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Funerals can be funny...

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by Signals, Mar 5, 2008.

  1. Signals

    Signals Suspicious looking stranger

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    A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
    covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

    Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
    The heart then closed, sealing the Doctor in the Beautiful heart
    forever.

    At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
    stared at him, he said, 'I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
    funeral...I'm a gynecologist.'

    That's when the proctologist fainted.

    :D
  2. WoodysGirl

    WoodysGirl Do it for the Vine! Staff Member

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    oh my... :laugh2:
  3. the kid 05

    the kid 05 Individuals play the game, but teams beat the odds

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    haha thast a good one star
  4. jwhardin

    jwhardin Member

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    Proctoligist was walking down the hospital hallway when a nurse said, "Dr why do you have a rectal thermometer behind your ear". The Dr replied, "Oh no, some butthole has got my pencil".
  5. Hostile

    Hostile Tacos are a good investment Zone Supporter

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  6. Signals

    Signals Suspicious looking stranger

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  7. the kid 05

    the kid 05 Individuals play the game, but teams beat the odds

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  8. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Brotherhood of the Beard Staff Member

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  9. Yeagermeister

    Yeagermeister Active Member

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    No more sheep stories please :D
  10. 5Stars

    5Stars Here comes the Sun...

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  11. DallasFanSince86

    DallasFanSince86 Pessimism Sucks

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  12. silverbear

    silverbear Semi-Official Loose Cannon

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    You're not trying to insinuate that Hos loves ewe??
  13. Hostile

    Hostile Tacos are a good investment Zone Supporter

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    Side story about this story. I hope it will be almost as funny. About 10 years ago my wife and I went to a party. There were 6 couples at this party and the hostess describes a game we are going to play called Liar, Liar. You had to answer 2 questions with 1 line. One of them was "what was your most embarrassing moment?" Naturally I answered, "when I was a pallbearer and fell into the grave."

    The rules of this game were simple. The person who it was about had their name on the card that was drawn out of a hat. That person it actually happened to and 2 other people were picked to be the "liars" except one of you is actually telling the truth. So the rest of the people could ask you questions about the circumstances.

    One of the answers was, "the time I got thrown in jail." I got picked to go be a liar and before anyone tells one detail everyone in the room is already guessing that it was me. I was a little disturbed that everyone immediately assumed I was guilty.

    Even though it wasn't my story I told another funny story about when I actually did get arrested for grand theft auto. I'll quickly explain. I didn't actually steal a car. A buddy of mine was at a girl's house and we saw his VW van parked out front. So a bunch of us (my idea) decided to put it in neutral and push it around to the side of the house hoping he'd think it was stolen. Well, some of her neighbors saw us breaking in and called the cops. About the time my butt hit the seat of his van the cops came from every direction.

    Well, the other guys all took off running so I did too. I was way behind at first but I was a heck of a lot faster than those guys and I caught them about the time they ran into an alley. I was thinking it was dumb to run into the alley (but smart to run right) but I followed them anyway. I came out of the alley with my hands up when 2 squad cars blocked the path, and I was arrested. After telling the Police what we were actually up to they lined us up in the girl's front yard in handcuffs and my buddy identified us and declined to press charges. Not before letting us twist in the wind a little bit. There is a lot more to this story, but it would take too long.

    So I tell that story and when it's time to vote the entire group of people picked me as the actual person whose most embarrassing moment was getting arrested. Even my wife. I fooled my own wife. So when my buddy Art (an absolutely crazy guy) admits the story was actually his one of the other wives says, "Mike, your story had to be real." I admitted it was. So, she goes on, "you have a more embarrassing moment than that?" My time was still to come.

    So my story finally got picked. I'm sitting in the middle chair and the hostess reads my answer about falling into the grave. The other 2 liars both started cracking up laughing and without a single word of lies being told the whole room knows this is my story. One of the other 2 guys, Rob, could not get his composure. So without ever playing the game I had to tell the whole story. Rob interjects that he would have crapped his pants. The guy on the other side of me who also started laughing and ruined his chances of lying said, "no that was my most embarrassing moment." That was the answer he had given to the question and had to tell about having diarrhea at work and not making it to the bathroom before he had an accident.

    The whole dang house is laughing so hard we had to end the game. No one could regain their composure. To this day, Rob will sometimes simply look at me, remember that story, and start laughing.
  14. Yeagermeister

    Yeagermeister Active Member

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    No that's BP :D
  15. DallasFanSince86

    DallasFanSince86 Pessimism Sucks

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    :laugh2:

    That was a good story also.
  16. big dog cowboy

    big dog cowboy THE BIG DOG Staff Member

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  17. Chief

    Chief "Friggin Joke Monkey"

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    Suppressed laughter is an awesome, powerful force.

    George Carlin used to talk about it and used a funeral as an example of being at a place where you're trying to suppress laughter.

    A few years ago at the graveside ceremony of my grandfather's funeral, there were about 150 people huddled around the pastor, the casket, etc. During the prayer, the quietness was interrupted by the loudest, most awful sounding stomach noise I've ever heard.

    I never found out who it was, but I have an idea it was one of my female cousins. I can't even describe the sound -- it didn't even sound human. And there's no way it should have been that loud. It was like a toilet flushing.

    The sound was so disturbing and the timing so perfect that it made for a weird, dangerous moment. Busting out laughing wouldn't have been appropriate, but it was all I could do to hold it in.
  18. DallasFanSince86

    DallasFanSince86 Pessimism Sucks

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    :lmao:
  19. Yeagermeister

    Yeagermeister Active Member

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    Chief I know what you mean about surpressed laughter.

    This has nothing to do with a funeral but it was still funny.

    When I was in the military our 1st Sgt (yes I know I spelled it wrong) was always the one to pin on your rank when you got promoted. He would leave the backs off the pins and punch them in to your shoulder. This day we had four or five guys get promoted and the 1st Sgt was doing his usual thing. All of them handled it well until the last guy. When he punched them in the guy let out a squeal and everyone in formation including his squad leader standing behind him was biting our tongues to keep from laughing. Once we were dismissed everyone :lmao: . I don't think he ever lived that down.
  20. Kangaroo

    Kangaroo Active Member

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    The good ole blood rank :lmao2:

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