Aircraft Joke

[casmith07]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

 

[Wimbo]

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots ...
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Qantas Airlines equips their planes with targeting radar? Wicked cool.

 

[burmafrd]

those are great. Especially the last 5

 

[rkell87]

these were great....

when I first saw them in '04....

on my space

 

[yimyammer]

 

[Faerluna]

Have seen these before, but funny every time.

:laugh2:

 

[Clintlongley88]

:laugh1: :laugh1: :laugh1: :laugh1: :laugh1: :laugh1: :laugh1: :laugh1: :laugh1: lol

 

[ROMOSAPIEN9]

This isn't a joke, but it's a funny and true story about the same subject.


Back in the 70's the air traffic controllers at the international airport in Frankfurt Germany were very well known for being intolerant of pilots who didn't know exactly where to taxi and how to get to their assigned gate after landing. They were said to be very smarmy and rude. For those who don't know, apparently all that information is a part of the flight plan and they expected the pilots to know it. Whereas at most airports the pilots just radio the tower and get the taxi plans from the tower.

I'm paraphrasing here because I don't remember the exact wording of the conversation, but I do remember the last line exactly as I will never forget it. The convo goes something like this....

Pilot after landing: This is AA flight ???? requesting taxi directions to gate ????

Controller: Sir, that information is in your flight plan and you are expected to know it.

Pilot: Well, I don't have that info handy so if you could direct me that would be appreciated.

Controller: You need to know that information when you land in Germany. Have you ever flown in to Frankfurt before?

Pilot: Yes, once back in 1943. But I was in a different type of Boeing and we didn't land.

 

[trickblue]

I used to work with a former Air Force mechanic... he always found those funny...

Not sure if this is true, but it always makes me laugh...

This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.​

 

[ROMOSAPIEN9]

I used to work with a former Air Force mechanic... he always found those funny...

Not sure if this is true, but it always makes me laugh...

This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.​

I told my wife about the lighthouse story just a couple weeks ago while we were watching football.

Another good one!

:laugh2: