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NEW YORK--Herm Edwards, the new head coach for the Kansas City Chiefs, promised today to do for the Chiefs what he did for his old team, the New York Jets. Edwards compiled a 39-41 record in five years as Jets coach and was often criticized for his game and clock management. At a press conference Wednesday, Edwards assured Chiefs fans that they can expect the same thing
“I am here to get this team back on track,” Edwards said. “My reputation speaks for itself. I vow – and you can print this – to do for this city, this franchise, exactly what I did for the Jets. I will apply the same strategies and philosophies that made the Jets the roaring success that they were during my tenure. Mr. Peterson did not hand me $12 million for nothing. He expects me to win, and I will – approximately 47 percent of the time.”
Edwards then struck back at the critics who say that he can’t bring the Chiefs up to the level of his New York Jets teams.
“Oh I know everybody is saying that I won’t be able to build the Chiefs into the perennial powerhouse that the Jets were, but I don’t bother much with what the critics say. That’s just negativity. I only ask the Kansas City fans to embrace this team, be patient, and give me a chance to get us on track for 8, 9, maybe even 10 wins a year. Make no mistake: We will slip into the playoffs a couple times during my tenure here. Anything less than that will be considered a failure.”
When Edwards took over the Jets in 2001, they were a team in disarray. Bill Parcells had just stepped down as Chief of Football Operations and Al Groh had resigned after one unsuccessful year as head coach. The Jets managed a Wild Card berth that year, but lost to the Raiders in the first round of the playoffs. The following year they won the AFC East and routed the Colts 41-0 in the opening playoff game, only to lose to the Raiders once again in the divisional playoffs.
The Jets finest season under coach Edwards came in 2004, when they went 10-6. Unfortunately, they lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers in the second round of the playoffs that year. Many people blamed the loss on Edwards’ conservative play calling at the end of the game, when he settled for a difficult 43-yard field goal rather than try to advance the ball.
“I’ve gotten a lot of grief for that game,” admitted Edwards. “The general consensus is that I chickened-out by refusing to try and advance the ball. But that’s not how I see it. The obvious decision would’ve been to try to advance the ball, either for a closer field or a touchdown. That’s the traditional way of thinking. But I took the road less traveled and settled for a long field goal in a swirling wind. You don’t think that takes balls? You think that’s chickening out? I don’t see Bill Belichick or Mike Shanahan taking those kinds of insane chances.”
In Edwards’ defense, he is known as a fine defensive coach and a good communicator. Throughout his coaching career, he has been known as a “player’s coach,” something that veteran tight end Tony Gonzalez hopes will have a positive impact on the team.
“Herm is the kind of guy that relates to the players well,” said Gonzalez, who said he was sad to see coach Dick Vermeil retire. “He is the ultimate player’s coach. Player’s coaches are great, for the most part. They don’t win many Super Bowls, though. If you want to win a Super Bowl, you need one of those stone-faced tyrants. But there are more important things than winning a Super Bowl, like having a head coach you can walk all over and tune out after two years.”
Meanwhile, the Jets are still reeling from Edwards’ sudden, controversial departure, in which they received a fourth round pick from Kansas City and nothing more. GM Terry Bradway insisted, however, that they got a fair deal in exchange for Edwards.
“A fourth round pick is nothing to sneeze at,” said Bradway. “Actually, I think we actually got the better end of the deal. We got rid of our coach, who did exactly nothing for us in his four years here, and we got a free pick. I can’t tell you how difficult it was to keep a straight face while we were making this deal. The funny thing is, the Chiefs were also having trouble keeping a straight face. They thought we were the ones being ripped off. The truth is, we're probably both right. ”
Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.
NEW YORK--Herm Edwards, the new head coach for the Kansas City Chiefs, promised today to do for the Chiefs what he did for his old team, the New York Jets. Edwards compiled a 39-41 record in five years as Jets coach and was often criticized for his game and clock management. At a press conference Wednesday, Edwards assured Chiefs fans that they can expect the same thing
“I am here to get this team back on track,” Edwards said. “My reputation speaks for itself. I vow – and you can print this – to do for this city, this franchise, exactly what I did for the Jets. I will apply the same strategies and philosophies that made the Jets the roaring success that they were during my tenure. Mr. Peterson did not hand me $12 million for nothing. He expects me to win, and I will – approximately 47 percent of the time.”
Edwards then struck back at the critics who say that he can’t bring the Chiefs up to the level of his New York Jets teams.
“Oh I know everybody is saying that I won’t be able to build the Chiefs into the perennial powerhouse that the Jets were, but I don’t bother much with what the critics say. That’s just negativity. I only ask the Kansas City fans to embrace this team, be patient, and give me a chance to get us on track for 8, 9, maybe even 10 wins a year. Make no mistake: We will slip into the playoffs a couple times during my tenure here. Anything less than that will be considered a failure.”
When Edwards took over the Jets in 2001, they were a team in disarray. Bill Parcells had just stepped down as Chief of Football Operations and Al Groh had resigned after one unsuccessful year as head coach. The Jets managed a Wild Card berth that year, but lost to the Raiders in the first round of the playoffs. The following year they won the AFC East and routed the Colts 41-0 in the opening playoff game, only to lose to the Raiders once again in the divisional playoffs.
The Jets finest season under coach Edwards came in 2004, when they went 10-6. Unfortunately, they lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers in the second round of the playoffs that year. Many people blamed the loss on Edwards’ conservative play calling at the end of the game, when he settled for a difficult 43-yard field goal rather than try to advance the ball.
“I’ve gotten a lot of grief for that game,” admitted Edwards. “The general consensus is that I chickened-out by refusing to try and advance the ball. But that’s not how I see it. The obvious decision would’ve been to try to advance the ball, either for a closer field or a touchdown. That’s the traditional way of thinking. But I took the road less traveled and settled for a long field goal in a swirling wind. You don’t think that takes balls? You think that’s chickening out? I don’t see Bill Belichick or Mike Shanahan taking those kinds of insane chances.”
In Edwards’ defense, he is known as a fine defensive coach and a good communicator. Throughout his coaching career, he has been known as a “player’s coach,” something that veteran tight end Tony Gonzalez hopes will have a positive impact on the team.
“Herm is the kind of guy that relates to the players well,” said Gonzalez, who said he was sad to see coach Dick Vermeil retire. “He is the ultimate player’s coach. Player’s coaches are great, for the most part. They don’t win many Super Bowls, though. If you want to win a Super Bowl, you need one of those stone-faced tyrants. But there are more important things than winning a Super Bowl, like having a head coach you can walk all over and tune out after two years.”
Meanwhile, the Jets are still reeling from Edwards’ sudden, controversial departure, in which they received a fourth round pick from Kansas City and nothing more. GM Terry Bradway insisted, however, that they got a fair deal in exchange for Edwards.
“A fourth round pick is nothing to sneeze at,” said Bradway. “Actually, I think we actually got the better end of the deal. We got rid of our coach, who did exactly nothing for us in his four years here, and we got a free pick. I can’t tell you how difficult it was to keep a straight face while we were making this deal. The funny thing is, the Chiefs were also having trouble keeping a straight face. They thought we were the ones being ripped off. The truth is, we're probably both right. ”
Copyright 2006, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.