SouthernStar
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Flash Forward
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
to 2007:
Dateline: Dallas, March, 2007
The Dallas Daily Rag
by Joe Schmoe
Free Agency Starts Tomorrow
(a few things to think about)
Where will Terrell Owens land?
Now a free agent after having been released by the Cowboys, Terrell Owens is looking for a team who will appreciate his talents. His disatisfaction with Jerry Jones, Bill Parcells, the players, the fans, the press, the ridiculously low number of passes thrown his way (456), and the poor tasting food on Dallas' training tables led Mr. Owens to demand a trade during the season last year.
He protested his poor treatment by dropping every pass that came his way. Finally, he was de-activated (week-to-week) for the remainder of the season, beginning in Week Three.
Will Dallas be Active in Free Agency?
Although the salary cap has risen to $109 million (an increase of $7 million), Dallas will take a cap hit of $10 million for releasing T.O. leaving them about $10 million short of most other NFL teams when the bidding begins.
Jerry Jones vows that this will not affect the team's plans to be aggressive, but he must first be released from the Happy Days Mental Institution before gathering with other team officials to configure an offseason strategy.
Will Parcell Stay?
It depends on how he responds to his medical treatment, as well as whether he can escape his troubles with the law. Currently being treated for depression, anger management, hemmorhoids, and hair loss, his psychiatrist says the outlook "doesn't bode very well".
Several times last season. Parcells was found wandering around aimlessly in local supermarkets, muttering something unintelligible about "groceries".
In addition, Mr. Parcells faces assault charges stemming from an incident in which he attempted to choke the living sh** out of Terrell Owens during training camp in California. The situation was further aggravated in August when Parcells attacked Owens in the locker room after a preseason game. Owens had complained that not enough passes were being thrown to him.
Box scores indicated that the Cowboys attempted 102 passes during the game and that 97 of those went Terrell's way, so many fans (especially on local message boards) feel that Mr.Owens was somewhat justified in his critisism of all things Cowboy.
"Just get him the ball, and we'll go to the Super Bowl!" they chanted.
As a result of that incident, Parcells was charged with assault a second time and forced to post a $50,000 bond in order to resume his coaching duties.
New Stadium Woes?
As a result of decreased ticket sales and riots by fans outside Texas Stadium, Jerry Jones has announced that the new stadium in Arlington will dedicate 40,000 seats to fans who want to remember Terrell Owens as the finest wide receiver the 'Boys ever had. Tickets will cost $2 and each seat will come with a special hood that prevents the patron from hearing, speaking, or seeing any on-the-field action. The special DDB section (also known as the Deaf, Dumb, and Blind section) will be located on the west side of the stadium, right next to the Blue Kool-Aid vending machines.
Irving Glad 'Boys to Move
The City of Irving will be deactivating the nearly 3,000 extra police officers it hired to control the riots during the season. Officials expect the clashes between the Pro-T.O. and Anti-T.O. forces will diminish now that the player has been released and is expected to sign with another team soon.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
to 2007:
Dateline: Dallas, March, 2007
The Dallas Daily Rag
by Joe Schmoe
Free Agency Starts Tomorrow
(a few things to think about)
Where will Terrell Owens land?
Now a free agent after having been released by the Cowboys, Terrell Owens is looking for a team who will appreciate his talents. His disatisfaction with Jerry Jones, Bill Parcells, the players, the fans, the press, the ridiculously low number of passes thrown his way (456), and the poor tasting food on Dallas' training tables led Mr. Owens to demand a trade during the season last year.
He protested his poor treatment by dropping every pass that came his way. Finally, he was de-activated (week-to-week) for the remainder of the season, beginning in Week Three.
Will Dallas be Active in Free Agency?
Although the salary cap has risen to $109 million (an increase of $7 million), Dallas will take a cap hit of $10 million for releasing T.O. leaving them about $10 million short of most other NFL teams when the bidding begins.
Jerry Jones vows that this will not affect the team's plans to be aggressive, but he must first be released from the Happy Days Mental Institution before gathering with other team officials to configure an offseason strategy.
Will Parcell Stay?
It depends on how he responds to his medical treatment, as well as whether he can escape his troubles with the law. Currently being treated for depression, anger management, hemmorhoids, and hair loss, his psychiatrist says the outlook "doesn't bode very well".
Several times last season. Parcells was found wandering around aimlessly in local supermarkets, muttering something unintelligible about "groceries".
In addition, Mr. Parcells faces assault charges stemming from an incident in which he attempted to choke the living sh** out of Terrell Owens during training camp in California. The situation was further aggravated in August when Parcells attacked Owens in the locker room after a preseason game. Owens had complained that not enough passes were being thrown to him.
Box scores indicated that the Cowboys attempted 102 passes during the game and that 97 of those went Terrell's way, so many fans (especially on local message boards) feel that Mr.Owens was somewhat justified in his critisism of all things Cowboy.
"Just get him the ball, and we'll go to the Super Bowl!" they chanted.
As a result of that incident, Parcells was charged with assault a second time and forced to post a $50,000 bond in order to resume his coaching duties.
New Stadium Woes?
As a result of decreased ticket sales and riots by fans outside Texas Stadium, Jerry Jones has announced that the new stadium in Arlington will dedicate 40,000 seats to fans who want to remember Terrell Owens as the finest wide receiver the 'Boys ever had. Tickets will cost $2 and each seat will come with a special hood that prevents the patron from hearing, speaking, or seeing any on-the-field action. The special DDB section (also known as the Deaf, Dumb, and Blind section) will be located on the west side of the stadium, right next to the Blue Kool-Aid vending machines.
Irving Glad 'Boys to Move
The City of Irving will be deactivating the nearly 3,000 extra police officers it hired to control the riots during the season. Officials expect the clashes between the Pro-T.O. and Anti-T.O. forces will diminish now that the player has been released and is expected to sign with another team soon.
