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Chianca: Bunny you should mention it
By Peter Chianca/ At Large
Thursday, March 24, 2005
As you may know, I don't like to use this column to advance my own personal agendas. You'll recall the time I started the campaign to ban beets, which, frankly, did not end well.
Still, I'm prepared to go out on a limb on this one: The Easter Bunny has got to go. Yes, I know what you're wondering: Whyshouldn't the holiest day on the Christian calendar be represented by a 7-foot-tall pink rabbit, who may or may not be wearing a vest? Well, for the same reason that people shouldn't ever marry Charlie Sheen - because it makes no sense.
After all, I'm no theologian, but I'm relatively certain there's nothing in the New Testament about bunnies. If there were, Mel Gibson would have made sure we knew about it. And given the general overall seriousness of Easter in the Christian scheme of things, it seems all the odder: It's like if on Yom Kippur, Jews the world over solemnly atoned for their sins, right after lining up to visit a giant purple aardvark named "Kippy."
(Ironically, I read recently that some people have complained about public Easter bunny appearances, on the grounds that he's a "religious figure." I'm sure the Founding Fathers would be relieved to know that, 216 years later, the Constitution is still keeping giant fake rabbits out of the public schools.)
But beyond the religious implications - since I'm sure I've already lost those readers who find that religion, liked "Touched by an Angel," makes them itchy - I guess I've just never gotten the whole bunny concept. Unlike Santa, whose method of propulsion is well documented, the bunny seems terribly ill equipped for the task at hand. If you've ever been to the Topsfield Fair, you know most rabbits have trouble setting goals more complicated than eating celery and assaulting young children's fingertips.
That's not even mentioning the increasingly lavish Easter gifts ostensibly left by said rabbit these days, like video games and bicycles. This is in marked contrast to what I got in my Easter basket as a kid, namely, a hollow chocolate bunny and enough shredded green cellophane to choke an artificial cow.
In fact, I should mention that my animus toward the Easter Bunny could actually be the result of childhood trauma. I have very vivid memories of being plopped on the rabbit's lap in the days before Easter bunnies tended to be as coifed and nattily dressed as they are today - back then they seemed to be made from old felt that had been stored in the back room of a Bingo hall. (That's right ... The '70s were a rough time for more than just pants and carpeting.)
These days the bunnies look better, although that doesn't make them easier to take for children like my son Tim, who's 3 and relishes the idea of getting up close and personal with a giant rabbit even less than he likes spending face time with Santa Claus. Whom he loves writing letters to, but in person considers a big, scary, bearded freak. I'm paraphrasing.
Regardless, it seems to me we need to nip the Easter Bunny thing in the bud - I noticed this year he's even going to the Saugus Iron Works (which at this point will do anything to get people to come, just shy of giving out hand-crafted iron Lamborghinis). I'm not saying you have to go to church or anything, but please: Just say no to the bunny.
And while you're at it, enough with the beets.
Peter Chianca is a managing editor for Community Newspaper Company. To receive his column by e-mail every week, write to info@chianca-at-large.com, with the subject line "SUBSCRIBE." And visit the At Large blog at chianca-at-large.blogspot.com.
By Peter Chianca/ At Large
Thursday, March 24, 2005
As you may know, I don't like to use this column to advance my own personal agendas. You'll recall the time I started the campaign to ban beets, which, frankly, did not end well.
Still, I'm prepared to go out on a limb on this one: The Easter Bunny has got to go. Yes, I know what you're wondering: Whyshouldn't the holiest day on the Christian calendar be represented by a 7-foot-tall pink rabbit, who may or may not be wearing a vest? Well, for the same reason that people shouldn't ever marry Charlie Sheen - because it makes no sense.
After all, I'm no theologian, but I'm relatively certain there's nothing in the New Testament about bunnies. If there were, Mel Gibson would have made sure we knew about it. And given the general overall seriousness of Easter in the Christian scheme of things, it seems all the odder: It's like if on Yom Kippur, Jews the world over solemnly atoned for their sins, right after lining up to visit a giant purple aardvark named "Kippy."
(Ironically, I read recently that some people have complained about public Easter bunny appearances, on the grounds that he's a "religious figure." I'm sure the Founding Fathers would be relieved to know that, 216 years later, the Constitution is still keeping giant fake rabbits out of the public schools.)
But beyond the religious implications - since I'm sure I've already lost those readers who find that religion, liked "Touched by an Angel," makes them itchy - I guess I've just never gotten the whole bunny concept. Unlike Santa, whose method of propulsion is well documented, the bunny seems terribly ill equipped for the task at hand. If you've ever been to the Topsfield Fair, you know most rabbits have trouble setting goals more complicated than eating celery and assaulting young children's fingertips.
That's not even mentioning the increasingly lavish Easter gifts ostensibly left by said rabbit these days, like video games and bicycles. This is in marked contrast to what I got in my Easter basket as a kid, namely, a hollow chocolate bunny and enough shredded green cellophane to choke an artificial cow.
In fact, I should mention that my animus toward the Easter Bunny could actually be the result of childhood trauma. I have very vivid memories of being plopped on the rabbit's lap in the days before Easter bunnies tended to be as coifed and nattily dressed as they are today - back then they seemed to be made from old felt that had been stored in the back room of a Bingo hall. (That's right ... The '70s were a rough time for more than just pants and carpeting.)
These days the bunnies look better, although that doesn't make them easier to take for children like my son Tim, who's 3 and relishes the idea of getting up close and personal with a giant rabbit even less than he likes spending face time with Santa Claus. Whom he loves writing letters to, but in person considers a big, scary, bearded freak. I'm paraphrasing.
Regardless, it seems to me we need to nip the Easter Bunny thing in the bud - I noticed this year he's even going to the Saugus Iron Works (which at this point will do anything to get people to come, just shy of giving out hand-crafted iron Lamborghinis). I'm not saying you have to go to church or anything, but please: Just say no to the bunny.
And while you're at it, enough with the beets.
Peter Chianca is a managing editor for Community Newspaper Company. To receive his column by e-mail every week, write to info@chianca-at-large.com, with the subject line "SUBSCRIBE." And visit the At Large blog at chianca-at-large.blogspot.com.