Amber Heard exscaped

[Reverend Conehead]

I had sent Amber Heard back in time to 1946 to be trapped in one of Stalin's gulags in Siberia. That way she can't stab her voodoo dolls in the present and make the Cowboys lose. It worked for the game against Atlanta, but she must have exscaped somehow and come back forward in time. She really trashed the game for us yesterday. I'd bet she buttered up one of the guards by flirting to get let out. I still don't know how she traveled forward in time to get back here.

Don't worry. I'm dedicated to my Cowboys. I'll capture her again and send her somewhere else back in time where she'll never exscape. I'm not sure where yet, but I'll think of something.

 

[BrAinPaiNt]

I don't know what is more concerning.

Amber's treatment of Johnny or your obsession with Amber.

I predict either a love triangle in the future...or a protection order.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

I don't know what is more concerning.

Amber's treatment of Johnny or your obsession with Amber.

I predict either a love triangle in the future...or a protection order.

I'm going to try that -- a protection order to prevent her from going anywhere near voodoo dolls. Thanks for the idea.

 

[nobody]

I'm going to try that -- a protection order to prevent her from going anywhere near voodoo dolls. Thanks for the idea.

Voodoo is a religion which is protected by the Constitution. Your plan will fail.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Voodoo is a religion which is protected by the Constitution. Your plan will fail.

Dang it. I may have to send her back in time again. However, I still haven't figured out how she managed to travel from back in time to the present. She's more resourceful than I thought.

 

[Oz-of-Cowboy-Country]

Dang it. I may have to send her back in time again. However, I still haven't figured out how she managed to travel from back in time to the present. She's more resourceful than I thought.

You need to quit being nice to this woman. Send her back to Hiroshima the morning of August 6, 1945. That'll get the job done.

If you don't do that then we'll know you secretly love her.

 

[csirl]

I had sent Amber Heard back in time to 1946 to be trapped in one of Stalin's gulags in Siberia. That way she can't stab her voodoo dolls in the present and make the Cowboys lose. It worked for the game against Atlanta, but she must have exscaped somehow and come back forward in time. She really trashed the game for us yesterday. I'd bet she buttered up one of the guards by flirting to get let out. I still don't know how she traveled forward in time to get back here.

Don't worry. I'm dedicated to my Cowboys. I'll capture her again and send her somewhere else back in time where she'll never exscape. I'm not sure where yet, but I'll think of something.

Maybe she didnt travel back in time. Maybe she simply waited the 75 years until today and is still alive as a very old woman. Think about it - we had a 1-15 season in 1989 when the gulags closed when the USSR fell apart!

 

[Birch_Wood]

Dang it. I may have to send her back in time again. However, I still haven't figured out how she managed to travel from back in time to the present. She's more resourceful than I thought.

Was it the DeLorean DMC-12?

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Maybe she didnt travel back in time. Maybe she simply waited the 75 years until today and is still alive as a very old woman. Think about it - we had a 1-15 season in 1989 when the gulags closed when the USSR fell apart!

You could be onto something. Maybe she's an evil demon who never ages and can lure men in by looking gorgeous. She's dangerous. Maybe I should have never tangled with her. I'm scared now.

 

[nobody]

You could be onto something. Maybe she's an evil demon who never ages and can lure men in by looking gorgeous. She's dangerous. Maybe I should have never tangled with her. I'm scared now.

Every time you send her back in time, you risk creating diverging timelines. With different timelines you can have multiple Ambers. So do you really want to risk multiple copies of you sending multiple copies of her back in time only to wind up having all of those Ambers in OUR time line by some freak chance?

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Every time you send her back in time, you risk creating diverging timelines. With different timelines you can have multiple Ambers. So do you really want to risk multiple copies of you sending multiple copies of her back in time only to wind up having all of those Ambers in OUR time line by some freak chance?

ACK! Help! I can't fight this evil woman. *curls up in a fetal position and sobs*

 

[Reverend Conehead]

ACK! Help! I can't fight this evil woman. *curls up in a fetal position and sobs*

I must apologize for my previous behavior. This war is sometimes overwhelming. I've meditated, and am not in a strong frame of mind again. I will continue to fight against the most evil woman in the world and her sinister plan to sabotage the Dallas Cowboys.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Yesterday I made my favorite chili for Thanksgiving (yes, I eat that for Thanksgiving, don't knock it). I let it slow cook all day to be ready for the game. Then after the first bite, I felt woozy and I blacked out. When I came to, I was in some weird basement with blacklights strapped in some Silence-of-the-Lambs cage. Amber Heard was sitting outside the cage laughing at me! How the @#$% did she spike my very own chili that I made myself. Anyway, she had the game on and a voodoo doll that represented the whole team. I didn't even know you could do that -- one voodoo doll to represent the whole team. Anyway, she kept stabbing it and making bad stuff happen like dropped passes, missed extra points or field goals, ref calls going the wrong way, etc. She tortured me the whole game. I pounded on the walls and screamed, but she only laughed at me.

I'm still trapped in her basement in that stinkin' cage. She said she's going to steal my time machine and go back in time and trash Dallas Cowboys history.

Help! Help! I gotta get out of here. Luckily, she forgot to take my smartphone, and I have a really good data plan, so I'm able to post this. I've got to exscape before she does any more damage. Amber should be gone back in time, so if someone could come over here and spring me, I'd really appreciate it. I'd bet there are ways of looking up online where she lives.

I know asking you to break into a Hollywood star's basement is asking a lot, but I don't think I can break out of here without your help. Thanks.

 

[nobody]

And risk her wrath? I think not, sir! Seduce her and marry her to distract her for the good of the Cowboys. Don't fight her. Redirect her. Godspeed, sir!

 

[Reverend Conehead]

And risk her wrath? I think not, sir! Seduce her and marry her to distract her for the good of the Cowboys. Don't fight her. Redirect her. Godspeed, sir!

Oh, crap. I never though it was my mission to replace Johnny Depp. I did develop some acting chops in college, so ...........

 

[nobody]

Oh, crap. I never though it was my mission to replace Johnny Depp. I did develop some acting chops in college, so ...........

I know it's a horror marrying her, but it's for the team. Thank you for your sacrifice.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

I know it's a horror marrying her, but it's for the team. Thank you for your sacrifice.

OMG, what am I getting myself into. You see how much I sacrifice for my team?