I barely survived my latest time travel excursion

[Reverend Conehead]

I was planning to go back in time to 1965 to seduce French actress Catherine Deneuve. She was the hottest woman of the 60s, hands down. I've tried before to get with her, but things always seem to go wrong. This time I really screwed up. I did the settings in the machine wrong and materialized in 1965 B.C. Then this gross, hairy, smelly, snaggletoothed slave woman named KatRin Dim-Hoof ran after me as soon as I stepped outside of the time machine's door. She was unhumanly strong (both in strength and odor) and tackled me, kissing me all over, shrieking, "Me luv, I beeen vaiteeeeeeng for jyou!" She kidnapped me and held me in some dungeon as her love slave for weeks. Meanwhile the King's Men had taken my time machine, thinking it was some super weapon, and had disassembled it trying to figure out how to kill their enemies with it.

I've been through an awful ordeal trying to escape from KatRin's clutches and then steal back and reassemble my time machine, but I'm back. Next time I won't forget to wear my reading glasses when I set the date to go back to. Sheesh.

 

[cowboyec]

I was planning to go back in time to 1965 to seduce French actress Catherine Deneuve. She was the hottest woman of the 60s, hands down. I've tried before to get with her, but things always seem to go wrong. This time I really screwed up. I did the settings in the machine wrong and materialized in 1965 B.C. Then this gross, hairy, smelly, snaggletoothed slave woman named KatRin Dim-Hoof ran after me as soon as I stepped outside of the time machine's door. She was unhumanly strong (both in strength and odor) and tackled me, kissing me all over, shrieking, "Me luv, I beeen vaiteeeeeeng for jyou!" She kidnapped me and held me in some dungeon as her love slave for weeks. Meanwhile the King's Men had taken my time machine, thinking it was some super weapon, and had disassembled it trying to figure out how to kill their enemies with it.

I've been through an awful ordeal trying to escape from KatRin's clutches and then steal back and reassemble my time machine, but I'm back. Next time I won't forget to wear my reading glasses when I set the date to go back to. Sheesh.

so your tellin' me pre-historic cave women DO NOT look like Raquel Welch...or Darryl Hannah???

 

[DallasEast]

Your time traveling experiences with women are straight out of James T. Kirk's nightmares.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

so your tellin' me pre-historic cave women DO NOT look like Raquel Welch...or Darryl Hannah???

At least not that I was able to attract, but that's consistent with my life. I only attract crazy and obnoxious ladies. You would think someone capable of building a time machine would be considered a catch, but maybe that's not a priority for women. Come to think of it, I've never read on any dating profile, "I want a man who's 6 feet tall, financially stable, and who can build a time machine."

 

[cowboyec]

you keep buildin' time machines but not providing any answers...
•who or what crashed at Roswell.
•who killed JFK?
•how many shooters?
•who was on the grassy knoll?
•any alien artifacts on the dark side of the moon?
•the cedona region on mars...pyramids???the face???

 

[Reverend Conehead]

you keep buildin' time machines but not providing any answers...
•who or what crashed at Roswell.

That was one of my time machines that malfunctioned.

•who killed JFK?

Elvis fired the kill shot.

•how many shooters?

Two: Elvis Presley and Betty White.

•who was on the grassy knoll?

Betty White. Elvis was in the Texas Schoolbook Depository. He had punched out Oswald and stolen his rifle. Oswald was originally in the perch to protect the President. He had found out about Betty White and was trying to spot her and kill her.

•any alien artifacts on the dark side of the moon?

Not alien. Hitler escaped Berlin at the end of World War II and went to his NSDAP Moon Base there.

•the cedona region on mars...pyramids???the face???

I have no idea. I don't know everything.

 

[nobody]

That was one of my time machines that malfunctioned.


Elvis fired the kill shot.


Two: Elvis Presley and Betty White.


Betty White. Elvis was in the Texas Schoolbook Depository. He had punched out Oswald and stolen his rifle. Oswald was originally in the perch to protect the President. He had found out about Betty White and was trying to spot her and kill her.


Not alien. Hitler escaped Berlin at the end of World War II and went to his NSDAP Moon Base there.


I have no idea. I don't know everything.

I've seen Red Dwarf. I know that JFK was the shooter on the grassy knoll

 

[Xelda]

All that matters is that you're back safe in your own time.

 

[cowboyec]

That was one of my time machines that malfunctioned.


Elvis fired the kill shot.


Two: Elvis Presley and Betty White.


Betty White. Elvis was in the Texas Schoolbook Depository. He had punched out Oswald and stolen his rifle. Oswald was originally in the perch to protect the President. He had found out about Betty White and was trying to spot her and kill her.


Not alien. Hitler escaped Berlin at the end of World War II and went to his NSDAP Moon Base there.


I have no idea. I don't know everything.

