trickblue
Not Old School...Old Testament...
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The original Hollywood Squares had some of the great one-liners in history...
Here are a few of the funnier ones...
Here are a few of the funnier ones...
Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Peter Marshall: Paul, little boys don't like them, grown men crave them.
Paul Lynde: A spanking
Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way.
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that BlTCH!
Peter Marshall: True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Peter Marshall: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect light?
Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.
Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
Paul Lynde: He's out of town.
Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Peter Marshall: According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?
Paul Lynde: 11.
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Peter Marshall: What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." what?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.
Peter Marshall: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Peter Marshall: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Peter Marshall: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does this mean?
George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.
Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but it still won't go up to your apartment.
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh!
Peter Marshall: Paul, true of false? During the early Roman wars, men rode their horses into battle totally nude.
Paul Lynde: Who said that war is hell.
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Peter Marshall: Paul, little boys don't like them, grown men crave them.
Paul Lynde: A spanking
Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?
Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way.
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that BlTCH!
Peter Marshall: True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Peter Marshall: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect light?
Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.
Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
Paul Lynde: He's out of town.
Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Peter Marshall: According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?
Paul Lynde: 11.
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Peter Marshall: What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." what?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.
Peter Marshall: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Peter Marshall: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Peter Marshall: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does this mean?
George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.
Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but it still won't go up to your apartment.
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh!
Peter Marshall: Paul, true of false? During the early Roman wars, men rode their horses into battle totally nude.
Paul Lynde: Who said that war is hell.
