Reverend Conehead
Well-Known Member
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Thanks to my surveillance work of Amber Heard, I've obtained the treatment for the next James Bond movie, which Heard will be starring in. She has the part of Candy Apples.
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In the office at the beginning of the film, Bond says, "I'm loyal to His Majesty, King Charles III, and am dedicated to stopping any threat to The Crown." And then he bursts into blubbery tears and says, "You guys just don't appreciate me for the innocent inner child in me." Sob, sob, sob. And then the secretary lady is like, "Oh, it's so attractive when a man isn't afraid to show his emotions," and she hugs and comforts him. "There, there, we love you for your precious inner child."
Then it turns out that the evil terrorist organization, SPECTRE, is working on a weapon that destroys people's inner children en masse. They show other agents getting close to the SPECTRE compound, and then they get hit by the rays and suddenly start sobbing and blubbering crap like, "Oh, my mum didn't hug me enough," and "No one appreciates the inner me," sob, sob, sob.
So the Royal Secret Service comes up with an antidote to SPECTRE's inner-child-blasting-ray. It's a silicone love doll designed with special vibrations and rays that comforts your inner child and gives you super confidence.
So Bond plans to penetrate the SPECTRE compound, but first he must be with his love doll. This doll, Candy Apples, is Bond's love interest for this film. They show him in bed with her under the covers, and her mechanical voice says, "Oh, James, oh, James, you're overloading my circuits with passion."
He brings her with him when he's trying to find a way in to SPECTRE's compound. When they hit him with the inner-child-blasting rays, he counteracts them by making out with the love doll.
When he gets inside the compound, he's overcome with the rays, and bursts into sobs, "Only my love doll appreciates my inner being," WAH, WAH, WAH. Then a mechanical voice comes from the love doll: "James, you must kiss me." So he frenches the love doll, and that sends counteractive vibrations through him, giving him several minutes of immunity, and a ton of confidence.
With that, Bond beats the crap out of all the mad scientists, and then he throws their inner-child-blasting ray into their nuclear reactor, destroying it. Bond has once again saved the day.
They show a big ticker-tape parade in London in thanks for destroying that evil machine. King Charles grants Bond knighthood and says, "We're all grateful to you for how you've protected all of our inner children."
The final scene shows Bond in bed with Candy Apples. Her mechanical voice says, "I love you for who you are, James. Your inner child is safe with me. Oh, kiss me."
Fade to black, roll credits.
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Is this gonna be a great James Bond movie or what?
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In the office at the beginning of the film, Bond says, "I'm loyal to His Majesty, King Charles III, and am dedicated to stopping any threat to The Crown." And then he bursts into blubbery tears and says, "You guys just don't appreciate me for the innocent inner child in me." Sob, sob, sob. And then the secretary lady is like, "Oh, it's so attractive when a man isn't afraid to show his emotions," and she hugs and comforts him. "There, there, we love you for your precious inner child."
Then it turns out that the evil terrorist organization, SPECTRE, is working on a weapon that destroys people's inner children en masse. They show other agents getting close to the SPECTRE compound, and then they get hit by the rays and suddenly start sobbing and blubbering crap like, "Oh, my mum didn't hug me enough," and "No one appreciates the inner me," sob, sob, sob.
So the Royal Secret Service comes up with an antidote to SPECTRE's inner-child-blasting-ray. It's a silicone love doll designed with special vibrations and rays that comforts your inner child and gives you super confidence.
So Bond plans to penetrate the SPECTRE compound, but first he must be with his love doll. This doll, Candy Apples, is Bond's love interest for this film. They show him in bed with her under the covers, and her mechanical voice says, "Oh, James, oh, James, you're overloading my circuits with passion."
He brings her with him when he's trying to find a way in to SPECTRE's compound. When they hit him with the inner-child-blasting rays, he counteracts them by making out with the love doll.
When he gets inside the compound, he's overcome with the rays, and bursts into sobs, "Only my love doll appreciates my inner being," WAH, WAH, WAH. Then a mechanical voice comes from the love doll: "James, you must kiss me." So he frenches the love doll, and that sends counteractive vibrations through him, giving him several minutes of immunity, and a ton of confidence.
With that, Bond beats the crap out of all the mad scientists, and then he throws their inner-child-blasting ray into their nuclear reactor, destroying it. Bond has once again saved the day.
They show a big ticker-tape parade in London in thanks for destroying that evil machine. King Charles grants Bond knighthood and says, "We're all grateful to you for how you've protected all of our inner children."
The final scene shows Bond in bed with Candy Apples. Her mechanical voice says, "I love you for who you are, James. Your inner child is safe with me. Oh, kiss me."
Fade to black, roll credits.
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Is this gonna be a great James Bond movie or what?
