In your opinion,which is harder?

[dougonthebench]

Which is harder to deal with? The sudden death of a loved one,or the slow,deteriorating death of the same loved one?
My Grandmother(Dads side),and my Grandpa(Mom's) both died very slowly,from Alzheimers,and strokes,respectively,over a long period of time.Now,My Grandma(Mom's) is goin down that same slow path.It all started from gall stones and a preforated intestine.A day later,she has a massive anneurism/stroke,and hasn't been the same since.The prognosis isnt good,and we are expecting the worst,especially since she's 85.The Doctors arent too optimistic either,and said to prepare the family.We were very close(my Grandma and I),and I'm gonna miss her dearly.
I've only experienced the slow type of death,so I was wondering if the sudden deaths are as hard,or harder to deal with?Please answer seriously.

 

[Jon88]

My grandmother and I were very close and she died of Alzheizmers last April (at 85). My grandfather died suddenly of a massive heart attack when I was 7. His death was much harder to take. At least you get to talk and say goodbye to someone who is slowly slipping away.

 

[Yeagermeister]

My grandmother had a series of strokes over several years and it was very hard to watch but my grandfather died of a sudden heart attack. I was closer to my grandmother so it was harder. Both very hard but IMO it's worse to watch a loved one go slowly.

 

[dougonthebench]

My grandmother and I were very close and she died of Alzheizmers last April (at 85). My grandfather died suddenly of a massive heart attack when I was 7. His death was much harder to take. At least you get to talk and say goodbye to someone who is slowly slipping away.

very true.that is comforting.

 

[lane]

Which is harder to deal with? The sudden death of a loved one,or the slow,deteriorating death of the same loved one?
My Grandmother(Dads side),and my Grandpa(Mom's) both died very slowly,from Alzheimers,and strokes,respectively,over a long period of time.Now,My Grandma(Mom's) is goin down that same slow path.It all started from gall stones and a preforated intestine.A day later,she has a massive anneurism/stroke,and hasn't been the same since.The prognosis isnt good,and we are expecting the worst,especially since she's 85.The Doctors arent too optimistic either,and said to prepare the family.We were very close(my Grandma and I),and I'm gonna miss her dearly.
I've only experienced the slow type of death,so I was wondering if the sudden deaths are as hard,or harder to deal with?Please answer seriously.

my father died of a heart attack at age 58 sitting in his living room chair back in 89.

i've really never got over that yet... watching him die so suddenly messed me up for years...i was 22.

my wife's father battled cancer for a year and a half and my wife quit her nursing job to take care of him. he passed on may 22nd.

she lost her sister two months later of a heart attack on july 24h.

this happened this year.


i'm sorry for what you are going through.

 

[dougonthebench]

my father died of a heart attack at age 58 sitting in his living room chair back in 89.

i've really never got over that yet... watching him die so suddenly messed me up for years...i was 22.

my wife's father battled cancer for a year and a half and my wife quit her nursing job to take care of him. he passed on may 22nd.

she lost her sister two months later of a heart attack on july 24h.

this happened this year.


i'm sorry for what you are going through.

Thanks Lane.My Mother-in law died from terminal liver failure back last August,so ts been a rough go for me too.I too,am sorry for what you and your wife are going through as well.

 

[silverbear]

I lost my Dad pretty quick, he lasted six days after his heart attack...

I then lost my little brother even quicker; though we knew his health was declining, at 41 we weren't ready for him to go to bed one night and just never wake up then next morning (damned drugs)...

Last but not least, I lost my Mom to lung cancer, five and a half months after she was diagnosed, the last four months in a nursing home 100 miles away...

Losing Dad at 51 was a shock, same with my brother... but nothing compares to the pain of watching Mom waste away, day after day... oh, SHE wasn't in any pain, the can do wonderful things when it comes to controlling that... but if my average visit lasted 3 hours, she might be awake for 15 minutes of that time...

After observing all of that, if God feels kindly toward me for any reason, I'll hope that he'll take me the way he took my brother-- quick, while sleeping in my own bed...

 

[silverbear]

Just be as strong as you can, doug, and when you feel like you can't be any stronger, any longer, draw your family around you... get some strength from them...

 

[burmafrd]

Watching someone waste away, in pain; or slowly losing every memory and part of the person you knew to Alzheimers is worse.

 

[Jon88]

Watching someone waste away, in pain; or slowly losing every memory and part of the person you knew to Alzheimers is worse.

I disagree about Alzheimers. You may be losing them little by little, but they still remember you until practically the very end. My grandmother still remembered me when we took her to the hospice home to live out her last days, but she couldn't speak. The shock in losing someone out of the blue is just unreal.

 

[Khartun]

I lost my Dad pretty quick, he lasted six days after his heart attack...

I then lost my little brother even quicker; though we knew his health was declining, at 41 we weren't ready for him to go to bed one night and just never wake up then next morning (damned drugs)...

Last but not least, I lost my Mom to lung cancer, five and a half months after she was diagnosed, the last four months in a nursing home 100 miles away...

Losing Dad at 51 was a shock, same with my brother... but nothing compares to the pain of watching Mom waste away, day after day... oh, SHE wasn't in any pain, the can do wonderful things when it comes to controlling that... but if my average visit lasted 3 hours, she might be awake for 15 minutes of that time...

After observing all of that, if God feels kindly toward me for any reason, I'll hope that he'll take me the way he took my brother-- quick, while sleeping in my own bed...

I can relate SB. My mother passed in May from melanoma that had gotten to her media steinum(sp?) and liver. It was six weeks from diagnosis to death. We prepared ourselves for a long, 2-3 year ordeal and ended up going very quickly, although slow enough to drag out the pain of watching a loved one wither away. The last few weeks she was barely conscious because she couldn't eat or drink without throwing up. Then once she moved to Hospice, they put her on a drip and she wasn't really conscious again for a week. I must say, the sight of her withering away in that bed and knowing there was nothing that could be done for her was terrible. And the fact that they kept her drugged up so no one could communicate with her was terrible. I understand that it was for the best because of the pain but if it was me, it would be worth it to be able to at least somewhat communicate with your loved ones those last few days. I still see her wasting away in that bed and it haunts me constantly.

I also lost a cousin who was my best friend. He was shot an killed. While painful, I can still remember him how he was when we were together and having fun. I still see my mom in the hospital bed withering away and it's horrible.

I would definitely say that losing someone quicker is better. The helplessness of being able to do nothing is more painful than anything.

 

[dougonthebench]

Just be as strong as you can, doug, and when you feel like you can't be any stronger, any longer, draw your family around you... get some strength from them...

Thank you silverbear.

 

[Rack]

IMO, the sudden death of someone. By far.