Todd Wright:A new year often brings predictions and resolutions

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  1. Cbz40

    Cbz40 The Grand Poobah

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    Things you won’t see happen in the NFC in 2006
    By Todd Wright
    Dec. 30, 2005

    A new year often brings predictions and resolutions about things one will do or see, given the simple incentive of a fresh calendar.

    People are no different from football teams and next year is a new or another opportunity for them to also change for the better.

    Some attempt to predict things you will see in 2006.

    Instead, here are some predictions of things you won’t see starting Jan. 1 from the 16 member franchises of the NFL’s National Football Conference:

    Arizona — Thousands of sun-scorched empty seats. No, it’s not that the team will be worth watching or the weather will change. It’s just a new stadium where the field will move more consistently than the Cardinals’ running game.

    Atlanta — Jim Mora tolerates another year of being one of the lowest-ranked run defenses in the league or the suddenly immature antics recently shown by Michael Vick.

    Carolina — The organization foots the bill for the entire cheerleading squad to make the annual trip to division-rival Tampa Bay.

    Chicago — While waiting in a halftime line for a urinal, Cadillac Club members/fans complain amongst themselves that Lovie Smith needs to make the switch to Kyle Orton at quarterback.

    Dallas — Anyone named William Cundiff permitted to put his right foot to ball anywhere, anytime in the DFW Metroplex including Punt, Pass and Kick exhibitions.

    Detroit — “With the seventh pick in the 2006 NFL draft, the Detroit Lions select...(insert top available wide receiver’s name and school here)” — Commissioner Paul Tagliabue.

    Green Bay — Brett Favre throws a league-leading number of interceptions. Yet, here’s hoping there are some picks thrown since that would mean he didn’t retire.

    Minnesota — In an attempt to reach out and connect more with its fan base, new Vikings ownership sets up an offseason Caribbean cruise vacation where fans can get “up close and personal” with their favorite players.

    New Orleans — The Saints return to Baton Rouge for an early-season game against Carolina and Panthers WR Steve Smith has a big bowl of gumbo the night before the contest.

    New York Giants — After a 35-20 win over the Redskins, where he had 13 catches for 242 yards and two touchdowns, Plaxico Burress complains he’s getting the ball too much.

    Philadelphia — Terrell Owens and Donovan McNabb kiss and make up over a dinner at Andy Reid’s house where Mama McNabb is serving a big bowl of Chunky Soup to fill them up right.

    St. Louis — Mike Martz coaching, Marshall Faulk running, Isaac Bruce catching, etc.

    San Francisco — Mike Nolan walks the sidelines in a suit and tie and watches Alex Smith throw for 337 yards with no turnovers in the season opener.

    Seattle — A better chance of winning a conference and league championship than the team had the previous year.

    Tampa Bay — Sensing a return to 1970s fashion styles, the Glazer family not only approves of the Bucs wearing the old orange and red Bucco Bruce logo uniforms but makes the switch permanent.

    Washington — Mad scientist/defensive coordinator Gregg Williams is back with the Redskins as an assistant to Joe Gibbs rather than become head coach in Houston or St. Louis.

    Happy New Year!

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