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(AP)Washington
SCIENTISTS DISCOVER GENETIC LINK BETWEEN EAGLE & Commander FANS
The Journal of the American Moronic Association today is reporting a remarkable genetic connection between football fans of a pair NFC East teams. The link, long suspected but never proven, showed up over the past week as Eagle fans celebrated a unimpressive 4-0 start and Commander fans grieved over their loss to the Baltimore Ravens. Researchers say the primary indicator that tipped them off was the matching delusions of grandeur expressed by those fans on message boards.
The research shows that Eagle fans have lost their grip on reality in the wake of the 4-0 start and are using phrases such as, "run the table" and "Super bowl" in their posts.
"Not only have Eagle fans experienced a significant break with reality in general," said Professor Richard Weed, "Their loss of balance has them thinking they'll actually win the title game and go on to the SB"
The link to Washington showed up in the way Commander fans are still living and re-living one of their teams most glorious moments: Their great success and SB titles under former heavy weight coach Joe Gibbs. As Weed explains it, "For some odd reason the Commander break with reality comes in the form of a sort of time-warped reasoning skills. They can't get past that success and clearly believe that because they won all those years ago, they'll find a way to win more than 4 games this year"
Researchers were initially puzzled by the ability of both sets of fans to string together words in sentences that suggested intelligent thought. Later tests revealed that both Eagle and Commander fans weren't actually thinking before putting those words together...they were just, in the words of one scientist, "regurgitating phrases in an emotional display of frustration and anger."
As a result of this new research, scientists have moved both Eagle and Commander fans to a spot beneath Neanderthal man on the evolutionary chain.
SCIENTISTS DISCOVER GENETIC LINK BETWEEN EAGLE & Commander FANS
The Journal of the American Moronic Association today is reporting a remarkable genetic connection between football fans of a pair NFC East teams. The link, long suspected but never proven, showed up over the past week as Eagle fans celebrated a unimpressive 4-0 start and Commander fans grieved over their loss to the Baltimore Ravens. Researchers say the primary indicator that tipped them off was the matching delusions of grandeur expressed by those fans on message boards.
The research shows that Eagle fans have lost their grip on reality in the wake of the 4-0 start and are using phrases such as, "run the table" and "Super bowl" in their posts.
"Not only have Eagle fans experienced a significant break with reality in general," said Professor Richard Weed, "Their loss of balance has them thinking they'll actually win the title game and go on to the SB"
The link to Washington showed up in the way Commander fans are still living and re-living one of their teams most glorious moments: Their great success and SB titles under former heavy weight coach Joe Gibbs. As Weed explains it, "For some odd reason the Commander break with reality comes in the form of a sort of time-warped reasoning skills. They can't get past that success and clearly believe that because they won all those years ago, they'll find a way to win more than 4 games this year"
Researchers were initially puzzled by the ability of both sets of fans to string together words in sentences that suggested intelligent thought. Later tests revealed that both Eagle and Commander fans weren't actually thinking before putting those words together...they were just, in the words of one scientist, "regurgitating phrases in an emotional display of frustration and anger."
As a result of this new research, scientists have moved both Eagle and Commander fans to a spot beneath Neanderthal man on the evolutionary chain.
