying, nay, cherishing where this team needs to be at in the annals of football history - ya dig? And for the life of me I just can't see Wade getting us there to the promise land.
When Jerry offered him the most coveted coaching position in the whole country (possible el mundo, tambien), I figured he knew more than we did. I thought that on good, reliable authority (the kind that only Jerry dollars can afford) - this was the best fit for the Cowboys. I bought into it (literally with my Sunday Ticket renewal from DirecTv), as did most of you. But then things started spiralling out of control fairly quickly. And we were being handed excuses that only a man with a loser's mentality would say. Crap like the one where he lost to the midgets as the #1 seed in the playoffs and said that technically we won the first playoff game since we earned a bye.
Excuse me? Say what?:bang2:
And before any of you start thinking that this is really a senseless/mindless bashing directed at our owner, El Jefe Jones...well, once again you'd be wrong...
...except for this part:
Jerry Jones and two Irishmen walk out of a bar.
Hey, it could happen.
With that said, I feel it necessary to give credit where credit's due. Wade has done a fine job as our defensive coordinator this season. But for the life of me I cannot figure out if the success of the 2009 Cowboys had more to do with team chemistry/team leadership or Coach Phillips impact (in his 3rd year) as our head coach. If you honestly believe that Phillips deserves the credit then please allow me to throw another hypothetical at you -
The Dallas Cowboys have been replicated into four exact teams by a machine that the goverment doesn't want you to know about (just play along). No team is any different from the other (e.g. same weather conditions, no injuries, same personalities and intangibles, etc) except for the following changes:
Team #1 Head Coach is Wade Phillips
Team #2 Head Coach is Bill Cowher
Team #3 Head Coach is Mike Shanahan
Team #4 Head Coach is Jon Gruden
Realizing that the only schedule each team will have are games against each other, which team will fare the best?
I know my answer and I'm pretty sure that most of you have already figured out that it's not Team #1 - but I'd like to hear what each of you think.
Well, we're less than two hours away from finding out if Wade can finally win his first playoff game. They're favored but we all know how that went the last time. Either this post has merit and gets buried under a plethora of other "We Hate Wade" posts or I get reminded who the true village idiot is around these parts.
As much as I don't want him as our head coach, I want equally for him to go out a winner by bringing home the sixth Superbowl Trophy. That would be the optimal conditions for everyone involved: Wade going out in style.
Sadly, I just don't think it's going to happen.
And for his sake - it won't be enough...:cry:
:scram:
