Reverend Conehead
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This is my biography that I'm including with my job resume. My only concern is that potential employers will think that nothing interesting has happened in my life. What do you think?
Reverend Thomas Conehead was born on April 29, 1967 on Bloombagoomba Island, a small island in the South Pacific, as Thomas Alvin Stinkenhoffengrüber. When he was 8 years old, his family moved away from Bloombagoomba and settled in an igloo in Antarctica, where Tom helped to support the family by hunting seals and by fishing. When he was 12, his family was on board a 747 airplane in route to Japan when he fell out of the plane's back door and survived the fall by landing on some very soft palm trees in the Amazon rain forest. He was adopted by a tribe of gorillas, who taught him jungle hunting and gathering skills. At age 15, he was elected chief of the tribe, but his life soon was in danger from a rival gorilla named Glump-Toob who wanted the position. Glump-Toob created resentment against Tom, and convinced several members to attack him with spears. Tom narrowly escaped onto a cargo ship bound for Morocco. Once there, he caught a ride on another cargo ship bound for Italy and then hitchhiked to Bern, Switzerland, where he lived for 10 years, learning German and French.
After that, Tom migrated to the United States to be reunited with his family who had moved there from Bloombagoomba Island. He landed a job at the ACME Corporation in Lincoln, Nebraska, where he now works designing rockets that can be strapped onto a coyote's back and used for extremely fast propulsion. There he changed his last name to “Conehead” and became the pastor of the Church of Holy Rollerskates. He lives in a luxury executive penthouse suite in Lincoln with his wife of two years, Danae Magali Vi Szerelem, a TPE doll from France.
Reverend Thomas Conehead was born on April 29, 1967 on Bloombagoomba Island, a small island in the South Pacific, as Thomas Alvin Stinkenhoffengrüber. When he was 8 years old, his family moved away from Bloombagoomba and settled in an igloo in Antarctica, where Tom helped to support the family by hunting seals and by fishing. When he was 12, his family was on board a 747 airplane in route to Japan when he fell out of the plane's back door and survived the fall by landing on some very soft palm trees in the Amazon rain forest. He was adopted by a tribe of gorillas, who taught him jungle hunting and gathering skills. At age 15, he was elected chief of the tribe, but his life soon was in danger from a rival gorilla named Glump-Toob who wanted the position. Glump-Toob created resentment against Tom, and convinced several members to attack him with spears. Tom narrowly escaped onto a cargo ship bound for Morocco. Once there, he caught a ride on another cargo ship bound for Italy and then hitchhiked to Bern, Switzerland, where he lived for 10 years, learning German and French.
After that, Tom migrated to the United States to be reunited with his family who had moved there from Bloombagoomba Island. He landed a job at the ACME Corporation in Lincoln, Nebraska, where he now works designing rockets that can be strapped onto a coyote's back and used for extremely fast propulsion. There he changed his last name to “Conehead” and became the pastor of the Church of Holy Rollerskates. He lives in a luxury executive penthouse suite in Lincoln with his wife of two years, Danae Magali Vi Szerelem, a TPE doll from France.
