My voodoo doll of Amber Heard injured me

[Reverend Conehead]

I can't believe it. Amber Heard has been torturing me via telepathy for the past several weeks, so I fought back by making a voodoo doll of her. Then when I went to stab a needle into it, I had it backwards and stabbed my own thumb. She did that on purpose! She tricked me! She used telepathy to get me to turn that needle around.

I have to warn you in case you join the fight against the most evil woman in the world, SHE'S DEVIOUS! I'm writing this just in case so you know what happened. If I suddenly vanish without a trace, please let the authorities know that Amber Heard was behind it.

That *****! This has gotten really scary.

 

[NorthoftheRedRiver]

A cautionary tale if I've ever heard one.

 

[DallasEast]

You believe it is bad now but just wait. Unbeknownst to you, Heard has hatched a scheme so INSIDIOUS it is almost unspeakable!

Using her telepathic powers, Heard converted your eternal fantasy love disgust for her into a seed she implanted inside her womb. Here's a recent photo of her:



Your future is horrific. Just imagine. Very soon, you will begin paying monthly child support over the next 18 years to... to... Amber Heard.

omg. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. Good luck. And stay frosty, my friend.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

You believe it is bad now but just wait. Unbeknownst to you, Heard has hatched a scheme so INSIDIOUS it is almost unspeakable!

Using her telepathic powers, Heard converted your eternal fantasy love disgust for her into a seed she implanted inside her womb. Here's a recent photo of her:



Your future is horrific. Just imagine. Very soon, you will begin paying monthly child support over the next 18 years to... to... Amber Heard.

omg. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. Good luck. And stay frosty, my friend.

OMG, this is terrifying. Why did I ever tangle with this *****?

 

[DallasEast]

OMG, this is terrifying. Why did I ever tangle with this *****?

I think many of your fellow members have often wondered that reading your Heard threads.

 

[catiii]

I can't believe it. Amber Heard has been torturing me via telepathy for the past several weeks, so I fought back by making a voodoo doll of her. Then when I went to stab a needle into it, I had it backwards and stabbed my own thumb. She did that on purpose! She tricked me! She used telepathy to get me to turn that needle around.

I have to warn you in case you join the fight against the most evil woman in the world, SHE'S DEVIOUS! I'm writing this just in case so you know what happened. If I suddenly vanish without a trace, please let the authorities know that Amber Heard was behind it.

That *****! This has gotten really scary.

I was looking for an attractive photo of her to post but couldn't find a single one. BAD CHOICE JOHNNY!!!!!

 

[Reverend Conehead]

I was looking for an attractive photo of her to post but couldn't find a single one. BAD CHOICE JOHNNY!!!!!

She's a truly evil woman. I believe lightning bolts shoot out of her fingertips. I've decided to escape into the past with my time machine. Going back to the Landry era of Cowboys football. Those were good times. I'm going to secretly slip Landry tips so that this time he can beat the Steelers in both those Super Bowls and also the Commie Niners in the '81 NFC Championship. I'd better erase all my tracks so that Amber doesn't follow me back, the crazy lady.

 

[Cowpolk]

You have been impregnated by the seed of Amber and are going to have her twin

 

[Oz-of-Cowboy-Country]

I can't believe it. Amber Heard has been torturing me via telepathy for the past several weeks, so I fought back by making a voodoo doll of her. Then when I went to stab a needle into it, I had it backwards and stabbed my own thumb. She did that on purpose! She tricked me! She used telepathy to get me to turn that needle around.

I have to warn you in case you join the fight against the most evil woman in the world, SHE'S DEVIOUS! I'm writing this just in case so you know what happened. If I suddenly vanish without a trace, please let the authorities know that Amber Heard was behind it.

That *****! This has gotten really scary.

I just gave Amber Heard a vial of time travel cyanide last month. A person who comes in contact with this particular serum must wait two weeks for the effects to wear off. If they travel through time without waiting the cyanide serum will kick in and kill them. So you might want to stay put for a couple of days. Just saying.

 

[Ranched]

I think many of your fellow members have often wondered that reading your Heard threads rants.

FIFY

 

[dsturgeon]

I was looking for an attractive photo of her to post but couldn't find a single one. BAD CHOICE JOHNNY!!!!!