Philadelphia emergency rooms deal with onslaught of "handstoheaditis"

[InParcellsWetrust]

The chronic infliction: "Handstoheaditis"


Apparently this relatively new medical phenomenon has swept through the city Philadelphia like a plague.

The symptoms are all remarkably similar - a patient presents himself to an emergency room physician with his hands permanently attached to the top of his head.

A look of terror, pain and agony is also permanently affixed to his face - and hundreds of head hairs have been forcibly yanked from the scalp.

Doctor's estimate it can take up to 6 hours to surgically remove the hands from the scalp - as often-times the patient's fingernails have dug several inches into the skull.

Here is an example:

Philadelphia surgeon Mark Watkins estimates that as long as Philadelphia sports fans continue to get dragged to the brink of championships - only to have the bottom cruelly and painfully pulled out from under them - the "handtoheaditis" syndrom will continue.

Especially if it is a Tampa team!

Watkins predicts that if the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were to defeat the Eagles in next year's NFC Championship - a state of "handstoheaditis" federal emergency would need to be declared in the entire state of Pennsylvania.

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[InParcellsWetrust]

I found that on the Tampa Bay Board and thought everyone here would get a chuckle out of it

 

[TheDuke]

that's a good find man

 

[Armageden Eagle]

The chronic infliction: "Handstoheaditis"


Apparently this relatively new medical phenomenon has swept through the city Philadelphia like a plague.

The symptoms are all remarkably similar - a patient presents himself to an emergency room physician with his hands permanently attached to the top of his head.

A look of terror, pain and agony is also permanently affixed to his face - and hundreds of head hairs have been forcibly yanked from the scalp.

Doctor's estimate it can take up to 6 hours to surgically remove the hands from the scalp - as often-times the patient's fingernails have dug several inches into the skull.

Here is an example:

Philadelphia surgeon Mark Watkins estimates that as long as Philadelphia sports fans continue to get dragged to the brink of championships - only to have the bottom cruelly and painfully pulled out from under them - the "handtoheaditis" syndrom will continue.

Especially if it is a Tampa team!

Watkins predicts that if the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were to defeat the Eagles in next year's NFC Championship - a state of "handstoheaditis" federal emergency would need to be declared in the entire state of Pennsylvania.

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[/QUOTE]


I realize that this is your site, therefore I feel obligated to ask why you feel that second place is a "choking" placement?

Before we engage in any trash talk...

NOTE TO CB MODERATOR: If there's a moderator in the House, request your permission to give my diagnosis to this Dallas Cowboy fan (I know the rules)? I'll wait for your reply before I prescribe any medication to this obviously talented scholar of TROLLOLOGY (very little if any disrespect intended!)

 

[Tio]

I realize that this is your site, therefore I feel obligated to ask why you feel that second place is a "choking" placement?

Before we engage in any trash talk...

NOTE TO CB MODERATOR: If there's a moderator in the House, request your permission to give my diagnosis to this Dallas Cowboy fan (I know the rules)? I'll wait for your reply before I prescribe any medication to this obviously talented scholar of TROLLOLOGY (very little if any disrespect intended!)[/QUOTE]
Thats the problem with Egirl fans. They seem to think a season without the championship is succesful. Tell me this, will anyone think of a team that came close as a great team? NO!!!

BTW...
You don't need to ask a mod if you can talk smack in the smack talk forum, as long as you don't do anything innapropriate. We accept opposing homers as long as they don't cross any lines(see AJM)

 

[Armageden Eagle]

I realize that this is your site, therefore I feel obligated to ask why you feel that second place is a "choking" placement?

Before we engage in any trash talk...

NOTE TO CB MODERATOR: If there's a moderator in the House, request your permission to give my diagnosis to this Dallas Cowboy fan (I know the rules)? I'll wait for your reply before I prescribe any medication to this obviously talented scholar of TROLLOLOGY (very little if any disrespect intended!)

Thats the problem with Egirl fans. They seem to think a season without the championship is succesful. Tell me this, will anyone think of a team that came close as a great team? NO!!!

BTW...
You don't need to ask a mod if you can talk smack in the smack talk forum, as long as you don't do anything innapropriate. We accept opposing homers as long as they don't cross any lines(see AJM)[/QUOTE]

That may be true for you and your brother fanatics (that's an extension of the word fan), but I'm not trying to get banned, for defending my team. Take a look at some of my responses; I may stick my toe over the line, but I quickly pull it back!

Now let's talk about you inability to pronounce EAGLE fans (Egirl fans) SIC. That's an innocent flaw from a Dallas Cowboy fan -- I'll not waste my time on that smack talk. But your other comment ..."They seem to think a season without the championship is succesful (SIC). Tell me this, will anyone think of a team that came close as a great team?" ...that reeks of cow manure. The answer is yes, when you're talking about the EAGLES! Believe we may have the solution to our
"close, but no championship" syndrome. Let's wait until the season starts and discuss this at length -- I won't forget!

http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/iy/62/6aa3e5e1d454b280e9fdc58810b2eb_sm.gif