Reverend Conehead
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I was wondering why she seemed so quiet lately. Amber Heard hasn't been doing any time traveling lately. It's because she's been busy with other things. She's thawed out Walt Disney's brain from its crio-state and is hooking it up to this super strong android body. She's also been re-programming all those animatronics at Disneyland and Disney World to become soldiers of terror. Soon an 8-foot-tall cyborg Walt Disney will be leading his army of super drones Snow White, the Seven Dwarfs, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and many others with super tanks Heard has kept hidden in a major assault on Washington. He's leaving a huge path of destruction in his wake, and, if he wins, Cyborg Disney is appointing himself Emperor of America with the Empress Amber at his side. (Amber has always preferred older and taller men.)
Johnny Depp has already been secretly sworn in as commander of the US military to lead the defense against this inevitable assault. He can use your help. Whether you've served in the military before or not, I want you to show up to your nearest military recruiting station tomorrow, doesn't matter which branch, and say you're there to volunteer to fight against the Walt Disney Cyborg Army. They'll understand exactly what you mean. I'm signing up tomorrow myself. We've got to all pull together to stop this evil woman and her cyborg sycophant. Sign up and fight back before it's too late. What started out as an ordinary divorce has turned into a nationwide war, good versus evil. Volunteer to help Good-Guy Johnny defeat the Evil Amber. God bless America.
Johnny Depp has already been secretly sworn in as commander of the US military to lead the defense against this inevitable assault. He can use your help. Whether you've served in the military before or not, I want you to show up to your nearest military recruiting station tomorrow, doesn't matter which branch, and say you're there to volunteer to fight against the Walt Disney Cyborg Army. They'll understand exactly what you mean. I'm signing up tomorrow myself. We've got to all pull together to stop this evil woman and her cyborg sycophant. Sign up and fight back before it's too late. What started out as an ordinary divorce has turned into a nationwide war, good versus evil. Volunteer to help Good-Guy Johnny defeat the Evil Amber. God bless America.
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