A Note For Every Parent Out There

[Hostile]

I know I may get blasted for this, but if it helps one person, it is worth it.

If you ever have really strong feelings about something regarding one of your kid's friends, don't keep it inside. As painful as it may be to talk to your kids about those feelings, do it.

My oldest daughter had a boy who was pursuing her and as a Dad I feel it was rather aggressively. She was dating another boy, a friend of this kid Josh. It wasn't stopping Josh from dropping little hints about once her boyfriend was out of the way.

One night a few months ago my daughter was headed to an activity and I had this overwhelming dread about this kid Josh. My wife told me if I felt that strongly to call her.

I finally did and I told her I never wanted her to ever be alone with Josh. My daughter told her boyfriend and he backed me up. He too said he never wanted her to be alone with him. This is his friend. If I told you how much I am rooting for that young man to one day be my son-in-law after he backed me up I hope you won't be all shocked.

That young man has gone to Africa for 2 years. He wants to one day work for the United Nations and he is going to be in Benin, Africa learning French and some other dialects. He left on March 7th. Before he left he told my daughter to never date Josh. They have pretty much broken up because halfway around the world doesn't work in a relationship. Better that way because they are both only 19.

The day he was out of the picture this Josh text messaged my daughter at 1 in the morning that he had broken up with his girlfriend and so they were both "losers." A word she had used to describe herself on Facebook after her break up.

As a Dad I could see the worm on the hook and this boy trying to reel her in. I warned her again and I have kept warning her. If you feel strongly, please do the same.

My daughter's boyfriend hasn't even been gone a month and Josh is in jail arrested on 2 counts of sexual assault and 1 count of kidnapping. Can you say date rape?

Please, for your kids, if you feel strongly...talk to them. I did and right now I am one grateful Dad and somewhere in Tucson there is a Dad who is in hell because his little girl was with the wrong person.

 

[SDogo]

grrr, father of 3 takes this to heart!

Thanks Hos!

 

[YosemiteSam]

I'm very direct when I talk to our kids about things that can cause them trouble. My wife hates it. She thinks I'm to blunt with subjects and I'm just trying to scare them or something. Then she on the other hands likes to make meek conversation that either doesn't really get her point across, or doesn't emphasize the magnitude of what she is telling them. It takes our kids making a serious mistake and my wife losing it (going ballistic on them) before they actually get the point. When she loses it, she is 50x worse than I am.

Hos is right. If there is something you have a problem with, by all means tell them. While telling them might not prevent them from making an error in judgement, but it damn well might.

The point I bring up is, be direct with them about it. Don't skirt the issue and hope your kids take the meaning seriously.

 

[Wimbo]

I agree wholeheartedly, Hos. I will say this, though... in order for your words to matter to your teen/twenty year old daughter, you have to have a real relationship. That starts when they are young. Watch this message from Josh McDowell on the importance of a Father's relationship with his kids. This was filmed at my church, but the message is valid regardless of your faith (or lack thereof). It is quite eye-opening. After the first couple of minutes of opening remarks directed to the people there, he starts his message. Worth the time to watch for all dads.

If someone talking about the Bible gets under your skin, jump forward to about 5:50 into the video.

http://gfc.tv/snellville/relationships-that-transform/

 

[Dallas]

I have it easy because mine is a boy, but I totally understand where you are coming from.

I keep mine on a short leash and if his friends don't pass the smell test w/ me, he isn't allowed to run with them.

I am so thankful I am not raising a girl in todays society. Some baaad boys out there running around.

Parents don't care anymore to be involved and things like sexual assaults and rape and jail are common.

I read about it all of the time.

I hate to go OT here but this reminded me of a story I watched yesterday on I Survived, a BIO.hd network show.

This victim was 13 years old when she left a school dance in NO, LA. It was about 8pm and her little bf walked her to the bus stop to ride the bus 9 blocks to her home. She said she was fine and that the bus was on its way so she said her bf left to go home.

After he left 2 older guys in their late teens came up to her and grabbed her and said they had a gun. They forced her to a nearby football field where they each took turns raping her. After they were finished they had her count to 100 and said they would shoot her if she stopped early. She got to 100 and collected her broken body and clothes and started painfully walking home. She got within 1 block of her home and an older scraggly man saw her and forced her into an alley into a shed, where he raped her for 2 more hours and bragged how he had raped and killed a lady in that same spot not 6 months before. He ran off after he was done and she stumbled home to her mother. Her mom and sister had been out looking for her and immediately took her to the police station and hospital. About 4 days later she was riding in the car with her mom on her street and saw the man. They grabbed a pay phone and called the police who came an arrested him.

The hospital called the next day. The man was HIV positive. This story is probably one of the worst storied I have ever heard about. I can't imagine the terror and emotions that little girl went through during it and growing up after it. Its hard to even think about it being a dad. It would be hard for me not to peel the skin of anyone who hurt my child. I would have to say I would do it in an instant if I was given the opportunity for retribution.

Keep your children close and be aware of all situations and never allow them in a place where things could get out of control. Prepare them for how evil people can be. Have them ready to run at the drop of a hat or learn to yell for help and never walk to close to cars or dark alleys. Always aware of their surroundings.

