This is how I will Die.

ROMOSAPIEN9

Proud Grandpa
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DALLAS TEXAS,.... MAN was found dead at his computer apparently the victim of trying to keep up with too many professional forums. Dan H. Scoggins, 37, an account executive at a Texas-based new media company, died of starvation according to the Dallas County coroner's office. Scoggins' emaciated body was found by Loraine, his wife of 6 years, who told MediaPost she had been bringing her husband meals on plastic trays for weeks, but that he never took the time to eat them.

"He was glued to his computer 24/7," she said tearfully. "He was so afraid he was going to miss an opportunity to contribute a comment or start a discussion, that he just stopped eating." She added that Dan's last words were "OK Picard, stick that in your pipe and smoke it..."

Computer forensic specialists from SUNY at Cortland discovered that Dan was subscribed to 48 different forums and networking communities including one apparently having to do with the elderly called "oldtimers" and another apparently limited to just 100 people. They also found that he posted a comment into one forum or another on an average of two per minute every hour of the day for the past seven weeks.

"He felt under terrible pressure to be part of the online community," said his son, Daniel, who says he tried several times to get his father's attention and lure him away from the computer. "The only time he even looked up was when I told him I had seen Dane Madsen trying to steal his car out of the driveway."

Police found what appeared to be an organization chart taped to the wall of Dan's den with lines linking small photos of people unknown to the police including Juke99 and Hostile. Neither is considered a suspect in Dan's death.

"Once, I thought I had him," said Daniel, "when I said that mom had made cookies, but half out of his chair, he just sat back down mumbling something about two Roman gods; I believe it was Jupiter and Atlas having some sort of titanic battle. 'Let them eat PIE,' he bellowed banging on his keyboard."

Computer forensic specialists reported that there was no order or continuity to Dan's forum postings. "It looks like he just sort of randomly commented on whatever was in the discussion string at the time," said Stephen Hall, CUNY-Cortland adjunct professor of intemperate and impulsive behavior. "He let nothing go by unchallenged by his own point of view, nor failed to respond to any other community member asking for advice or a new job. This consumed not only 24 hours a day, but also, apparently, his physical health."

In what must be a record, Dan was linked into to over 15,250 other community members, many of whom he exchanged notes with daily. He also contributed to 375 blogs and was expected to start an online column about the impact of interactive communications on health, when he died.

A virtual memorial service will be held online at a date to be determined.
 

Tio

Armchair QB
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I actually thought this was real until I saw Juke and Hos...
 

zorg222

nose picker
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That was pretty good. I'm trying to control myself so that doesn't happen to me LOL
 

Rocky

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Very original and funny! And you had me goin there as well. Hey, this could spiral into an obsessive-compulsive disorder, no doubt. There are worse ways to go, I suppose.
 

CowboyPrincess

Priceless
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I thought it was real until I saw Juke and Hos in it. I mean really... If Juke or Hos were really involved in his death it would have been from lame jokes and over explaining Dan to death... :nana: j/k

I'm just glad my name didn't come up in that article. Starvation huh..Looks like I got away with another one ...:D
 

silverbear

Semi-Official Loose Cannon
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HeavyHitta31 said:
I thought it was real until I saw Juke and Hos as well :D

Strange, that was the quote that convinced me it WAS real...

:eek:
 

TruBlueCowboy

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silverbear said:
Strange, that was the quote that convinced me it WAS real...

:eek:

Hos has a gabillion posts here so I'm sure there's a smidgen of a chance the poor fella ran into one of Hostile's posts somewhere. ;)
 
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