 

[cowboyec]

i figure you found some tesla designs for a time machine and know some @#$% about what REALLY happened regarding some famous conspiracies.
the gov probably wasnt to keen on your "weekend getaways" so....they came down on you hard....threatened you...and to take your time machines....so...you made a deal to be their "fixer" and they allow it....knowing you won't spill the beans.

aliens.

 

[CouchCoach]

Rev, are you alone there or is there someone you can talk to about your time trips? Or someone who can talk to someone on your behalf, in case you're sedated?

 

[Montanalo]

That was one of my time machines that malfunctioned.


Elvis fired the kill shot.


Two: Elvis Presley and Betty White.


Betty White. Elvis was in the Texas Schoolbook Depository. He had punched out Oswald and stolen his rifle. Oswald was originally in the perch to protect the President. He had found out about Betty White and was trying to spot her and kill her.


Not alien. Hitler escaped Berlin at the end of World War II and went to his NSDAP Moon Base there.


I have no idea. I don't know everything.

Your response reminded me of a quote from Roger Clinton, Bill Clinton's half brother. Shortly after Bill was elected president, a reported asked Roger what he would like to ask the new President. His response, "Where's Elvis and who shot Kennedy?" Got to love that response.

 

[DallasEast]

Elvis fired the kill shot.

To quote Buffy The Vampire Slayer Summers when she discovered her college dorm roommate was actually a magically disguised demon:

"I KNEW IT!"

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Rev, are you alone there or is there someone you can talk to about your time trips? Or someone who can talk to someone on your behalf, in case you're sedated?

No worries about me, man. I have a trusted confidant here who offers me the most sagacious advice anyone ever needed. I brief my cat, Rosie, on all my time travel plans before I go. She has an approval meow and a disapproval one, and she's always right. An affectionate meow followed by purring is a thumbs up to go on a time travel excursion. A worried one with clawing is a warning not to. And if a problem is really complex, there's the Beanie Genie who materializes out of the dots in the ceiling and looks at me either with open arms if it's a go or crossed arms if it's a stay. I've never figured out why a Middle Eastern-looking dude wears a hippyish purple and pink beanie, but he helps me, so I don't ask questions. But I'm sure this has happened to you.

 

[jsb357]

Catherine Deneuve. She was the hottest woman of the 60s, hands down. Sheesh.

mission failed for ONE reason and one reason only. The hottest woman of the 60's was Natalie Wood.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

mission failed for ONE reason and one reason only. The hottest woman of the 60's was Natalie Wood.

Wood wasn't even in Deneuve's neighborhood of sexiness. I'd bet she didn't even speak French.

 

[CouchCoach]

No worries about me, man. I have a trusted confidant here who offers me the most sagacious advice anyone ever needed. I brief my cat, Rosie, on all my time travel plans before I go. She has an approval meow and a disapproval one, and she's always right. An affectionate meow followed by purring is a thumbs up to go on a time travel excursion. A worried one with clawing is a warning not to. And if a problem is really complex, there's the Beanie Genie who materializes out of the dots in the ceiling and looks at me either with open arms if it's a go or crossed arms if it's a stay. I've never figured out why a Middle Eastern-looking dude wears a hippyish purple and pink beanie, but he helps me, so I don't ask questions. But I'm sure this has happened to you.

GASP!! I thought I was the only one!

 

[PJTHEDOORS]

I was planning to go back in time to 1965 to seduce French actress Catherine Deneuve. She was the hottest woman of the 60s, hands down. I've tried before to get with her, but things always seem to go wrong. This time I really screwed up. I did the settings in the machine wrong and materialized in 1965 B.C. Then this gross, hairy, smelly, snaggletoothed slave woman named KatRin Dim-Hoof ran after me as soon as I stepped outside of the time machine's door. She was unhumanly strong (both in strength and odor) and tackled me, kissing me all over, shrieking, "Me luv, I beeen vaiteeeeeeng for jyou!" She kidnapped me and held me in some dungeon as her love slave for weeks. Meanwhile the King's Men had taken my time machine, thinking it was some super weapon, and had disassembled it trying to figure out how to kill their enemies with it.

I've been through an awful ordeal trying to escape from KatRin's clutches and then steal back and reassemble my time machine, but I'm back. Next time I won't forget to wear my reading glasses when I set the date to go back to. Sheesh.

Zzzzzzz. Low standards.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Zzzzzzz. Low standards.

I didn't know you were part communist. Catherine Deneuve was the hottest woman of the 1960s. It's a fact. There's no subjectivity in this at all. I'm just completely right, and anyone who disagrees is a commie who does evil stuff like torturing cute little puppies and kittens. You should admit that Deneuve was the sexiest woman ever because if you don't, I'm calling the cops on you.

 

[Fredbeard]

I've seen Red Dwarf. I know that JFK was the shooter on the grassy knoll

I taught it was George Washington,but jfk makes so much more sense