I preach it to my son all of the time. I can't imagine the no sleep I would get if I had girls.

Good Daddy, Hos!

 

[MetalHead]

I'm with you 100%.
My 14 year old already knows I'm hardcore no compromises when it comes to boys.
Shady characters will not be tolerated.
No excuses.
No exceptions.

 

[JonJon]

I don't see any reason why someone would blast you for this. I think any reasonable thinking father would agree that if you feel something is not right, you should make yourself be heard.

It's a good thing the situation worked out the way that it did and I hope your daughter loses all contact with that Josh guy.

 

[Zaxor]

funny I have 4 kids and I have had these feelings every once in awhile and I voice them to my kids and it has kept my kids out of trouble and harms way I think sometimes maybe I am being looked over by a benevolent spirit...great advice sometimes other people feel wrong and we can sense it.

 

[Bigdog]

As a father of twin daughters, I thank you for this and no one should blast you for posting it. You are protecting you kid as would any other parent would do. My daughters are young still but I dread the day they start dating. My friends keep telling me that they feel sorry for me because my daughters are good looking (get that from their mom). I keep telling my daughters that they are not allowed to date until I am dead-half heartedly joking. As one of my friends told his oldest daughter's boyfriend when he picked up for a date that whatever he does to his daughter, he will do to him.

 

[TellerMorrow34]

THanks for sharing that Hos.

As a father I have to admit I have zero problem with telling my kids who I don't like and why I don't want them around certain people.

I've been lucky that my kids are both really good kids, who listen to what I say when it comes to people, and they've done as I've asked thus far.

So I know what you're talking about here and I absolutely agree with you 100%. You can't have any worry about being the mean guy when it comes to this stuff. Tell your kids about it anytime you've got something that needs to be said.

 

[Hostile]

I don't see any reason why someone would blast you for this. I think any reasonable thinking father would agree that if you feel something is not right, you should make yourself be heard.

It's a good thing the situation worked out the way that it did and I hope your daughter loses all contact with that Josh guy.

Because it is me. Hard to explain, just something some idiots have cooked up in their heads and are wrong about. If I am not blasted here to my face you can bet your gonads it is on 2 other yellow streak up the back forums and behind my back. I am probably being called a liar and this is about garnering attention. No, it isn't and I can give a link to show the young man is in jail. That won't matter, because it is me.

 

[Hostile]

By the way, I have never met Josh. I just felt like something about him is really wrong. I was right.

 

[vta]

Sounds like good sense helped your family dodge a bullet. Thank God she has a father alert enough to help her with these things.

I only pray I'm able to discern the real problems facing my daughter every day. I imagine when she gets to that period of her life, I won't be giving anyone any kind of slack concerning her.

It's a lousy situation with that kid, and now someone else is going through that pain because of him. You don't by any chance know the victim or her family?

 

[CowboyMcCoy]

Wow..

 

[JonJon]

Because it is me. Hard to explain, just something some idiots have cooked up in their heads and are wrong about. If I am not blasted here to my face you can bets your gonads it is on 2 other yellow streak up the back forums. I am probably being called a liar and this is about garnering attention. No, it isn't and I can give a link to show the young man is in jail. That won't matter, because it is me.

Haters gonna hate. Too bad you cannot utilize the ignore feature...

 

[casmith07]

As a child of parents who used this approach, I have to say that it worked out pretty well for me.

I like to think that my judgment is pretty good and that I make generally good decisions.

I didn't always like that they wouldn't let me do this, or that they didn't approve of that, but in hindsight, they were only trying to help me develop a strong sense of good judgment and character.

If my dad is reading this (he might, if he trolls around as a lurker, lol) thanks, Pops.

 

[WV Cowboy]

This victim was 13 years old when she left a school dance in NO, LA. It was about 8pm and her little bf walked her to the bus stop to ride the bus 9 blocks to her home. She said she was fine and that the bus was on its way so she said her bf left to go home.

I totally cannot fathom letting your 13 yr old daughter leave a dance at 8pm and find her own way home alone, some 10 blocks away.

Even if the odds are a million to one of that happening to my daughter, I don't like those odds.

Instead of going out and looking for her when she didn't come home, her mother and sister should have just picked her up after the dance.

This should have never happened.

 

[Dallas]

I totally cannot fathom letting your 13 yr old daughter leave a dance at 8pm and find her own way home alone, some 10 blocks away.

Even if the odds are a million to one of that happening to my daughter, I don't like those odds.

Instead of going out and looking for her when she didn't come home, her mother and sister should have just picked her up after the dance.

This should have never happened.

I agree. That was the first thing I thought when they said her age and the time of night. Add to the fact the area of the city she was in.

It's like the family stuck a billboard to her and announced she would be unattended for the next few hours. Why would you allow your little girl to be unsupervised like that?

It's appalling.

 

[ologan]

By the way, I have never met Josh. I just felt like something about him is really wrong. I was right.

Always trust your instincts. No one will ever fault you for it, and your stand on the matter will stay with your daughter for the rest of her life. Maybe one day your stand will be the deciding factor in her trusting her instincts with one of her children....your future grandkids. Good job!

 

[Rynie]

Josh will have fun going to jail for sexual assault. Those people aren't well-received in the big house.