1. Welcome to CowboysZone!  Join us!  Come on!  You know you want to!

The Difference in Party Affiliations...

Discussion in 'Political Zone' started by irvin88, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. irvin88

    irvin88 Active Member

    1,668 Messages
    0 Likes Received
    A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.


    The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat.


    The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, honey! How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. "On my bill," he said.


    As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.


    Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.


    Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me! I'm collecting disability."
  2. burmafrd

    burmafrd Well-Known Member

    41,808 Messages
    1,674 Likes Received
    Actually the Republican should be identified as a conservative and the democrat as a Liberal. Not all republicans are conservative nor all democrats liberals. Just the majority of each party.
  3. jrumann59

    jrumann59 Well-Known Member

    4,234 Messages
    404 Likes Received
    The dem should have also said, "You can't touch me until Allah, Buddah, etc are here to touch me it would only be fair."
  4. jterrell

    jterrell Penguinite

    19,885 Messages
    1,478 Likes Received
    "Conservo-speak"

    "Sound Jurisprudence" = court rulings conservatives like
    "Judicial Activism" = court rulings conservatives hate

    "Special Interests" = lobbiests conservatives don't like
    "Industry Spokesmen = lobbiests on the conservative payroll

    "Law and Order" = government enforcing laws conservatives like
    "Government Interference" = laws conservatives don't like

    "Runaway Litigation" = lawsuits against big business
    "Tort Reform" = legal protection for big business

    "Refugees" = boat people conservatives like
    "Illegal Immigrants" = boat people conservatives hate

    "Faith-based Organization" = religions conservatives like
    "Cults" = religious movements conservative disapprove of

    "Democracies" = foreign governments conservatives (and their sheep in the
    mainstream media) like
    "Regimes" = foreign governments conservatives (and their sheep in the
    mainstream media) don't like

    "Militia leaders" = armed locals with conservative ideas
    "Warlords" = armed foreigners who frighten conservatives

    "Protection of Strategic Interest" = US interventionism
    "Violation of Sovereign Boundaries" = when anyone else does it

    "Welfare Queen" = federal handouts to people
    "Vital Subsidy" = federal handouts to corporations

    "Public Servant" = conservative congressmen
    "Career Politician" = liberal congressmen

    "Regrettable incident" = scandal involving a Republican
    "Failure of liberal values" = scandal involving a Democrat

    "Stock Market collapse" = share price slide under a Democratic president
    "Market Correction" = share price slide under a Republican president

    "Concerned Scientist" = an expert conservatives agree with
    "Environmental Extremist" = an expert liberals agree with

    "Unemployment" = people out of work under Democratic Administrations
    "Labor surpluses" = people out of work under Republican Administrations

    "Team Player" = a Republican Senate Majority Leader or House Speaker
    during a Republican administration
    "Obstructionist" = a Democratic Senate Majority Leader or House Speaker
    during a Republican administration

    "Consulting Fee" = When a Republican legislator gets cash from an
    interested organization
    "Bribe" = When a Democrat legislator gets cash from an interested
    organization

    "Resolute" = a conservative blundering ahead when all evidence points to
    his/her chosen course being completely wrong
    "Waffling" = a liberal displaying thoughtfulness or weighing all the
    options

    "Meltdown" = a liberal who delivers a scathing speech against a member
    of the opposition
    "Tears _____ a new one" = a conservative who delivers a scathing speech
    against a member of the opposition

    "Naked Aggression" = When a country conservatives don't like invades
    another country
    "Pre-emptive Self Defense = When a country conservatives like invades
    another country

    "No Mandate" = When an incumbent Democratic president wins by a small
    margin
    "Winning Handily" = When an incumbent Republican president wins by the
    smallest margin in history

    "Enforcing the will of the people" = When a Republican politician pushes an
    issue the public at large agrees with
    "Exhibiting political courage" = When a Republican politician pushes an
    issue the public at large doesn't agree with

    "Debt under a Democratic president" = Fiscally irresponsible
    "Debt under a Republican president that's even larger" = Fiscally conservative

    "Old News" = Any Republican scandal that's never been fully investigated and/or
    prosecuted
    "Serious Unresolved Issue" = Any Democratic scandal that's never been fully
    investigated and/or prosecuted
  5. jterrell

    jterrell Penguinite

    19,885 Messages
    1,478 Likes Received
    A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A REPUBLICAN
    By John Gray

    Joe gets up at 6:00am to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot
    full of good clean drinking water because some liberal fought for
    minimum water quality standards.

