Beauty Contest

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by FoldedSpace, Jul 3, 2006.

  1. FoldedSpace

    FoldedSpace Member

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    ROMOSAPIEN9 Proud Grandpa

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  3. Yeagermeister

    Yeagermeister Active Member

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  4. Juke99

    Juke99 ...Abbey someone

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    Oh my, :eek: I'll take Grossberger from "Stir Crazy"
  5. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Backwoods Sexy Staff Member

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    Well he does have a nice singing voice. :D
  6. bbgun

    bbgun Benched

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    Megan shanked me in the shower.
  7. FoldedSpace

    FoldedSpace Member

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    At the official July 7 close of voting for Hawkeye Hoosegow Honey of the Year, with 5000 votes tallied, Jesika was coasting to an apparent comfortable win; she had attracted 20.3% of the vote and 65 bonus points for her $65,000 bond.

    Then, all hell broke loose. A last-minute Boing-a-lanche resulted in a tidal wave of late ballots from every corner of the globe. According to my visitor stats the Hoosegow gals have apparently made Iowahawk the Baywatch of the Blogosphere, with an especially intense fan base in Hungary, for some reason. Weird, but why knock it? If inexplicable Euro-stardom is good enough for David Hasselhoff, it's good enough for me.

    But it left me with a dilemma: what to do with the 12,000 extra ballots that were cast after the deadline, many from foreigners, with questionable chads? As a strong believer in participatory democracy, Florida Supreme Court legal theory, and milking a premise for all it's worth, I have decided to include all of the votes. And the winner is....

    JESIKA! With 3,342 votes (20.6%) and 65 bonus bail points, this alleged perp-next-door was the clear people's choice. I will also give a special mention to Tammi, who, in the initial flood from Boing-Boing, became the only participant ever to lead Jesika late in the race. In the talent portion of the contest, Erica was the clear champion with a $270,000 bond; and by acclaimation I am awarding Miss Congeniality to April, the girl who can turn the world on with her smile.

    But in my book, all of these girls deserve an award to go along with their constitutional presumption of innocence. To the runners-up I say better luck next year, if you somehow find yourself arrested again. And to Jesika, Miss Hawkeye Hoosegow Honey of 2006, I place the tiara and sing:

    There she is, isn't she sweet,
    A vision in orange, from her head to her feet,
    She makes me want to get drunk and do something stupid,
    To get tasered and night-sticked and zip-cuffed by Officer Cupid!
    Take me to love's prison and throw out the key,
    In a cell next to Miss Hoosegow Honey!

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