Reverend Conehead
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I'm going to North Korea soon! Many of you know from my last post on the topic that I've fallen madly in love with a Korean woman. She's Kim Yo Jong, sister of North Korea's dictator, Kim Jong Un. He's a terrible dictator who has people killed for no good reason and starves his country, but you shouldn't judge your spouse by her family. And, yes, Kim Yo Jong is destined to become my wife and bear 8 kids for me. Plus, it will guarantee that her brother never shoots off his nukes at America because his sister will be living here with me.
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I wondered how I might communicate with her in her highly censored dictatorship country. I'm sure my letters would get screened out, so would my emails, even if I could somehow find out her email address. I'm sure they would also block any video call like Skype or Zoom. However, then I remembered that I have some supernatural powers that I always forget about, namely: telepathy. So I've been having really loving and passionate conversations with her every night via telepathy. She expressed that she's even more madly in love with me than I am with her. That's great! It's better to have your wife more into you than you are into her. She said she wants to have 10 kids with me. I want 8 and she wants 10, so I figure we'll compromise and have 9. Of course, with her being part of the ruling family in a dictatorship, she may not be used to compromise, but I'm sure she'll come around. She loves me insanely and passionately, after all. She telepathies those feelings to me every night. She even invited me to come see her!
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I did find out in our mind chats that there are some members of the Commie Party of Korea that don't want us to get together. That's why it's super important that I make a good impression on her brother. I plan to challenge him to a ping pong match and then let him win. Then I'll get him laughing by telling him a bunch of my fav dirty jokes. That will win him over. He looks like he enjoys a good belly laugh.
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Several important governmental commies don't want me to meet her. I'm sure it's because they want her for themselves. For this reason, I don't think I can get into the country via the normal channels. I'm going to have to sneak through the demilitarized zone. Don't worry. They'll never catch me. I was the hide and go seek champion when I was in grade school. I've got this.
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So wish me luck! Soon my beloved will be in my arms!
...
I wondered how I might communicate with her in her highly censored dictatorship country. I'm sure my letters would get screened out, so would my emails, even if I could somehow find out her email address. I'm sure they would also block any video call like Skype or Zoom. However, then I remembered that I have some supernatural powers that I always forget about, namely: telepathy. So I've been having really loving and passionate conversations with her every night via telepathy. She expressed that she's even more madly in love with me than I am with her. That's great! It's better to have your wife more into you than you are into her. She said she wants to have 10 kids with me. I want 8 and she wants 10, so I figure we'll compromise and have 9. Of course, with her being part of the ruling family in a dictatorship, she may not be used to compromise, but I'm sure she'll come around. She loves me insanely and passionately, after all. She telepathies those feelings to me every night. She even invited me to come see her!
...
I did find out in our mind chats that there are some members of the Commie Party of Korea that don't want us to get together. That's why it's super important that I make a good impression on her brother. I plan to challenge him to a ping pong match and then let him win. Then I'll get him laughing by telling him a bunch of my fav dirty jokes. That will win him over. He looks like he enjoys a good belly laugh.
...
Several important governmental commies don't want me to meet her. I'm sure it's because they want her for themselves. For this reason, I don't think I can get into the country via the normal channels. I'm going to have to sneak through the demilitarized zone. Don't worry. They'll never catch me. I was the hide and go seek champion when I was in grade school. I've got this.
...
So wish me luck! Soon my beloved will be in my arms!