    He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His
    medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure
    their safety and work as advertised.

    All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employers
    medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their
    employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too. He prepares
    his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to
    eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing
    industry.

    Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo; His bottle is
    properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents
    because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting
    on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and
    takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree-
    hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our
    air.

    He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride to
    work; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
    fees. You see, some liberal fought for affordable public
    transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
    contributor.

    Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with excellent pay,
    medicals benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some
    liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.
    Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't
    want his employees to call the union.

    If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get a worker
    compensation or unemployment check because some liberal didn't think
    he should loose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

    It's noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some
    bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
    liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who
    ruined the banking system before the depression.

    Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below
    market federal student loan because some stupid liberal decided that
    Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
    earned more money over his lifetime.

    Joe is home from work, he plans to visit his father this evening at
    his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to
    dad's; his car is among the safest in the world because some liberal
    fought for car safety standards.

    He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live
    in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers
    didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric until
    some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and
    demanded rural electrification. (Those rural Republicans would still
    be sitting in the dark)

    He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social
    Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could
    take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad
    he gets back in his car for the ride home.

    He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals
    are bad and conservatives are good (He doesn't tell Joe that his
    beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit
    Joe enjoys throughout his day). Joe agrees, "We don't need those big
    government liberals ruining our lives; after all, I'm a self-made man
    who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I
    have."
  6. burmafrd

    burmafrd Well-Known Member

    41,808 Messages
    1,674 Likes Received
    Amazed at the amount of effort you put into your bile. You really need to chill out and relax a little bit or you will stroke out.
  7. Rackat

    Rackat Active Member

    2,134 Messages
    0 Likes Received
    George once said, after the new constitution established a president with powers unheard of in the republican United States that some wanted him to be king, a thought that George found ludicrous: "What astonishing changes a few years are capable of producing! I am told that even respectable characters speak of a monarchical form of government without horror. From thinking proceeds speaking, thence to acting is often but a single step. But how irrevocable and tremendous! What a triumph for the advocates of despotism to find that we are incapable of governing ourselves, and that systems founded on the basis of equal liberty are merely ideal & fallacious!"

    Harry once said "The buck stops here."

    John A. once said "Abuse of words has been the great instrument of sophistry and chicanery, of party, faction, and division of society.

    Thomas once said "Dependence begets subservience and venality, suffocates the germ of virtue, and prepares fit tools for the designs of ambition."

    John F. once said "If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity."

    Abe once said "A house divided against itself cannot stand."

    Bill once said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

    George W.B. once said "You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.

    I think over the years we have lost something in our presdients. No matter their party affiliation.
  8. BrAinPaiNt

    BrAinPaiNt Bad Santa Staff Member

    61,243 Messages
    4,572 Likes Received
    :laugh1: I like the joke.

    However the republican and the Libertarian would not buy a drink for the guy...they would have said he should pay for it himself as a part of Self responsibility and nobody gets a handout. Plus they probably would have called him a hippy who needs to get a job.:p:
  9. jterrell

    jterrell Penguinite

    19,885 Messages
    1,478 Likes Received
    The Repub would definitely try to buy good will with Jesus; now did he not know it was Jesus he would have demanded the long haired bum be kicked out... lol.

    It was pretty funny tho.

    No matter which side you are on the extremes of either are pretty comical.

    Long as we all recognize there is tick for tack I think we'll be fine:)
  10. Ben_n_austin

    Ben_n_austin Benched

    2,898 Messages
    3 Likes Received
    :lmao2::lmao:

Share This Page